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Went through this too. Our girls thought that they would teach us a lesson and we had some really egregious behaviour. Had to take everything out of their room. Absolutely everything.
Day 1 they earned back a pillow and slept on the floor.
Day 2. Earned back some clean underwear.
Day 3. they were really helpful around the house and earned back three full sets of clothing, a set of sheets and one stuffed toy.
By the end of the week they had their matresses back (but no beds yet).
About day 9 they wanted to have freinds over and not be embarrassed and really really wanted to earn back their furniture so they worked all day.
About 15 to 20 days out they started getting back things like game boy, TV etc. Then they had a tantrum more nastiness and bad behaviour and lost some things back.
In less than a month they had everything back. It was a very peaceful respectful month. We never had much trouble from them again. In about 7 years, I think that we had to ground them each once or twice for a day. That is the total extent of discipline. The message sunk in.
Now, 7 years later, they are awesome kids. They are really balanced, happy, and everyone thinks that they are wonderful, but they also know that we mean what we say when it comes to discilpine.
The door slammers mentioned above are their younger siblings. They are learning.
HMMMM,
I REALLY like this one. Might just have to do that one if they ever act up REALLY bad. Usually grounding and taking something special away works now for them. BUT........... will ALWAYS remember this one.
It's pretty easy to tell who is a parent on this thread, and who is still a child.
From your posts Char, I can tell that you and you brother do not respect your parents and you do not have children of your own. If a child of mine threatened "consequences" to me over a consequence of their behavior or removed a door as "retaliation", they would promptly learn that the law only requires me to provide them with food, shelter, clothing and an education... right up until their 18th birthday. Nothing required even a day after that.
The law does NOT require privacy, cell phones, birthday cakes, rides to school, money for prom, college, hair conditioner, make up, etc.
Goodwill clothes (2 pairs of pants, 2 tops, 2 pairs of panties, etc in any style I choose), a constant companion (me or their father), a cot in the living room, a very balanced diet -rutabaga, cabbage, brussel sprouts, tofu, powdered milk and unseasoned chicken (salt is so bad for children, ya know).
And if they don't like it? Well, let me dial the number for Child Services FOR you! Children in foster homes have it so good. That's why everyone's always raving about how wonderful the system is!
Okay, I ranted a bit... but this is a forum for PARENTING, not kids who are still mad at mommy and daddy for not getting them that IPOD for their birthday. Gimme a break!
There is no reason that a 8 or 9 year old (that is how old they were when I took the door knob off) needs to lock me out of there room. NONE!! And yes, my house, my rules, my consequences. End of story. They have door knobs with locks on their doors now and have never tried to lock me out again!
If my kids ever try to "teach me a lesson" like was mentioned above, they would be really sorry!!
If a child of mine threatened "consequences" to me over a consequence of their behavior or removed a door as "retaliation", they would promptly learn that the law only requires me to provide them with food, shelter, clothing and an education... right up until their 18th birthday. Nothing required even a day after that.
Amen to that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc
The law does NOT require privacy, cell phones, birthday cakes, rides to school, money for prom, college, hair conditioner, make up, etc.
Amazing the things a lot of kids nowadays feel they are "entitled" to receive and we parents are "required" to provide.
Things like cell phones did not exist when I was a teenager, it was the age of the beeper, but even that was a privilege to have, and when I finally got one, it was more for my mom's benefit to reach me than it was for my own benefit.
So much is taken for granted and many do not appreciate what they do have. Sometimes I wonder how a lot of today's teenager's with their computer's and internet (paid for by mom and/or dad), their cell phones with unlimited minutes and text (paid for by mom and/or dad), and car's (paid for, fueled and insured by mom and/or dad) would have survived ohhhhh 20 years ago.
A lot of kids today seem to think that their respect HAS to be earned, even towards their parents. That they are equal to their parents. I don't believe kids are "equal" persay.. though I do believe they should be treated fairly. Funny though what many of them consider to be fair. Privileges and consequences that match their behavior, responsibility and maturity level is fair to me, but a lot of kids believe more in entitlement than they do in fairness or even equality for that matter.
Amazing the things a lot of kids nowadays feel they are "entitled" to receive and we parents are "required" to provide.
So much is taken for granted and many do not appreciate what they do have. Sometimes I wonder how a lot of today's teenager's with their computer's and internet (paid for by mom and/or dad), their cell phones with unlimited minutes and text (paid for by mom and/or dad), and car's (paid for, fueled and insured by mom and/or dad) would have survived ohhhhh 20 years ago.
A lot of kids today seem to think that their respect HAS to be earned, even towards their parents. That they are equal to their parents. I don't believe kids are "equal" persay.. though I do believe they should be treated fairly. Funny though what many of them consider to be fair. Privileges and consequences that match their behavior, responsibility and maturity level is fair to me, but a lot of kids believe more in entitlement than they do in fairness or even equality for that matter.
I'm with you!! I love your thinking on this, as I feel the same way. I really don't care that all my 11 year olds friends have cell phones!! She isn't getting one, she doesn't NEED one!! I feel that a lot of parents are now using the cell phone as supervision! Someone needs to be watching these kids! I hear a lot of parents say the kids have a cell phone so they can "check in" or because they are riding across town to their friends or going to the park. The cell phone isn't going to help them if someone grabs them, isn't going to keep them from talking to strangers, isn't going to keep them from making bad choices.
I'm with you!! I love your thinking on this, as I feel the same way. I really don't care that all my 11 year olds friends have cell phones!! She isn't getting one, she doesn't NEED one!! I feel that a lot of parents are now using the cell phone as supervision! Someone needs to be watching these kids! I hear a lot of parents say the kids have a cell phone so they can "check in" or because they are riding across town to their friends or going to the park. The cell phone isn't going to help them if someone grabs them, isn't going to keep them from talking to strangers, isn't going to keep them from making bad choices.
