Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have 5 kids and me and the wife push education and good grades above almost everything else. We understand an education whether it be college or trade school etc is the way to move up in life, whereas neither set of our parents really pushed education much, they just didn't care. I dropped out of school in 9th grade and my dad didn't care, eventually he told me to get my GED or get out of the house. I am now 35 and in college. They disagree with the way we raise our kids which is mostly letting them independent as far as their language, way they dress, things they are interested in as far as hobbies goes and being very strict on chores, school grade and attendance etc. My parents and my wife's were more of the opposite of the way we are.
DH and I were definitely more laid back in raising our kids than the way oldest DD is with her own. She's fanatical about no junk food, processed food, candy, cookies, etc. Our two grandsons (6 and almost 4) have never been to McDonalds and have never tasted a chicken nugget. She monitors their diet carefully and only gives them healthy organic foods, painstakingly cooked from scratch, which is a good thing. They aren't allowed to watch "crap" TV either...unless it's a parent approved movie during a "family time" evening. They are only allowed to watch educational programs (and limited time to no more than an hour or so a day on that). If I want to take oldest grandson to a movie, DD thoroughly researches it first, to make sure there is no "stupid violence" in it. They do encourage reading of almost anything grandsons want...(Goosebumps, Harry Potter, Minecraft books for the oldest, Thomas for the youngest). In that respect, it's how our own kids were raised, to be readers.
They also really push the academics, hard. Education is very important to them. It was to us as well, but we didn't put as much pressure on our own kids as do DD and son in law do with our grandsons. They enrolled oldest grandson in a private school for gifted students and he's doing accelerated third grade work at age six (his school encourages working at their own pace and even grade skipping). They are looking at early enrollment as well for the younger brother, who is already reading and doing simple arithmetic. DH and I encouraged learning and good grades, but we didn't push this hard.
On the other hand, my kids were allowed to eat junk (within reason). Halloween and Easter were a free for all with the candy. The rule was don't get sick and brush your teeth really well afterward. They were allowed McDonalds, Klondike Bars, Oreos, Tastykakes, etc. But I need to emphasize, as a TREAT. And they were allowed to watch cartoons, the Three Stooges, Beavis and Butthead, The Rugrats, Spongebob, and Ren and Stimpy. I watched along with them, I enjoyed them too!
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 08-24-2020 at 04:31 AM..
My mother gave lots of love, taught morals and instilled faith in God with her children. On the other hand, she was very sheltering and I personally was a very naieve tween who found out about things from other girls that my mother should have taught me. So I keep the good parent skills she taught me and improve on what I believe did a disservice.
I raised my kids totally different from how I was raised . my mother was the queen of cruel and mean and she could have gotten a degree in abuse of kids .My dad just went to the garage to ignore it . Me i chose to raise my kids with kindness and manners and a love of God and how to respect adults . my late husbands mother was the queen of mean and he used to tell me about her fingernails leaving marks and some of the bruises he carried in more ways than one . I do believe that is what brought on his cancer was the stress of living through that , he died twenty years ago from cancer . My husbands queen of mean is still living 93 and in a nursing home .My mother and dad passed 12 yrs ago and I never let them forget what they did to me . People speak of forgiveness , I have no forgiveness for people like them .
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
44,550 posts, read 81,117,303 times
Reputation: 57750
Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke
I sure hope so. I wouldn't curse any child with stcking them with my parents
Same here, well before I was even engaged, and moved out at 19 I swore to never go back, and that I would raise my kids, if any, the opposite of the way my father raised us. My mother was unable to influence him at all, and they were constantly arguing. The kids (9) were there to do chores so he didn't have to, and we had no normal play time or social activities with other kids. Disobedience or undone/incomplete chores was met with a whipping or paddling. Education was stressed, and grades were reviewed with consequences, but in the end only myself and one sister ever got college degrees.
I never laid a hand (or paddle/belt) on our 3 kids, all 3 have degrees now and good careers. One is married with 2 kids now.
Well most folks either think they know better then their parents and do a complete 180 in parenting rules.
Clearly that doesn't work because then the next generation reverts back to the grandparents style.
I grew up with 5 different parent role models. Strict, militant, free thinking, non existent, and community first. Each one I took the positive from. Sadly in reviewing my style...it was more free thinking and often too busy working to set guidance . Nope education wasn't the end all be all. I didn't discourage other means of passion and life skills .
As to letting my kids raise themselves with 'do what ya want' they found consequences came from that.
I'm all for guidance, influencing and open door policy. I'm also for putting a lid on other matters, no drugs, no harm to self or others, and definitely no disrespect in having those rules.
My parents certainly made mistakes but they encouraged us to read which was great. The biggest difference is how i raised my own kids was NOT to hit them. My parents were of the "spare the rod spoil the child" school. Neither my husband or myself laid a hand on them. It doesn't mean they were not punished but not spanked. That is a terrible learning tool, imho.
Growing up, my parents were conservative, church was a big part of family life. Solid blue collar/middle class. When it was your birthday you could go out with mom and dad to a restaurant but the other kids stayed home. Both my parents were miserable people, you were expected to do good in school but college was at your own expense. My dad had one crazy plan, he would pay for my college education but upon graduation then I would pay for the next sibling's college. Even as an 18 yr old kid, I laughed at him and passed on that offer. Cars were beaters that you could pay for with your own money.
My kids? I'm covering the first 4 years of university. Each kid got a brand new car, they fuel/maintain it and I've explained that I hope they get 10 years out of it.......the only "catch" you must have straight A's to get your license/car. If you don't get straight A's then you need a library card not a car!
Church..........hit your sacraments and good luck to you. I am not a church fan.
Birthdays- one kid turned 18, so we went skydiving on their birthday. Another kid had a surprise party trip, first class airline tickets to a place we had never been then 22 family members showed up at a theme park in matching shirts to celebrate her birthday. Needless to say she was completely shocked to see everyone there!
My kids have traveled extensively, literally have tried every restaurant in town. Growing up when I was a kid "IF" we went out to dinner it was a chain BBQ place on Sunday after church maybe once a month.
2 of my parents kids were extremely successful, other 2 have become "complete leach losers" still borrowing money from my mom in their 40's. Divorces, foreclosures, failed businesses, illegitimate kids and literally broke every month. The gap from successful to unsuccessful is growing by the day. I wish my dad was still around to see these two dead beat kids of his.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
