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I'm really in a difficult spot? Long story but my 8-year-old daughter (should be going into 3rd grade) is just now overcoming years of selective mutism (social anxiety disorder in which she would not speak in social situations). She is a bright, sensitive kid but literally didn't speak to anyone outside of immediate family since she was 4 years old. Despite this, she willingly went to school and, although was learning, fell very far behind..especially this past year. When a child won't speak, it's difficult to teach reading, especially, so the teachers were definitely challenged. I won't spend time on the issue itself because, thankfully, she has over come it. Yay!! But the school was not working at all and we had to pull her out. It was a Montessori charter. Although it was under the umbrella of the school system, the special education/IEP track she was on was not upheld correctly and she really fell thru the cracks. SE is weak in charters in my city. Her self-esteem really took a hit because everyone else was reading and writing way beyond her. She is is at about 1st grade level right now.
So here I am with no clue which direction to take for school. My options are:
1. My neighborhood public school. The big con with that one is that she will be even further behind than the charter because the 3rd graders and even the 2nd graders here are way ahead of even where she should have been in the charter. Even with the extra help, it could be touch socially for her, being even further behind her class. She's starting to talk again and keeping her confidence up in every way is really important. Pro: the special education team would be stronger but it would not be every day and she would still be very aware of being on a separate track than the rest of the class.
2. Homeschooling. Not my favorite option because I think she really needs the socialization aspect and we have a terrible time working together on work at home. I try but it just doesn't work..although I wish it did!! I realize many homeschooling groups do have social activities but not sure if ti would be consistent enough.
3. Waldorf: My neighbor is a waldorf teacher and said it could be good fit, as academically waldorf is on a different track and she would actually fit right into the 2/3 level academically. It would also nurture her creative side. This kid literally draws all day when she can. There is a nice small waldorf near us but the big con is tuition..but I can make it work if necessary. Other pros are small classes (17 average)...and very experienced staff. Excellent reviews. I'm just not familiar with this option but it sure sounds great so far.
Any thoughts? I would prefer the public school track but I hate the idea of her being in a situation in which everyone is once again ahead of her. She's been through so much, I'd like her to feel like she's on the same page as everyone else for a change.
Personally, I'm a fan of neighborhood public schools. They HAVE to accommodate her disability. The others don't. Maybe start there and see what they think about grade placement. Maybe doing 2nd grade again would benefit her, and it wouldn't be obvious to the other students, since it' a new school for her. Good luck.
I don't know much about waldorf schools. Sounds like a good option, but is it another charter, or is it private?
It is a tough problem. I think you know homeschool will not serve anyone's needs so that is pretty easy to discard. I also only know a little about Waldorf schools only having had two students, siblings, who went to one. They were both academically above average, but the younger brother struggled a bit with the class structure in public school. There is something to be said for starting out in a public school if that is where you see her doing middle and high school, especially if tuition is a problem.
OTOH, the Waldorf set up does seem almost tailor made for your daughter, especially the way they group children by temperament rather than academic level and all the other reasons you listed. I know nothing about their SpEd programs though.
Good luck! And it is likely she will do fine in either environment.
Personally, I'm a fan of neighborhood public schools. They HAVE to accommodate her disability. The others don't. Maybe start there and see what they think about grade placement. Maybe doing 2nd grade again would benefit her, and it wouldn't be obvious to the other students, since it' a new school for her. Good luck.
I don't know much about waldorf schools. Sounds like a good option, but is it another charter, or is it private?
I am a fan too in terms of helping her..because..YES..they have to. But they cannot change the self-esteem issue that could happen being sooo behind. Just this summer, she was at a camp and couldn't write a paragraph about her experience and she was picked on. Not fun.
But I get stuck exactly on this because I like the option in the long-term.
The Waldorf goes through 8th grade, which is great. It is private. No dealing with the public school system, which can be a plus in some ways.
Thanks for the input! It helps me to hear different view on this
I am a fan too in terms of helping her..because..YES..they have to. But they cannot change the self-esteem issue that could happen being sooo behind. Just this summer, she was at a camp and couldn't write a paragraph about her experience and she was picked on. Not fun.
But I get stuck exactly on this because I like the option in the long-term.
The Waldorf goes through 8th grade, which is great. It is private. No dealing with the public school system, which can be a plus in some ways.
