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My wife & I had her very young, we were both 18. Being just young parents, from the start we were never into any actual discipline. I struggle to recall ever putting her in time-out or taking toys away or anything like that. Instead we went with, " Just keep her happy, give her what she wants, everything will be fine." Luckily for her, we've been able to afford what she wanted. The lack of discipline as a child has spiraled into her being wild as a young adult. She began drinking very early on in high school, smoking weed, being with the wrong crowd, wearing these skimpy outfits that I hate, was still able to get into the University of Georgia( is now back home because the grades were so horrendous I pulled the plug).
Getting her to find a job or apply is like World War III. I've threatened to kick her out but my wife gives me the " She's your only daughter, you can't kick her out." lecture. On top of that, my thought is, I doubt that me kicking her out would leave her thinking " Sheesh, I better clean up my act." She'd take it as, " Yay, no rules."
It's to late as she's now an adult who's always gotten her way. I would suggest not giving her any money and tell her these are the rules of the house. Don't like them it's my way or the highway.
If you don't want to kick her out, set standards in the house so she can start learning responsibility. Rent - $x, food contribution - $x, electric- $x... She'll need to get a job to cover these amounts. Start them small because you have given her everything in the past, they need to be amounts that she can attain so she doesn't immediately fail.
Tell her the rent and expenses go away if she gets back in school and maintains B's.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 11 days ago)
35,637 posts, read 17,994,810 times
Reputation: 50679
ATLer, I'm kind of puzzled by the picture you are painting. Having "no rules" as a child doesn't usually result in the child spiraling out of control as an adult, and becoming wild as an adult. Or a child whose parents are absent or treat the child as if she isn't a priority at all. Being out of control is often the result of a child who has been too strictly raised - the old preacher's daughter cliche.
It sounds like she did fairly well in high school if she got into UGA.
I didn't discipline my children in the classic way - we didn't punish. I didn't do any taking toys away, sit in this one chair for timeout, you're grounded, etc. Although they certainly weren't given everything they wanted.
So. When she was a child did she look feral? Like, she just ran around the house doing absolutely anything she wanted all the time and any request she had was granted? I'm just trying to picture this.
My wife would prefer that I just hand her some " do-nothing" job, but, I don't think that helps anybody.
Until you and your wife are on the same page in the same book about this issue it will not be resolved.
Your daughter unfortunately is one of many who lacked discipline while they were growing up and she
is in serious need of a major real life reality check.
Ask your wife if she really wants to have your only daughter being supported by you both when she is
40 years old. Ask your wife if she really wants to have your only daughter become pregnant, keep the child and you both support and raise this child because of your only daughter's lack of ability to do anything productive and responsible.
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