I agree. My kids are 19 and 15, both have cell phones, although I think looking back on this I probably would have gone a different route. Cell phones do come in handy for some things like dropping them off at the mall and then getting the call "mom, can you pick me up"... or being able to call them and say "I'm stuck in a traffic jam will be there shortly". But really cell phones have stripped parents of a lot of supervision ability in my opinion.
It's no longer the family phone in the living room where at least 1/2 the conversation was heard... now they take their cell phones to the privacy of their bedroom or even the bathroom. And when they really don't want you to know what they are talking about, there is always text messaging. With the house phone there was no way to disguise that call that came in after an appropriate hour, the phone rang at 11pm and you could pick it up and say, "this is not an appropriate time to be calling".... now they place the cell phone on vibrate and you would never know a call came in at 2am unless you are vigilant to check the bill when it comes in every month and deal with it then.
To a large extent I think cell phones create more of an adult, independent, entitlement to privacy than is healthy for a lot of youth today. It doesn't give parents more control or supervision as a lot of parents have bought into, it actually gives them less of both.
To a large extent I think cell phones create more of an adult, independent, entitlement to privacy than is healthy for a lot of youth today. It doesn't give parents more control or supervision as a lot of parents have bought into, it actually gives them less of both.
Very well said. I keep telling my DD that she is either at home or with me or step-dad, she doesn't need a phone. Now that you can't find a pay-phone anywhere, I will probably get her a cell when she starts going out with her friends. I've decided it will be MY cell phone that she can use when I see fit, and it will be returned to the kitchen drawer when she comes home. That way there won't be all the text messaging and late calls from her friends. She can use the kitchen phone to talk to her friends. When she gets a job and can pay for her own phone bills, she can have her own phone to do with what she pleases.
Also, my friends daughter was getting emails to her cell phone from people mom didn't know!! Luckily Mom checked the phone and records and found out pretty quick, but that could've been dangerous!
All of you other sane parents can use me as an example.
I have the ONLY 13 yo WITHOUT a cell phone IN THE WORLD! The horrors LOL!!! That is right, she does NOT have a cell phone and we have no plans of getting her one anytime soon. She is in athletics, made cheerleader, etc and I still know EXACTLY where she is and with WHOM! You better believe at this age there is STILL an adult around (too many sick-o people out there and I just let her see the news to prove it). She is either at home, at school, at church or in the supervision of another adult that I can get in contact with or they myself. THERE!
Now, she has seen at school kids get in trouble w/ their phones. One teacher turned on his phone in class and could tell them who nearby had on phones as well, bluetooth technology . They ALL got in trouble. Why on earth do they need their phone ON and then ON THEM DURING SCHOOL!?!?!?!!? One kid got mad at their own mother for always texting them and calling them DURING SCHOOL! HELLO!!! The PARENT was the one calling the kid DURING SCHOOL! Another got their phone taken away by the teacher because the mother called to say she would bring them lunch My darling child said that I would call and if she DARED answer the phone I would be the one flying up to the school and she would be in MORE trouble at home than she could ever dream of at school. Got that one right.
She does however use my cellphone to call or text friends and they also call and text her on my cellphone. It stays downstairs and she is NOT allowed to take it to her room. She is limited to how much she can text on it. She BETTER not use up all of MY text time When she does ever get her own cell it will be the same rules. It will be turned in when she gets home and we will have. If she gets a call or text on it we will let her get it but that is it. No calls at inappropriate times. I know that goes on. Even had one parent tell me their son was getting pics from his girlfriend (14 yo) that were of private parts.
I removed my 14 YO's bedroom door this evening. He was warned not to slam it when he got upset. He did not heed the warning. The door has been removed.
How long do you think I should keep it off?
I just have to give you applause. Thats exactly the kind of thing I would do.
I would watch to make sure he doesn't develop some other kind of way to express his upset rather then talking out his feelings.
My daughter used to shove mess under her bed. I took the bed ruffle off her bed so it could be easily seen. I told her if I found mess under her bed again, I would take the bed frame out and let the mattress and box spring rest on the floor. I took the doors off her closet for the SAME reason.
We didn't get our son a cell until he was 15 and then only because we are very rural and there are no pay phones around plus he started driving. Before this if he went up to snowboard he'd borrow one of ours for the day so he could call if he got hurt or really needed something.
I have texting/pics blocked as I don't believe in it. This is for a few reasons, the first is I am tired of trying to read things written by people who obviously grew up texting and their writing is now impossible to read and they can't spell. Second, it's bad enough that kids are losing the personal connections with the advent of the internet. If you want to talk to someone the do it the old way, call them or go see them. Third, with the texting goes pic's and the last thing I want is child pic's going across phones I pay for and could go to jail for.
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The horrors 
LOL!!! That is right, she does NOT have a cell phone and we have no plans of getting her one anytime soon. She is in athletics, made cheerleader, etc and I still know EXACTLY where she is and with WHOM! You better believe at this age there is STILL an adult around (too many sick-o people out there and I just let her see the news to prove it). She is either at home, at school, at church or in the supervision of another adult that I can get in contact with or they myself. THERE! 
When she does ever get her own cell it will be the same rules. It will be turned in when she gets home and we will have. If she gets a call or text on it we will let her get it but that is it. No calls at inappropriate times. I know that goes on. Even had one parent tell me their son was getting pics from his girlfriend (14 yo) that were of private parts. 
