help with neighbors who blame my kids for everything (10 years old, dad, house)

[austinnetx]

Originally Posted by bibit612

I can only be nice ONCE to people like these, and complaints like these don't end with kids. Then they'll start picking on my dog next.

This is how exactly I would respond if approached a second time:

"Ma'am, I truly feel bad that you are having problems with kids on your property, but unless you could show me irrefutable proof that it is my kids you are referring to, you need to stop ringing my bell. Otherwise, my lawyer will be ringing yours!"

Bingo.

Tell them they are harassing you and you will sue them if they step on your place or contact you again.

[Green Irish Eyes]

Originally Posted by cdc3217

If so, I think you might have more luck taking the approach of, yes, my boys were unaware of how much it irritated you that they stepped on their grass and we have changed habits A,B, and C so they don't do that anymore. Here is a basket of muffins with blueberries spelling "We're sorry" that my darling children baked for you. Go pick on some other neighbors now.

I really think this is the best approach. You know the old expression -- "Kill 'em with kindness." Acknowledging that they feel aggrieved (whether you believe it's warranted or not) will go a loooooooong way towards appeasing them, and telling them that the boys no longer go to that section of the neighborhood should make things OK.

If they were to come back again afterwards, I'd suggest one of the stronger responses suggested, i.e., "As I told you before, my children no longer visit your area of the neighborhood, so it must have been someone else's children you saw." And then close the door.

[goodmanm]

That's life on a cul-de-sac. If kids are playing outside balls, etc will end up in the yards. I guess they don't realize that.

Perhaps if they're that troubled by someone on their grass they ought to take additional steps to protect their property such as no trespassing signs or a fence.

If your kids weren't around at the time then they definitely need to get their facts straight before making accusations.

As others have said I'd make sure your kids know what you expect of them while they're outside.

[keeperk]

It's a hard one as it sounds like you're trying to rationalize with the irrational.
I keep trying to do that and it does not work.

I like the certified letter attempt or the lawyer letter attempt. It's straight forward and to the point. No games. Obviously these people are not open minded enough to consider others may be at fault.
If someone thinks they might have to pay some money for put up or shut up. They usually shut up and are much more careful about their complaints.

I am sorry I don't live in a neighborhood so my son can go out and play with friends, but after your post, it's a great reminder of the neighborhood headaches I had and now glad I don't. I have ONE neighbor. She does not have kids but has a big dog. Her dog eats my dog's food, pees on my tires, then has his favorite pooping station by my van. I've never said anything to her about it in years.
I just finally put up a fence and if I don't want to deal with her dog I close my gate to keep him out or put the food away when my dog is not out.

She came over one day and told me my dog has pooped all around her house and there is TONS OF IT. My dog is old, hardly gets around, has her favorite pooping spot and does not eat that much to create that much poop. So instead of arguing with her I just agreed and told her I'll come pick up her poop if she'll come over everyday and pick up her dog's poop and keep him out of my dog food as thru the years it's been quite expensive to feed both dogs. I've not heard a peep from her about the dogs since.

[hypocore]

Originally Posted by keeperk

It's a hard one as it sounds like you're trying to rationalize with the irrational.
I keep trying to do that and it does not work.

I like the certified letter attempt or the lawyer letter attempt. It's straight forward and to the point. No games. Obviously these people are not open minded enough to consider others may be at fault.
If someone thinks they might have to pay some money for put up or shut up. They usually shut up and are much more careful about their complaints.

I am sorry I don't live in a neighborhood so my son can go out and play with friends, but after your post, it's a great reminder of the neighborhood headaches I had and now glad I don't. I have ONE neighbor. She does not have kids but has a big dog. Her dog eats my dog's food, pees on my tires, then has his favorite pooping station by my van. I've never said anything to her about it in years.
I just finally put up a fence and if I don't want to deal with her dog I close my gate to keep him out or put the food away when my dog is not out.

She came over one day and told me my dog has pooped all around her house and there is TONS OF IT. My dog is old, hardly gets around, has her favorite pooping spot and does not eat that much to create that much poop. So instead of arguing with her I just agreed and told her I'll come pick up her poop if she'll come over everyday and pick up her dog's poop and keep him out of my dog food as thru the years it's been quite expensive to feed both dogs. I've not heard a peep from her about the dogs since.

