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When my daughter was five I enrolled her in our state's prepaid college plan-four years tuition and dorm.
She is now 23. She graduated from highschool in 2003-five years ago. Right now she is one or two classes shy of her two year degree.
Here is what happened:
She went away to school her first year. She partied, goofed off, failed, dropped classes etc and returned home with a 1.6 GPA.
We learned the academic demands of a full time student are too overwhelming for her. She truly struggles with academics. We told her take your time. One or two classes a semester and just keep moving forward.
She returned home to go to the local community college. As always, she starts of strong but then slacks off as the semester progresses. She decided that it was easier to hang out with her loser unemployed boyfriend than go to class, so she drops out in the middle of the semester. She repays us for the tuition and books. She doesn't go the next semester either. She learns the real world sucks and re enrolls in school.
The last two semseters she takes more seriously but doesn't do well academically.
This brings us to the current dilemma. DD wants to finish her AS degree at the larger, main campus 30 miles away then finish the last two years at another school in the same town. I have no problem with any of this.
The issue is housing. She refuses to live in the dorms claiming she is too old. Frankly, I agree with her. The dorms would be covered by the college plan. She cannot afford an apartment nor can we.
Here are the options:
-A student loan which we will need to cosign. On the one hand she is generally responsible with money. On the other hand her poor employment habits make a steady paycheck less likely.
-Cash in the dorm portion of her college fund ($5900) and give it to her for an apartment but tell her no more. The problem here is we were going to cash this in to cover the extra tuition needed because of her prior failures, dropped classes etc. There is not enough money left in the tuition account for her to complete four years because of this.
We told her if she gets a legit four year degree any money left in the college fund would go to her. The fund also expires in five years so if she isn't done by then it gets cashed and mom and I go on a hell of a vacation!
I want her out of the house. It is time. She is not causing any huge issues by being here but she needs to spread her wings in the real world.
I am torn between the value of her learning on her own vs the fact that I am heavily subsidizing this. It will seem like a handout.
Cash it and go on your vacation! She is 23 yrs old!!!!! Not only is she too old to be living in a dorm she is too told to be doing what she is doing. Kick her out let her get a taste of the real world. Let her work and pay her way it is time. I see this so many times 20 somethings using college as an excuse not to do anything so mommy and daddy can support them. I know people going on their 6th yr and no they are not pre med. Enough is enough you are NOT doing her any favors by holding her hand.
I agree. Nobody want's to abandon their kid but she's not a kid anymore. She's a grown woman and she's taking advantage of the situation. She'll continue to do this the rest of her life if you let her. I say cash it all in. Pay off some debt if you have any, do some home improvements, and take a cruise (without your daughter).
My parent's were not wealthy people. They weren't able to save much money for me to go to school. Through scholarships, cash, jobs, and student loans I paid my own way. Tell her to get off her lazy good for nothing a$$ and do the same. Or she can just get a job at burgerking and pay you rent!
I'll have to agree. Unfortunately you are not the only parent I have heard from whose kids are not wanting to leave the house...what is going on? Go on vacation, you deserve it!
My son also did not take college serious & it was for art something he loves. It was an expensive lesson.
With your girl, no more college, she needs to get a job and start making money. If after she's been making money she wants to go to college, then let her have the rest of the money once she proves herself with being enrolled for what ever time you think is appropriate.
I wouldn't use the money on vacation but would keep it in an account of some type for her when she gets older and needs money for a house or something, or leave it to her in her will.
These days it is harder for "kids" to leave the nest & I won't just push mine out. Right now mine has had a great steady job but I do expect him gone by 25. I was able to live at home & work the family business for as long as I needed, my dad was always there for me as long as I paid my way. She needs to contribute to the food, gas & electric at least unless she is helping around the house.
My comment about using the money for vacation was true but in the context of the post it was meant to be sarcastic. I have no intention of cashing in the tuition before it expires.
We told her as long as she keeps moving forward, even slowly, with college she can use that money. When she dropped out we made her pay rent. She also would up in the hospital during that period and is still paying off the bill. She was on our insurance but we wouldn't pay the deductible or copay-several thousand dollars.
Kicking her out is easier said than done. First there would be serious domestic conflict with my wife over this. Second, the economy and cost of living here make this an even harder thing to do.
If you set that money aside for her benefit with regards to college, then using it for college purposes is okay. What I would not do is give it to her to blow in any way, shape or form that she chooses. That was dedicated money. If it is not going to be used for what it was intended for, then you cash it out, reabsorb it and give yourselves some of those luxuries you maybe did without to save it in the first place.
Now... she is 23 so dorm housing probably is not a good idea. But sure she could get some sort of apartment with a roommate situation or something like that. She, at that age should be going to school full time and working either full time or part time. It can be done, many do it all the time. Other options are work full time, school part time or if the roommate situation is good, school full time, work part time.
Now how can you help her achieve college with the money set aside for it and not enable her by giving her something she is not working for. The money you set aside had a portion for tuition and a portion for dorm. Well whatever she blew in tuition through her actions is gone. She can work towards getting scholarships, grants, loans etc. to cover whatever she is short on. The portion that is for dorm expenses. You can break it up into amounts that you could put into 3 month interest bearing CD's or something like that (even just an interest bearing savings account that you manage). You can then tell her that each school quarter, you will give her X amount of money towards her housing expenses upon her presenting you her GPA for the quarter. Establish a minimum level GPA that would qualify her getting this money. Maybe a 2.5 or a 3.0 or something like that. This way, she is earning that money through her responsible behavior and attitude towards school. If she doesn't make the grade, she doesn't get the money.
Just an idea. You kind of will be reimbursing her money spent upon presenting you proof of attendance and grades.
I wouldn't give her any more money for school or borrow/co-sign money for her school. College may not be her thing, although she now thinks the Real World is not her thing either. She might be escaping to college to just avoid having to make it in the Real World. If her grades are not that good and her effort is poor, then what's the point?
I assume she is working since she's not taking a full load of classes. Right? What about a vocational type thing like hair dresser or something like that?
School is 30 miles away? She can commute, work and pay you rent, or, she can work, move closer to school and pay rent for an apartment. She can always get a roommate to help pay the rent.
Perhaps you can offer her an incentive to move out and pay for her own housing, by offering the housing portion of the money you have to her at graduation. No degree, no money.
And as for the "domestic conflict" with your wife, just tell her you're putting your foot down and going to see to it that daughter becomes a responsible, independent adult who will be able to take care of herself when you two are gone. Her way isn't helping.
Ask her if she thinks there is a problem. Consider a diagnosis of ADD--I got one as an adult and it has made a tremendous difference in my ability to finish things, that is really the big difference for many adults who otherwise do "OK".
If not, maybe she'd like some other sort of job training. I'm just one of those people who think education is a hell of a lot more important than self indulgence.
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