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I wasn't sure if she was aware she is making sexual references around my husband, our friends. And I felt if I address it I will come out to be some crazy, jealous person. The thought of her making up some story about my husband has never even occurred to me but I suppose anything's possible. Luckily, they aren't alone together - someone from the family, if only just my 5 year old is always around.
After reading the advice on this forum, I think I will need to talk to my sister and be honest with her that her behavior has not been good. My sister actually asked the first week she was here "how is she behaving? tell me the truth because i know her" and i just said "shes great, we're happy to have her and everythings fine" because i didnt want her to worry and i didnt want my niece to hate me. I do feel a bit uncomfortable tattle telling on her so to speak and Im not sure if my sister will be upset with me over it.
Let me guess: her mother is divorced and the girl has no father at home? Teenage girls with no father often are sexually inappropriate with men. You should address it on a behavior level, not a personality level. It doesn't matter why she thinks she is behaving like that, she needs to know that her behavior is not acceptable. She is not a little girl any more. If you keep it on a behavior level, you are not crazy or jealous, you are an adult with social standards that the girl does not understand.
I'm all for saying something. And for stopping chauffeuring around. Whatever you say to your niece - and in my opinion, you don't have to be gentle about it - probably won't make much impression, but at least you will have relieved your mind. And I hope that when you talk to your sister, you tell her the truth. Of course, with your sister, you don't have to be tart or accusatory - just a tone of concern, and letting her now that there are serious issues not not only courtesy but propriety.
I really don't want to read numerous pages of posts, so I hope I'm not about to make myself redundant. If I do, or something has changed, I apologize beforehand.
It's your house - she needs boundaries. Sounds to me like she really did not want to be there, so I can't help wondering if she was "shipped out" for the summer as a solution for frustrated parents. The reason may not have necessarily been a bad one (perhaps they thought the change would be good for the girl; on a darker note, perhaps it was to avoid some bad kids at home). I have a strong suspicion that this is true. And if it IS the case then your sister should have confided the truth up front. I can't picture this girl actually pestering her parents to spend summer with her aunt and uncle.
It's too bad that she's treating her grandparents crappy. I don't think this is uncommon in teenagers. My daughter was a bit similar to her at that age and she passed it, although she never became one to linger much with the elders.
I am glad that you decided to talk to your sister. Something's up and you need to find out if you were dumped on. Frankly, in your shoes, I would be mad as Hell.
It always concerns me when I hear of a teenager acting so sexually precocious. It usually is a pretty good indicator of past sexual abuse. Not always, of course, but more often than not. I'd want to make sure I spoke with my sister about her child's behavior, if only to help the child. Left unchecked, it's most definitely going to cause the girl to become even more dangerous in her behavior.
Not sure I believe this entire story has all truth to it. Some parts just don't go together. They only went one day to the Grandmother's house but the stepdad complained that the girl had been disrespectful to him several times?
And what were you thinking...taking on a 15 year old guest for six weeks? That is 42 days! How have you filled those days? And you have a five year old? A five year old's interest and a 15 year old interests are totally different.
She has got to be bored out of her mind. Send her home early. Unless you had things pretty planned out, ways to entertain her and take her lots of places to explore--it is not like she would enjoy sitting around in a strange home and having coffee and reading magazines.
This was my thought - what did you (and all involved) envision that this trip was going to be like? She is not close to her aunt or grandma, has nothing in common with a 5 year old boy, no friends of her own age in the area. What exactly did everyone think she would do all day? True, the US is a vacation destination but no one can fill 6 weeks with fun vacation type things everyday.
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