Thanks for the input! It helps me to hear different view on this
The problem with Waldorf is that it's curriculum is a bit strange especially in math and science. While they claim to teach standard science, I don't think they do. Waldorf has its origin in the teachings of Rudolph Steiner and is rather cultish, imo. They have some very odd ideas.
Schools portray themselves as “focussing on the wellbeing of the whole child” and “nurturing his or her creativity”. Again we must see what they mean by ‘whole child’ as being a reference to their incarnating souls. Pupils undergo daily dance sessions called ‘eurythmy’, a type of stylised dance invented by Steiner where movements have spiritual significance and purpose. Dances help the child’s spirits develop. Art is practiced too, but in a highly restrictive manner where paper must have rounded corners and with restricted media and colours, such as washes and waxes. Again such media have spiritual significance.
A parent wrote about surviving a Steiner School and show how restrictive such a regime can be,
"My daughter cried at bedtime and in the mornings as she vehemently resisted going to school. When her accumulated wet-on-wet “artwork” came home, I was aware that, unlike her prolific creative drawing done at home, at school the self expression we had anticipated was actually being frustratingly suppressed."
As for ‘individual needs’, children are treated and taught according to a temperament, such as Melancholic, Sanguine, Phlegmatic or Choleric – a classification assigned to children based on their physical and behavioural characteristics. Steiner saw physical appearance and colour as determinants.
I've worked in school districts for most of my adult career. I have limited experience with Waldorf. The one that was in our district consistently turned out kids who were very far behind academically. They also had difficulty transitioning to the structure in the public school setting, being used to much more leeway and control over their own environment in the Waldorf setting.
I'm a fan of public school in general, but especially for kids with special needs. Private and charter schools do not have to provide services and public schools do. That being said, I understand your concerns about your daughter's well-being and mental health. Have you asked her? If you did decide to try public school, it would be great to set up a situation where she could meet and get to know other girls (or boys) in her grade or class. Having a few ready-made friends would possibly do a lot to help increase her self-confidence. I would also keep in good touch with the teacher.
[quote=The one that was in our district consistently turned out kids who were very far behind academically. They also had difficulty transitioning to the structure in the public school setting, being used to much more leeway and control over their own environment in the Waldorf setting.
![/QUOTE]
Thanks for the info! I am curious at what grade level were the kids coming into public school from Waldorf? I am asking because my Waldorf teacher neighbor said children will be behind academically (by public school standards) until about middle school and then they actually end up surpassing their grade level and do quite well. So, if they are coming out of Waldorf at elementary level and into public, than that would be consistent with what I am hearing too. And clearly this coincides with what she told me about how my daughter is actually NOT behind for a Waldorf. Also, her kids went through Waldorf until 6th grade and then went into public middle school and were right on track. But I suppose it depends on the school and situation.
Anyway..I was just curious about that detail. It sounds like you need to commit to Waldorf for the elementary grades and then things open up a bit as far as options.
They also had difficulty transitioning to the structure in the public school setting, being used to much more leeway and control over their own environment in the Waldorf setting.
And..this got my attention because this is the very reason I had her in the Montessori charter! They are encouraged to be very independent and do have a lot more leeway..so she already is used to this! So, as much as I'd like public school to work for her, I'm now realizing she may already be in for a more restrictive experience. Hmmm..this info helps too. Thanks so much! It's a tough decision for sure.
[QUOTE"My daughter cried at bedtime and in the mornings as she vehemently resisted going to school. When her accumulated wet-on-wet “artwork” came home, I was aware that, unlike her prolific creative drawing done at home, at school the self expression we had anticipated was actually being frustratingly suppressed." [/quote]
Well..it's interesting that it sounds like this parent is describing a long period of time that her daughter was behaving this way. I wonder how long she waited to pull her out? I didn't read it all but I would have pulled mine out long before it built up enough history to even write about it. Sounds like a messed up experience but I cannot imagine they are all this way. Or why would they be so popular? Hmm...thanks for the info though.
My suggestion would be to try her in second grade in the public school and give them a chance to educate her. With zero tolerance for bullying these days (I know, not always followed), she may be okay and it may just be the best thing for her. You could always switch later if it doesn't work out. She may surprise you and catch up rather quickly.
Last edited by Sunflower_Girl; 08-28-2016 at 08:19 AM..
Reason: edited 'can' to 'and' in last sentence. :)
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