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Dumb question maybe...but does it HAVE to be max parenting time? Like...wouldn't living an hour away be better than hours and hours and miles and miles away?
Usually, an hour's drive away from a particular town is a fairly significant change of scenery. Wouldn't have the triggers that the original town has.
What does the court order state?
I find this a rare instance since the courts decide the visitation. How was she granted custody?
My state doesn't even allow a parent to move from the area if they want visitation.
I'd suggest getting a lawyer and hashing out visitation.
Nice thing about orders.. they can be modified.
This baby momma needs to receive a reality check. The kid deserves a fatherly role model.are you that role model or just a title?
I currently live out west and have the opportunity to move closer to her. If I want max parenting time I need to be within 30 minutes of that town.
Is it like near the border of another state?
For example, some places within NJ, let's say are like 30 minutes from the NY border or the pA border. Maybe being in another state but still nearby would help take away the bad memories?
You still haven't stated her age. So we really don't know how many years you will need to arrange visits or move for. Hard to recommend anything without that info.
Personally, I'd hire a lawyer and file a request to amend the visitation orders. Since you are out of state, obviously she can't come to you during school time, but you have summers, spring break, winter break, etc. You could alternate having her for the Christmas holidays, and you might be able to arrange a monthly visit in which you fly to her town for a 3 day weekend, and you have visitation there, probably at a residence hotel or something like that, unless you have family there that could put you two up (Grandma's house?), or you can afford a little one bdrm apartment there to use when you visit.
You didn't give the age of your daughter. Is giving you less time the choice of your ex, or is your daughter not wanting to leave her friends to spend time with you?
You didn't give the age of your daughter. Is giving you less time the choice of your ex, or is your daughter not wanting to leave her friends to spend time with you?
It may be neither. Most school districts now only give a little over 2 months for summer vacation. I know here kids get out in early June and go back in mid-August. If he is living across the country, it is probably cost prohibitive to have her come out for a ton of holidays.
That said, I would imagine if the OP moves closER but not within 30 minutes, he would be able to get more time if not the max (which I assume is 50/50). Even every other weekend and more time in the summer and holidays might be preferable. Certainly it is not hard for someone to pick a child up for a weekend if he is an hour or 90 minutes away.
A few years ago I moved away from my daughter after a series of traumatic events with her mother. I was mentally broken and decided to leave the entire situation behind. I ended up out west and started an amazing career that allowed me to do so much more for my daughter.
I would see her often and at the time everything was great. I was able to live in a city that I love filled with opportunities and beautiful weather. I got to start over.
Well, her mother isn't being as nice now and my parenting time has been cut down to about two months per year which has been very tough to deal with. I've missed games and events and that really eats me up. So, I made the decision to move back to where my daughter lives so I don't miss these life events and to take control of my parenting time.
This is where it gets sticky. I absolutely hate this town. I am reminded of all of the bad memories that I've had there and mentally it kills all of the excitement I once had about moving closer to her. I feel like such a terrible person because I should be super excited about having more time with her, after all, it's what I wanted. I don't know what to do. Anytime I think about this I just default to being a terrible person.
I miss my daughter and I have the opportunity to leave the big city I live in now to move to her small city on the other side of the US, but that city is filled with negative memories and I don't want to move there.
How can you expect a good answer when you don't tell us your daughter's age?
I wouldn't worry about the games and events. If your time has been cut down, live where you need to, and push to have your daughter come stay with you on all holidays. Or maybe part of winter/spring breaks and a solid month in the summer. That should make her mother crazy, but give it a try. It's possible that the longer stretches with you will be more rewarding for both of you than your casual appearance at games and events.
How can you expect a good answer when you don't tell us your daughter's age?
I wouldn't worry about the games and events. If your time has been cut down, live where you need to, and push to have your daughter come stay with you on all holidays. Or maybe part of winter/spring breaks and a solid month in the summer. That should make her mother crazy, but give it a try. It's possible that the longer stretches with you will be more rewarding for both of you than your casual appearance at games and events.
Good luck.
I think we can already assume that happens since the OP said he gets 2 months a year with his daughter. That would include most of summer and a school break or two.
I dont think OP is a bad father. Ppl need to live where there is work and where they can live comfortably. If OP moved near his daughter & could not find work, thats not really so good either
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