She's just now noticing all the poop because her dog is being forced to poop in it's own yard! haha

[dawnsden]

My daughter was blamed for screaming in my neighbors window, to the point were they had the police at my house constantly. I had to wake my daughter out of bed at 1 am to prove she was not screaming in their window. It got so bad they started threatning and harrassing her. They also made threats to a police officer directed towards us. I had to file a harrassment complaint and we are now going to court. (I really think its an animal)!!!! But they refuse to believe that....they would rather believe a child who is actively involved in sports and away for competitions is waking up all hours of the night to go out in the pitch dark and scream in their window and go back home to bed...That's insane!!!!!!

[Roselvr]

How are you doing with this? Have things calmed down?

Originally Posted by bande1102

I have three boys (14, 11, and 9) and we live in a cul de sac with several other families who also have boys. All told there are about 6 other boys (ages 4-10) in addition to mine. There are also two older couples who live in the back of the cul-de-sac who don't have children. My sons are older and don't play with these kids and, to tell you the truth, I discourage them from playing with these kids because I don't want my boys being blamed for something these other boys do. These other boys already use profanity are unsupervised, are basically not being parented. Now my sons sure aren't perfect, but they're really turning out to be good, respectful young men. And I plan to keep it that way.

Lately, though, these couples in the back have been knocking on my door blaming my boys for stuff that's been going on in their yard. Small stuff, but still. For example, they came over one time and said my son had thrown a ball that had damaged a tree branch, implying I should replace the tree Or they claim that one of my sons has walked on the edge of their lawn.

At first, I was apologetic and blaming my boys. But then I realized my kids weren't even home when this stuff was happening. Also, they don't even go back there and could care less about these families. My boys are extremely busy with sports and friends and I've been watching them like a hawk. I have, however, seen several of the other little boys back there. SO I suspect these people might have a point. But the thing that gets me is that I see the neighbors watching these other kids from their windows and they don't do anything about it. They don't tell these kids to go, don't go to their parents (I know b/c I asked the other parents). It's like they feel compelled to come to me and I have no idea why.

Typically, the conversation goes something like this:

Neighbor: the boys have been on my grass

Me: No they haven't

Neighbor: actually, I saw your son on the edge of the grass this morning

Me: You're mistaken, He wasn't even home this morning (he'd been at a sleep over)

Neighbor: still, keep your kids off my grass

How do you deal with people like this? She is constantly at my door complaining about things that my kids didn't do. And she never goes to any of the other parents' doors. All of this started rather quickly when more kids moved in.

Also, these neighbors are getting worse as time goes by so I need to nip this in the bud, but I have no idea how to stop this. Any suggestions? I also can't figure out why they're targeting my kids. We've lived her for years and never had problems with them. Not close to them or anything, but never any animosity. We've never thought about these people one way or another.

[chielgirl]

Originally Posted by Softtail_Honey

Well, first I would tell them that they are being petty and anal about their grass. THEN I would tell you to keep your boys the heck away from there(your just asking for problems) and then don't allow their boys to your house.

Or better yet, get yourself a nice gallon size of roundup and dump it on their grass. lmao J/K Sheesh, kids are kids.

Excellent parenting suggestion.
Destroy someone else's property.
Yep, you're a good role model.

[crazyme4878]

Originally Posted by chielgirl

Excellent parenting suggestion.
Destroy someone else's property.
Yep, you're a good role model.

I really doubt she was being serious.

[bande1102]

Update: things are fine, thanks for asking. My boys don't go anywhere near her house at all. They also have broke away from the other boys--who happened to have destroyed this neighbor's sapling. Luckily the neighbor saw it and went to their parents and didn't involve me at all. It also helps that this neighbor's dog got out and my son caught him for her. Apparently she spread the word and now the other neighbors are back to being pleasant to my sons. They even wave hello to us so as far as I'm concerned everything is fine For now anyway. But I'm seriously looking to move within the next year or so. I just can't do cul-de-sac living anymore. I need some space. I want to actually walk out my front door without 20 pairs of eyes on me....but that's another post