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My 17 yr old son wants to go on a trip to an annual event across the country this summer. His big brother goes every year and wants to show him around this year. This would also give him an opportunity to see aunts, uncles and cousins that he hasn't seen in a long time.
We said he could go if he meets certain expectations; good grades, good attitude, competing chores etc.
Well, he hasn't been meeting these expectations.
My friends think I should send him anyway for these reasons:
- He is 17 years old and he will be joining the Navy next year. This may be his last opportunity to see these relatives for a LONG time.
- It's a bonding opportunity with his brother
- I should be able to find another inducement/punishment for his grades, attitude.
I should also say that his attitude hasn't been THAT bad and he has made improvements. We are just pretty strict about that kind of thing.
He still has a few weeks to straighten up and fly right or he does not go.
I foresee a problem with the Navy if he cannot meet your requirements to go on the trip.
Yeah, that's part of the reason we have been so strict with him. His brother knows what the Navy will be expecting of him. We are trying to prepare him for that. They aren't really major things. Getting himself up when his alarm goes off. Shaving every single day. Doing his chores. He has done better than he was doing a month ago.
I think it was a mistake to put on those pretty loose expectations. Its asking for him to "fail". I think you can have a parenting re-do on this and work it out with your son.
Op, from my experience as a high school teacher for 10 years, the most antagonistic period between parent and child is the child’s senior year. The most glaring reasons were the following:
1. Senior sees senior year as the last hoorah with his high school friends - parents sees the senior year as the last chance to spend as much time with him as possible and try to cling on as much as possible. Parents try to squeeze in every second with their child, but their child wants to spend all his time with friends and doing senior year things.
2. Parents still treat their senior as a middle schooler with crazy amounts of rules. Senior thinks he Is mature enough to make more decisions regarding himself.
3. Parents try to squeeze in every last minute life lesson before the senior launches into college. The senior thinks he’s ready to make his own life and doesn’t want to hear it.
I think you should let your son go. Your job is done as a guardian is done. Now is the time to transition into his mentor/consigliere.
Let him go. The infractions you mentioned aren't major. He will probably never get this chance again. He will remember the experience for the rest of his life.
Is this REALLY the way you want to spend your last months with your son before he leaves home for good?
Arguing about shaving and waking up when the alarm goes off?
That's pretty minor stuff and very typical for a 17 year old. He's not doing drugs, in a gang, or out all night drinking. It sounds like he's on track to graduate H.S., and he has shown enough maturity to make plans for his life after graduation.
Let him go on the trip. Give him (and you) something GOOD to remember about his last months living at home with you.
Last edited by RosieSD; 02-28-2018 at 03:13 PM..
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