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Let's say your child had no friends. He or she is always by themselves, they spend a lot of time in their room watching TV, playing video games, or on their cell phone. They don't have anyone to go out or hangout with. How would you respond to that?
Would you criticize them? Would you try to help them?
No, you don't criticize. Yes, you try to help, encourage them to do something that involves other kids so they can build friendships naturally. Socializing skills are necessary in this world, some kids need more of a push to help with this.
Let's say your child had no friends. He or she is always by themselves, they spend a lot of time in their room watching TV, playing video games, or on their cell phone. They don't have anyone to go out or hangout with. How would you respond to that?
Would you criticize them? Would you try to help them?
I would get them involved in more extra curricular activities and put them in more situations where they could make friends. If they are shy, I'd try harder to inspire confidence in them and encourage them in all aspects of their life.
If them not having any friends was do to not like people at all, or if they were anti-social rather than shy I'd want to know the root cause of it and have them talk to a child psychologist. If at all possible, I'd try to prevent what I fear could happen if I did nothing.
Let's say your child had no friends. He or she is always by themselves, they spend a lot of time in their room watching TV, playing video games, or on their cell phone. They don't have anyone to go out or hangout with. How would you respond to that?
Would you criticize them? Would you try to help them?
Just for the record - My kids never had a TV or video games in their bedroom. It was in the living room where they had to interact with family.
If you child doesn't have friends - you
(1) speak to his/her teachers to see if he/she interacts well at school.
(2) ask the teachers for recommendations
(3) test for disabilities to confirm there is no autism or other social disability/issue
(4) ask your child is he/she sad or lonely
(5) depending on the age of your child - in grammar school, ask if you could arrange playdates with classmates. In middle or high school, ask your child what you could do to help.
Finally, you want to help he/she feel connected to the world.
Make family routines that connect you and your child - Monday nights - Chinese food or Wednesdays - board game nights - Fridays - celebrate the weekend with a movie. Plan special weekend activities - trips to the zoo, hikes, or something he/she would be interested. Something that your child could look forward to every weekend.
You want to make sure your child isn't aliened from the entire world and knows he/she is still connected and loved. To avoid this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by SerlingHitchcockJPeele
If them not having any friends was do to not like people at all, or if they were anti-social rather than shy I'd want to know the root cause of it and have them talk to a child psychologist. If at all possible, I'd try to prevent what I fear could happen if I did nothing.
I would definitely intervene. I've seen the results of this kind of upbringing too many times here on CD and it's so disheartening to see grown up neglected, unsocialized children. It's a form of child abuse IMO.
No, you don't criticize. Yes, you try to help, encourage them to do something that involves other kids so they can build friendships naturally. Socializing skills are necessary in this world, some kids need more of a push to help with this.
Just for the record - My kids never had a TV or video games in their bedroom. It was in the living room where they had to interact with family.
If you child doesn't have friends - you
(1) speak to his/her teachers to see if he/she interacts well at school.
(2) ask the teachers for recommendations
(3) test for disabilities to confirm there is no autism or other social disability/issue
(4) ask your child is he/she sad or lonely
(5) depending on the age of your child - in grammar school, ask if you could arrange playdates with classmates. In middle or high school, ask your child what you could do to help.
Finally, you want to help he/she feel connected to the world.
Make family routines that connect you and your child - Monday nights - Chinese food or Wednesdays - board game nights - Fridays - celebrate the weekend with a movie. Plan special weekend activities - trips to the zoo, hikes, or something he/she would be interested. Something that your child could look forward to every weekend.
You want to make sure your child isn't aliened from the entire world and knows he/she is still connected and loved. To avoid this:
This is all very good advice.
If your child is mostly alone even at home, then start with the bolded paragraph above. My daughter started getting picky about who she wanted to be friends with and I saw her friend group dwindle. She stopped getting invited to gatherings and it didn't bother her. She had legitimate reasons for not being bothered as that friend group ended up divided and turned on each other. But still, I want her to find new friends and told her next year to make 1 friend in each of her classes.
So we started spending more time together. One of our favorite past times is watching romance series from Asia but we have to agree to watch the same show. I tell her why I don't like something and she tells me her own reasons. Right now we are watching and loving "The Rookie Historian". So I don't always focus on what she wants to do. She has to learn how to encourage others when they are not interested in an activity, so I've been guiding her there. I use food as encouragement and decided to have her learn fast, low-calorie snacks to serve others.
Send them to summer camp. Put them in dance or sports. There are a lot of ways to meet people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I would definitely intervene. I've seen the results of this kind of upbringing too many times here on CD and it's so disheartening to see grown up neglected, unsocialized children. It's a form of child abuse IMO.
This, and this.
Maybe I missed the age of the kid - this advise tapers off as the kid ages, but if s/he is younger, definitely push to make friends. Remember, up until a certain age, kids making friends heavily involves the parents (playdates, playground interactions, etc).
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