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I told husband I would be fine with this hypothetical woman as I know how son "worships" me and would likely find a person that is in some ways similar to me.
I have to wonder since you believe that your son will either find a woman who will be like you, OR he'll find one that will hate you, if you are already prepared to hate his woman and chalk it up to it being because he worships you.
I don't think it's icky. I have 3 daughters and then I had a son. Boys are different. Girls seem much more independent, boys seem needier. I think that is why moms and sons can have such close (almost codependent) relationships.
That being said, moms also need to understand that when their sons grow up, they will no longer be #1 in their lives. It really is not your choice who they choose for a wife, and odds are YES, they will choose someone like mom....which means if the mom is overbearing, the DIL will be too. I think that is why many MIL and DILs don't get along....they are too much alike, and they are competing for the love and attention of their son/husband. Men seem less hung up on stuff like that, although there are men who feel like no one is going to be good enough for their little princess. Women just seem more territorial about what's theirs, and are certainly more complex in their social interactions.
Shocker of the century; this is not a black and white world. There are not simply "mother worshipers" and "non-mother worshipers". And the variations of those groups will not fit into a nice little mold of "will choose likewise" or not.
I got an "ick" feeling from the post. I have a 2 sons, and yeah, "ick".
Sons that "worship" their mother are not going to be happy with any other woman, because their mother will not. I also find the whole "worship" thing just creepy. I even find a mother wanting her son to find a woman like herself creepy.
My older son is married with 2 children. I was willing to welcome any woman that made him happy. I would like to remain a "unique" person to him with qualities he doesn't need to seek another to fulfill. I see myself and his wife as filling different types of needs when it comes to my son.
Maybe OP needs to go back and read slowly what was written and see if that is what she meant to post.
I would venture that the people (so far, he is very young) has been interested in are more molded by DH and my relationship than by me. By contrast, my daughter's approach to boys is very much modeled after me.
I don't really think it is normal or natural to get along better with one child over another. I do think it is normal and natural to interact differently. But there is a certain selfishness in allowing oneself to prefer one child over another.
It is normal because of personalities. I don't love one over another more. Absolutely not. But yes, I get along better with the older one vs. the younger one. YDS's personality and mine clashes. Neither of us are necessarily wrong...just different. And that's okay.
Well I am glad I wasn't the only one who saw some red flags here.
I have a son and a daughter. I have different and complicated relationships with both. My son is more loving towards me and seems to want to please me more. But that is who he is to everyone. He loves me, but he doesn't worship me. At 12 he will even call me out on things when I need it. My daughter needs me more but gets my attention in less adorable ways. But we are still close. She is almost 11 and has started telling me about the drama on the playground, which is pretty intense stuff. I feel really close to her even if she doesn't show me she needs me as much as my son shows me. I know her well enough to know she does need me.
Anyways...I just don't think its healthy, a mother son relationship as described. And I can almost promise kids come home with partners with traits that we least want to admit we have (although they still might be good people...those traits might just drive us nuts)
It is normal because of personalities. I don't love one over another more. Absolutely not. But yes, I get along better with the older one vs. the younger one. YDS's personality and mine clashes. Neither of us are necessarily wrong...just different. And that's okay.
Not selfish. Realistic. *shrug*
Sure. If you repeat it, I am certain to agree with you! Sorry, I think it is tremendously selfish as a parent. It is a parent's job to understand their child, not allow themselves to like one more.
Sure. If you repeat it, I am certain to agree with you! Sorry, I think it is tremendously selfish as a parent. It is a parent's job to understand their child, not allow themselves to like one more.
And if you repeat yourself, I am certain to agree with you.
I didn't say I LIKED one more than the other. Nor did I say I didn't understand YDS. I said I get along better with my ODS than my YDS. You literally have no clue what you are talking about and I will not waste my time trying to prove something to someone I don't know or for whose opinion makes no impact on me IRL. I really couldn't give a crap if some random online person thinks I'm selfish or not.
I know saying these things makes you feel superior to me. Enjoy and I'm happy I could fulfill that need for you.
And if you repeat yourself, I am certain to agree with you.
I didn't say I LIKED one more than the other. Nor did I say I didn't understand YDS. I said I get along better with my ODS than my YDS.
I am guessing the one you "get along" with less well would starve on the difference.
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