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I watched half a new TV show for awhile last night about Down Syndrome teens and young adults. Maybe called Born This WAy , not sure.
It was cute. Very informative. Everyone is high functioning and living their lives and dreams.
THEN this mother took her kid over to her "boyfriend's" house (4 dates or something)...and while the mother and his parents were chatting, they went in the bedroom and the girl was all over that boy who had to repeatedly stop it. She wasn't the least bit interested in all the things he wanted to show her: music collection etc. I think she said they were early 20s. But the girl had no preparation by the mother, apparently. I didn't watch long enough to know if there was a dad in the picture or not. The mother acknowledged the daughter was way too serious about the boy way too soon, etc. But you could tell they really didn't discuss much at ALL.
Proceed accordingly. It's not always the girl who gets taken advantage of.
In fact, I told my kid NEVER EVER EVER trust that [whoever] took her pills and slack off on the condoms!
He took my advise because he didn't want to lose his trust fund OR get an STD fresh out of college LOL.
And luckily SO since the first one cheated on him.
OP, you are indeed blessed that your daughter is talking to you about this. This means she is looking for, and expecting some guidance here.
Lay down whatever rules you feel need to be in place. This will help her when and if her boyfriend tries to pressure her into various situations, and she can say "Hey, my lousy mom/dad won't let me have friends over if they're not home". "will only let me go on group dates" etc. It's an effective way to deal with peer pressure.
Or do you consider being in school together dating?
My kid wouldn't be going to "his parents" house in the first place.
Are you a parent?
Heck, I learned that with my kid at 7 years old and it had nothing to do with "dating" or sex. Just idiot parents you can't trust
And I certainly DID have "control" over what he did when I wasn't around because he wasn't with some girl in her bedroom, either.
You only have so much control. You can tell your child no dating until a certain age. However he/she will sneak around on you if they really want to.
They can say they are headed to the mall with a group of friends and sneak off with the significant other. Go to the movies with a group and sit alone with their date. Hang out after school for homework help, and really hanging with the boyfriend.
You only have so much control. You can tell your child no dating until a certain age. However he/she will sneak around on you if they really want to.
They can say they are headed to the mall with a group of friends and sneak off with the significant other. Go to the movies with a group and sit alone with their date. Hang out after school for homework help, and really hanging with the boyfriend.
You missed the part where I said I was a parent.
NO, there was no "saying" one thing and doing another. There was no hanging out after school because he was in sports every day of the week.
Cheesh.
All it takes is PARENTING at age 14.
And you better KNOW your kid. MINE wasn't the LEAST bit interested in girls at age 14. And even for their proms not a single one of his crowd had girlfriends and their "dates" were just girls they were friends with in the same boat.
You may disagree with my OPINION about dating at age 14 but why would you chose to lecture ME about MY parenting experience and suggest I was just a goof who didn't know what was actually going on.
Or do you consider being in school together dating?
My kid wouldn't be going to "his parents" house in the first place.
Are you a parent?
Heck, I learned that with my kid at 7 years old and it had nothing to do with "dating" or sex. Just idiot parents you can't trust
And I certainly DID have "control" over what he did when I wasn't around because he wasn't with some girl in her bedroom, either.
No parent knows everything their teenager does. All kinds of sexual contact happens without access to a bedroom. School bathrooms, auditoriums, friends houses, malls, movie theaters, church camps, cars etc. all prime examples of places people have had sex without a bed.
While the Pill may seem easy and unobtrusive - she has to remember to take it every.single.day. Many women can't seem to handle that, much less a 14 year old. Consider one of the new IUDs that is good for 5-10 years (that would get her through college!) but could be removed at any time before that. It takes about 15 minutes in the doctor's office. For some young women it's not completely painless but for 5-10 years worth of protection it's worth it. "set it and forget it".
Also, we assume kids know about condoms...and they know about them but face the same issues as adults about being pressured because they don't feel good, or they don't have one at that moment. Avoiding STIs is as important as pregnancy. Consider HPV shots too - though condoms still must be used for other STIs.
I will take the same approach as my mother did with me and my sister. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 15, but had a longtime crush that I kissed toward the end of 8th grade. Once I told my mother I was sexually active (with high school boyfriend), she made an appt. with the OB/Gyn and I was put on implant BC, free of user error. She had very few rules, and was open and forward about sex for years before. My then-boyfriend's parents were also super duper breezy and didn't care one bit that we were sexually active. My mom and I were super close and kept lines of communication open.
I've taken the same approach with my older two girls. We have ongoing, straightforward and open conversations about sex, sexuality, sexual orientation, adequate protection, gender identity, dating, relationships, pregnancy, dating dynamics, etc. It is very much "no big deal." Sex is just sex. It's not taboo in any way, and yet my oldest (middle school) isn't sure about her orientation as she feels zero attraction to boys and girls. They're just her peers, and according to her, most are too annoying to have as friends, anyway. She and her friends are bookish types that are super focused on anime, comic books, reading, academics, interests, etc.
But when that time comes, we'll continue these conversations, as we've been doing for a while, unless she's an adult, in which case it's no longer our concern.
My 14 year old daughter informed last week she has a boyfriend, and he kissed her. I have 2 older sons, one of whom did not date until he was a junior in high school and my other son has not dated yet. So this is treading new water for me.
She had him over for just a few hours today, during the day. What kind of rules would be reasonable here? Allowed to be alone?
Any advice here? I'm truly on new territory here, and my own upbringing is not one to follow.
Time to take a two or three week family vacation. When you return, hopefully he will have moved on to his next victim, or vice versa. I'm being a tad sarcastic, but seriously, no they shouldn't be left alone.
I say this from experience: 14 is far too young to be dating, let alone kissing another person. My view is that if you are not ready to potentially settle down with and marry someone, you are not ready to date, so I'd say 16-18 would be the youngest I'd allow it.
There was someone in my grade who had a baby at the beginning of ninth grade. If you don't supervise every minute of their interactions, or else nip it in the bud altogether, bad stuff can and often will happen. This is not a very good situation and I think you're right to be concerned about it.
P.S. And by no means allow them in the bedroom.
C'mon, they can have sex in the bushes on the way home from school. Young boys only take a few minutes once the clothes are off, if that LOL. If they are going to have sex, they'll have it somehow, somewhere.
she is too young to have a boyfriend.I would make them breakup.
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