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My opinion over whether that woman deserves the flak she's getting for cheating on her husband is *nothing* compared to someone calling an child with Autism (something THEY DIDN'T CHOOSE) subhuman. And that remark had everything to do with my family, because my grandson & niece are both Autistic.
No comparison, but thanks for playing.
She was talking about the father of the child, NOT the child.
You chose the affair over family, and now you must suffer the consequences.
Hope it was worth it!
Honestly, this. It seems like you want every thing on your terms and conditions. Clearly, life doesn't work that way. I think you probably gave your daughter abandonment issues. I.e. "If I'm not X enough, someone will leave me like my mom left my dad when he got sick". I also think it's telling you think your other two daughters are so well off (when one got married at 18 unless you're fudging the numbers) and she's making poor choice. I feel a good mother would want to help her instead of pointing out her flaws. TL;DR: You sound selfish, demanding in your relationships (romantic and non romantic), and judgmental.
WOW... I never expected so many reply's to my asking for help. I do feel guilt. I know what I should have done after the fact but the man I was having the affair with was fine with me staying with my ex. He knew I felt terrible by what happened to him and I did. I guess I was just hoping i could take care of him and have a little love in my life. I was wrong. I should have divorced and then started the affair. I thought my girls were mature enough to understand seeing 18 years of their lives with my situation.
I am happy now. Extremely happy. At 55 I just now seem to know what being really loved is. My ex always thought of STUFF. Very materialistic I mean. Now i'm with a man that thinks of me. That hugs me, wants to go places with me, is proud of me, tells me everyday how much he loves me. I never had those things in my life. I am sorry about how things went down. I just hope one day my daughter will see things more clearly. I hope she takes good care of her son. As much as I resent my ex for watching me do everything for all those years and doing nothing i do hope my daughter takes care of him too. Funny thing is I didn't know he could do things until we were in the divorce court and his lawyer told him if he wanted the house he had to show the court that he could take care of it. Wouldn't you know the next day he was shoveling snow, doing laundry and cooking for himself. i was shocked to say the least. I said to him ("so you can shovel snow and cook now") he looked at me and said "I'M A MAN, I CAN DO ANYTHING") i was floored. All those years he watched me shovel snow, split wood(with a log splitter) haul wood in the house for fires to save on the gas bill, make meals, do laundry, vacuum, cut grass, tote kids everywhere, serve him his meals, cut his meat, pay the bills and work 2 jobs besides breeding dogs for 14 years and selling plants that I divided out of my gardens for a 1.00 each and painting ukrainian eggs and selling them at shows, UGH Just thinking about it baffles me. I sure couldn't do that all now. Oh well. I'm most proud of all my girls and always will be. I just hope one day my middle one will come to forgive me. Maybe she will , maybe she won't. I pray she will let me see my grandson. I miss him already. Only been 4 days but seems like an eternity. Thank you all for your opinions. Most all if not all have given me some insight. thanks.
If he was so terrible, why did you marry him? This all sounds very one sided. You were some angel and he is the devil. I bet your daughter feels this when he is brought up. I also bet you do this with your daughter who criticized in your OP.
No, but having an affair, and leaving the spouse for the person you're having the affair with does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
OP made the choice to start an affair instead of operating in honesty and filing the divorce first before starting a new relationship.
It's not as easy and simple as you (and others) make it sound. Like I said earlier, it's easy to be the moral police, but truly happy couples usually aren't the ones that have affairs occur.
No, but having an affair, and leaving the spouse for the person you're having the affair with does.
It's not as easy and simple as you (and others) make it sound. Like I said earlier, it's easy to be the moral police, but truly happy couples usually aren't the ones that have affairs occur.
She didn't leave the spouse for the person she was having an affair with, she was divorced. So.....no courage involved.
Kids can't see clearly sometimes until they get further down the road and look back. Right or wrong, it is what it is. And it will be her choice to forgive or not to forgive what she perceives as wrong. I'd leave her alone.
I think I might surprise myself with this response, but I'm not sure getting the divorce and then starting a new relationship is a better option for the ex-husband nor more moral than starting an affair and continuing to care for the husband (now ex-husband). I'm making the assumption that the ex-husband may not have been able to fulfill the OP's needs because of this stroke, if so, after 16 years of this, wouldn't staying with him and helping him through his condition while having the side thing going be a reasonable compromise? It was the daughter telling the husband that blew this potential solution up. To no longer care for the ex-husband in his condition is the bigger concern to me than whether this other relationship happened before or after a divorce. Perhaps I'm exaggerating the condition of the ex-husband.
If he was so terrible, why did you marry him? This all sounds very one sided. You were some angel and he is the devil. I bet your daughter feels this when he is brought up. I also bet you do this with your daughter who criticized in your OP.
I could have sworn the age to post on this site was 18-my mistake
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I bet your daughter feels this when he is brought up. I also bet you do this with your daughter who criticized in your OP.
