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Okay, this post is about my nephew this time instead of my son, lol. My brother and his wife are having a terrible time with their 10 year old son. He doesn't like school and every evening right before getting ready to go to bed he starts getting a "headache" or a "stomach ache" of his foot hurts or... you get the picture. He's an average kid, very active, very athletic, loves to play. His mom says its not just school either, on Sunday morning he wakes up not feeling good either, not wanting to go to church. They feel bad because they are having to get really hard on him. My sister in law said last night that he cried uncontrollably, said he didn't know why he was crying, but it's all because he just wants to stay home.
They moved the kids to a new school this year (the one my son goes to) because they thought maybe he would do better at a smaller school with family, but she says if anything it has made him worse than he was. They are at their wit's end. After getting in trouble, he always says he's sorry and will try to do better but then it starts again.
I personally feel that they let him stay home too much when this first started and now that its a full blown problem, they don't know what to do. He has a sister that is almost 12 and she loves the new school but she likes to stay home on occasion too.
Do any of you have such problems and how do you handle it??
I don't have kids but I did exactly what he did. I know I hated school and played sick due to being bullied. As a kid, church was very boring for me so I definitely tried getting out of going as much as possible. So, it could be deeper issues or he just might be plain old lazy and is playing his parents. Only they will be able to find out the real deal. Tell them don't take him saying he is sick at face value. Get rough and force the truth out of him. Sister-in-law should have taken that opportunity while he was crying. At 10 yrs old I knew I would rather play all day (especially if I had a video game and was >< this close to making it to the next level, lol)
We usually do stuff together most evenings and he can play and play and being having fun, its just that the minute they go inside when the playing is over, that's when he doesn't feel good. And they really feel that he actually does make himself sick sometimes.
My brother, his dad, was like that at that age too. Our parents even hospitalized him at one point thinking he had an ulcer, but he didn't.
Apparently he asked his teacher yesterday if he could go to the nurse and get a bandaid for his finger (said he had a splinter and couldn't write) and she exasperatedly asked him why he felt the need to go to the nurse "every" day. Of course that upset him, he said it's not every day. But I think he does go several times a week.
So he only gets sick when the fun stops, LOL. Hmm, maybe its the attention that goes along with being sick that he likes? You know what I mean? Like you get coddled and people feel sorry for you and make a big fuss and whatnot. This is a tough one.
I'm wondering if perhaps they could frame this differently. Rather than let him play, then "get sick", how about if he "gets sick" he has the spend the next 24 hours home on the couch or something? Make it seem like yes dear, we are taking you seriously. If you say you are sick, you must be. Of course since you are so sick, you won't be able to play today (not outside, not video games, etc). If you're feeling better by tomorrow evening, then you may go play.
He wants to be believed. Why have a battle over this? Go along with it but make sure they don't allow the fun things because, of course, he's so sick....
I worked with a girl who had severe school anxiety so would do this same thing; however, if he still likes to do "fun" things he may just be manipulating them. Her sibling, however, would pretend to be sick so that way she could have alone time with mom and dad. As another posted said, I would also be concerned about bullying or something.
Here's what I would do: 1) if they think it is school or social anxiety take him to counseling to work on it. 2) if they don't think it's school or social anxiety, sorry buddy, no visits to the nurse, and you have to go to school unless you are bleeding or puking. I wouldn't play into it or it would get worse. He may just need to realize that sometimes kids have to do things they don't want to do (I've worked with those kids too!)
Also, threatening him with no follow through will just make things worse. Consistency is needed!
i agree with those that said he might be bullied at school. maybe those same kids go to that same church.
i know it' hard because as a kid i never wanted to tell my parents anything-i was lucky i was not in any real trouble.
try to get to thebottome of this. try to get someone to talk to him who can get the truth out of him without flipping out over it.
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