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Thank all of you for your advise. I would NEVER put my son into foster care. I have plenty of friends who have no relationship with their parents because they were put into foster care. I believe that it would be better to struggle and face the hardships than to do that. At least I can be there to raise my child with morals and emotional support. If I was going to give him up I would have put him up for adoption in the beginning. I got this far...and I'm not giving up now. Though the situation is rough, at least I have a safe place to stay in the meantime for my son and I.
As far as state support goes, the year my son was born the rules of welfare for a single mother in suffolk county changed. Now the state will offer: $120.00/2 weeks in cash, limitied food stamps and about $350 for rent (goes directly to landlord). This is only for the first TWO MONTHS of the child's life. Then you have to work for the state for a minimum of 35 hours/week to keep these benefits. And try to find a landlord that will except $350 a month in rent is impossible. Actually I could make a lot more then they would give me by going out on my own per hour.
Even if I do have to dance, I only plan on it being temporary. No matter how hard things get I do still believe that where there is a will there is a way. Perhaps I could get certification towards a career online during the day and work at night. If anyone knows of any programs that guide single mothers to well-paid careers...PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I am well educated...and I don't want to throw away all the years of hard work. I just need a little guidance.
If I can make at least $25/hour full time then I can make a good life for my son and myself as well as start to pay off my student loans and repair my credit.
I feel that things are on the up and up now....
giving up is not an option and I wouldn't want to raise my son to think that I am a quitter.
I also have been a singer/lyricist for some time now. I am searching for the right musicians to form a hard rock band that are truly serious about recording music and searching for a deal. I know that the music industry is VERY competitive and that few make it...however, I music is my biggest passion...and I feel that I should give it a shot while I am young and determined. If anyone knows of musicians looking for band members, let me know. Only serious minded musicians though. I don't have time to waste with people only interested in a spare-time gig.
I know that the music industry is VERY competitive and that few make it....
Unfortunately you don't have the luxury of going into risky ventures right now. You need a stable income first. I would really put that idea on the back burner for now and concentrate on something where the payoff is more immediate.
Thank all of you for your advise. I would NEVER put my son into foster care. I have plenty of friends who have no relationship with their parents because they were put into foster care. I believe that it would be better to struggle and face the hardships than to do that. At least I can be there to raise my child with morals and emotional support. If I was going to give him up I would have put him up for adoption in the beginning. I got this far...and I'm not giving up now. Though the situation is rough, at least I have a safe place to stay in the meantime for my son and I.
As far as state support goes, the year my son was born the rules of welfare for a single mother in suffolk county changed. Now the state will offer: $120.00/2 weeks in cash, limitied food stamps and about $350 for rent (goes directly to landlord). This is only for the first TWO MONTHS of the child's life. Then you have to work for the state for a minimum of 35 hours/week to keep these benefits. And try to find a landlord that will except $350 a month in rent is impossible. Actually I could make a lot more then they would give me by going out on my own per hour.
Even if I do have to dance, I only plan on it being temporary. No matter how hard things get I do still believe that where there is a will there is a way. Perhaps I could get certification towards a career online during the day and work at night. If anyone knows of any programs that guide single mothers to well-paid careers...PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I am well educated...and I don't want to throw away all the years of hard work. I just need a little guidance.
If I can make at least $25/hour full time then I can make a good life for my son and myself as well as start to pay off my student loans and repair my credit.
I feel that things are on the up and up now....
giving up is not an option and I wouldn't want to raise my son to think that I am a quitter.
I also have been a singer/lyricist for some time now. I am searching for the right musicians to form a hard rock band that are truly serious about recording music and searching for a deal. I know that the music industry is VERY competitive and that few make it...however, I music is my biggest passion...and I feel that I should give it a shot while I am young and determined. If anyone knows of musicians looking for band members, let me know. Only serious minded musicians though. I don't have time to waste with people only interested in a spare-time gig.
I don't know if you read my whole post I get long winded lol but you could easily make this over the weekends off the books with your degree doing photography. I would not waste time getting another kind of certification when you have all you need already. Plus we are headed into prime wedding season. Photographers are going to be scrambling for good help.
I don't want to burst your bubble but making it in a band is like hitting lotto. You need a plan to take care of your son and yourself first. I also know a ton of people in both rock bands and who preform the party circuit. The party performers actually make money where the rock bands it is a hobby where they all have full time jobs during the week and spend all their free time practicing and doing gigs. I mean if you are any good start calling wedding party bands it is a way to make money while doing your passion. But to take on club gigs just starting off at 30 is too risky. If you did not have a 3 year old to raise I would say knock yourself out.
So you have 2 options imo. Call photographers and wedding bands giving them your skill set. I am sure you could do both and book your weekend solid. I have done 5 parties in one weekend (one Fri night 2 Sat 2 Sun) and without disclosing what I make ....I have been in the business for a while it was definitely worth it. A 5 party weekend for someone starting off would be at least $250 per party or $1200 a weekend to start and once you get reputation making $400-$500 per job is commonplace. Not to mention going out on your own eventually.
I am sorry I am so long winded but I hate to see your degree go to waste.
Kcat, you are a wonderfull mommy, I agree with the others try to do something with the photography if you can. Sending you Blessings and prayers, Michelle
This is truly sad, but your options are limited. If I were you, I would try to place the child with a relative or even in foster care, and go back to school for something that will support you both. This would probably put you out of his life for several years, but it would be worth it in the long run. Working at menial jobs that don't really support you is going to put you out of his life most of the time anyway, and it's a situation that won't improve. I know there are plenty of people who will tell you that you can do anything you set your mind to, and if it's your wish to listen to rah rah rah, you should do so. But the simple truth is that none of the possibilities open to you right now are really good ones, so you're going to have to choose the lesser of the evils. Sacrifice for the next five years or so is preferable to a lifetime of menial jobs and no security for either of you.
I absolutley disagree. Don't give up your child, he will always question why you "left" him. You can make it with him.
It will be hard, trust me, I have two kids and we suffer but i never would've given them to anyone especially foster care.
I understand that you don't want to dance. I wouldn't want to either!! However...if it pays well, I would do whatever I HAD to, to get the bills paid, and if that means dancing..then that would be a chapter in my life.
A long time ago I was a single mother. I waitressed at night and my family watched my child. Then I started going back to school.
And while you're dancing, or waitressing or some other pass the time job, apply at any place that you can that is in your field.
If welfare sucks where you're at-leave, as you say you can, and go somewhere else. I was on welfare at a time, and it is for purposes as this- to get people back on their feet so they don't have to use welfare ever again, such as I (I'm a teacher now and one of the happiest times of my life was when, upon graduation, I called my case worker and told him to take me off of everything!!). Go to a different welfare system. I know in Philadelphia, PA, where I lived, you can get a lot. I received foodstamps, WIC, and complete awesome health insurance. If I wanted to go the route, I would have received subsidized housing (I think you might have to pay 10% or something little) and subsidized daycare (same deal) and cash assisstance.
I would suggest that you try the local red cross, a shelter, or social services....They have information that could help you get into affordable housing, and they also can help you to find a job to help you get on your feet. I have volunteered for the shelter where I live, and the director has a ton on contacts and information that helps struggling mom and families get back on their feet. They can help you with child care and sometimes transportation. You can also check with Strides for kids...They will help anyone with kids...We have done several walks to raise money for that organization and they have helped a lot of people...Good luck and keep us posted....
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