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3.5 is pretty old. This is just my opinion and I know plenty of people will disagree, but my experience from potty training my own three kids and several other people's kids (that I used to babysit), by that age the diaper habit is pretty entrenched. It's actually easier when they're 2 to 2.5. But that doesn't help you now.
I don't like pullups and never used them, except at night for an older toddler. They are just like a diaper and delay training. The child needs to have regular underwear and to feel wet.
My instinct is to pull her from preschool and keep her home, but keep the at-home experience as boring as possible. Instead of constantly taking her to the potty and giving her lots of attention, detach a little. Make her want to go back so she can play with her friends, but tell her she can't until she doesn't need diapers and uses the potty all the time. At 3.5, it really shouldn't take more than a few days to potty train if she is motivated.
I agree I did want her to be potty trained by 3 but we didn't get there and it's upsetting that she can be developing really well but can't get this skill she could've learnt at 2. We've not used pull ups at all in the training process for the last two months at preschool or at home. I agree with a lot of this but I worry about making training a punishment as she's really trying. It's at the point where it's making both us and her more tired and it does feel the only chance of success is to try and keep positive.
I had expected progress after two months of training but we haven't really gone anywhere.
We will have a secure place at the preschool which is good of them, but if we pull out this week it's going to be difficult to train as I haven't got a chance to talk to my boss or to get a childminder for a short period, but the alternative is reverting back to pull ups in the day
Thank you! We tried this approach demonstrating all this, but we were pantless, we've not used a pull up in the last 2 months at all as I didn't want to go back She was great with using the dolly to demonstrate the actions and new how to go on the potty but she never had the urge to go and sit without our time reminders. She'd repeat all the actions but sometimes wouldn't go and then have an accident shortly after
Did you do it as the book describes? Giving her lots of drinks and snacks to make her thirsty?
Did you do it as the book describes? Giving her lots of drinks and snacks to make her thirsty?
Yep it wasn't this specific book we followed, but we did have the advice from others to give loads of drinks and snacks. We found with the more drink the accidents were more frequent and it wasn't triggering any sensation so we stopped that, purely because we were going to run out of pants, and we did try this pantless before
I hate for you that she's having troubles but I also don't think you should expect the preschool to deal with this at all. My mom ran a preschool for 50 years for 3-4 year olds and never would have accepted a child that wasn't potty trained.
I hate for you that she's having troubles but I also don't think you should expect the preschool to deal with this at all. My mom ran a preschool for 50 years for 3-4 year olds and never would have accepted a child that wasn't potty trained.
Yep I understand this completely. The preschool have been supportive and have really got behind our efforts to train, but they've not seen anything and therefore want her in the group where that support can be provided. We want to go back to the preschool when trained and really would like to stay but I'm just don't know if I want to go back to diapers to keep her there.
I'm split between the view that the step back will lose anything we've done but equally we still seem such a long way away I don't know when we'll succeed and if we should do as the preschool say and hit pause.
Both my kids were slow to potty train. It was a difficult time for all of us.
I spoke with my MIL and she told a family history of difficulty potty training her kids so perhaps it was partially a genetic issue. The harder I tried the worse it got. How to drive Mom nutz.
With my second I was back in college and taking a class on behavior modification. Everyone needed a class project to modify someone's behavior. This was a perfect opportunity to combine the stress at home with a scientific solution and get my homework done. We'd see how well the principles worked.
One thing that did for me was take the personal nature out of the struggle. I got more detached and scientific about it and that helped a lot.
First I took him to a really wonderful nursery school and showed him where he could go when he was done toilet training. Then I used M&Ms for a reward when he was successful. Not a lot, just a couple. He could pick the colors. Made it a big deal. These were different times. Maybe that wouldn't seem like such a treat to today's kids. I don't know.
There was more to the program than that but I remember it working very fast. And I got a good grade in the class thanks to my son responding so well.
I'm glad I never have to go through that frustrating experience again.
Both my kids were slow to potty train. It was a difficult time for all of us.
I spoke with my MIL and she told a family history of difficulty potty training her kids so perhaps it was partially a genetic issue. The harder I tried the worse it got. How to drive Mom nutz.
With my second I was back in college and taking a class on behavior modification. Everyone needed a class project to modify someone's behavior. This was a perfect opportunity to combine the stress at home with a scientific solution and get my homework done. We'd see how well the principles worked.
One thing that did for me was take the personal nature out of the struggle. I got more detached and scientific about it and that helped a lot.
First I took him to a really wonderful nursery school and showed him where he could go when he was done toilet training. Then I used M&Ms for a reward when he was successful. Not a lot, just a couple. He could pick the colors. Made it a big deal. These were different times. Maybe that wouldn't seem like such a treat to today's kids. I don't know.
There was more to the program than that but I remember it working very fast. And I got a good grade in the class thanks to my son responding so well.
I'm glad I never have to go through that frustrating experience again.
Thank you! Glad the way worked for you. We've had tears about the fact she'll not be in the same preschool room as she really likes the staff. But that hasn't driven any success led by her today, we've taken her at regular interviews and she's gone but hasn't told us again and has had accidents. We've been good at building a healthy lifestyle and so we give skittles as a reward every time. We do wonder if doing that when it just happens without her leading is the correct thing or if we're just rewarding for sitting down
/and so we give skittles as a reward every time. We do wonder if doing that when it just happens without her leading is the correct thing or if we're just rewarding for sitting down
I would guess that for today's moms that would be an unpopular reward. Don't know. My kids didn't get candy often so it seemed like a good motivator.
I do know that with behavior mod there is consideration that you don't form another unwanted habit by accident.
Would it have to be a nine-grain cracker these days? Or a carrot? LOL.
Kids and cats are good at turning these things around on you. I once had a nice ginger cat who taught me to shake hands. The idea was I say, "Shake," lift his paw and shake it, then scratch his ears. After a week of that he'd stroll over, hold up his paw and expect me to shake it, then wait for the ear scratch. Never did get him straightened out. Did something wrong or he had a twisted sense of humor.
Guess I'm joking a little about a sad subject for you. I remember how it felt. I just kept saying to myself, "No kid ever entered college wetting his pants." That helped.
Does she have regular bowel movements? One of my grand kids suffers with constipation, it interferes with him being able to feel he needs the potty. By the time he felt he needed to go, if he didn't get to a bathroom ASAP he would have an accident.
Some kids just don't potty train before 4. If she is not feeling the need to go, then it's more so you and the preschool trying to catch her at the right time.
I don't know what to suggest. I know preschools want them potty trained by her age.
Guess I'm joking a little about a sad subject for you. I remember how it felt. I just kept saying to myself, "No kid ever entered college wetting his pants." That helped.
Good luck.
Haha no worries, candy is a rare treat so she is encouraged so much at getting more, but still doesn't get her to initiate only when we have her sat there. We did take a step back and had a chat and we're really not sure what we're actually rewarding her for
It definitely feels like we're trying to break that at this rate...
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