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I'm not saying that your theory is wrong or your choices are wrong. I just find that people typically make judgements to compensate for something that they are doing. I have also worked in a daycare and with troubled children. Yes you are right, there are parents who leave their children from opening to closing. However, there are also parents who pay for fulltime child care yet they will work odd shifts so they can leave eraly to pick their kids up or have a weekday off with their child. My point is the number of parents who love their children and try to be with them as much as possible is much higher, in my experience, than the examples you have been providing.
However, your examples fail to discuss the parents that stay at home and let their children watch TV all day. Or they have multiple children and they make their older child watch the younger children all day.
This is not a sweeping generalization, as I know all SAH parents don't do that. However, I would argue that for every example that you can provide of the parent working too many hours, there is also a SAH parent who is "there" but not there.
My point is we should really stop letting society engage us in these "mommy wars". Instead of sitting back and being so judgemental why don't you offer to help those parents or that child. I'm sure you do a great job raising your children and they benefit from having you as a parent. However, do you think that if you stay at home and judge other people all day that your child is benefiting from that example?
I actually did help out a single mom last year by watching her daughter every Friday all afternoon-- for free. SHe was very welcomed into our home and we miss her greatly this year.
I don't have issues with people who need to work in order to make a living for their children. (LIke single moms-- I said that in my first post) I have issues with families who choose material things over being home with their kids. My original comment was posted in response to someone who felt the same way and I was agreeing.
I'm sure that there are "bad" stay at home parents as well as "bad" working parents, you are correct. My original comments were that if you sacrifice for the benefit of your children, families could most likely make it work on one income. People who are bending over backwards to make ends meet on one income are probaably doing so because thye think it is REALLY important to be home with their children. I am pretty sure that those families are not the ones letting their kids watch TV all day and using older children as baby-sitters.
I realize that you were not implying that that is what I personally do, but I still think that if families are trying THAT hard to make it work, they are not the families that you are describing.
While you find it judgemental, I do think it is my job to instill in my children family values. In our case that means that a child should be home with his mother. To me it is the same as any other moral or religious belief.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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As a former in-home daycare provider, I'd suggest parents start by reading state regs. If a daycare provider isn't even meeting state regs I think it's indicative of a bigger problem. Also ask about continuing education for family childcare providers.
As for unannounced visits--hmmm. I have mixed feelings about that. It was really hard on some of the kids if the parents showed up and then left again. Also, it interrupted my schedule--especially if the parents showed up at naptime. The bottom line is that there has to be an element of trust. If you don't feel comfortable, don't leave your kids.
There are other things that you can do to check on daycare providers. For example, count the number of diapers you send with baby and then how many are left when you pick baby up (to make sure baby is changed throughout the day). Or ask if the daycare provider keeps a folder on the kids. When I cared for infants/toddlers I had a folder on each one in which I documented their activities, feedings, moods, naps, etc. I also doc'd if the child fell down and scraped a knee or showed up with a bruise, for example. I did it more to cover me, but I would share it with parents if they asked.
As for unannounced visits--hmmm. I have mixed feelings about that. It was really hard on some of the kids if the parents showed up and then left again. Also, it interrupted my schedule--especially if the parents showed up at naptime. The bottom line is that there has to be an element of trust. If you don't feel comfortable, don't leave your kids.
In some states it is required that you allow it. Therefore, I don't have a choice. But that being said, I do tell parents that I STRONGLY advise against coming between 12-3 as that is the time we are winding down for quiet time and then getting up from quiet time. I also tell parents that they are welcome anytime but to remember that most children are routine oriented and don't understand timeframes. That means that they understand that mom/dad drops them off and when they return it is time for them to leave. There is very little chance that they will continue with their day without a HUGE meltdown once a parent shows up and then wants to leave again without taking their child.
That's not necessarily so, depending on the child's age and if they are used to that in their routine. Until my daughter was almost 2 I would visit her at daycare every day during my lunch break to nurse her. As she got to be almost 1 and would take a nap at that time, I took over putting her down for her nap and left after she was asleep, which left the teacher with one less kid to have to put to sleep (meaning less work for the teacher!). I liked that I spent time at daycare where I could spend some extra time with my daughter, but I also liked that I had the opportunity to observe how the teacher interacts with the kids on a regular basis. Being able to see this helped me to trust her with my child and to feel more comfortable leaving my daughter in her care. And it was not disruptive to my daughter's routine because it WAS the routine.
And it was not disruptive to my daughter's routine because it WAS the routine.
It definately depends on the age AND the temperment of the child. I have a 10 m/o right now who could care less if mom/dad came and went. But I have a 2 y/o that melts down EVERY SINGLE morning at drop off and he has been here for 9 months now. He is fine 5 minutes afer mom/dad leave but if they were to try and come back and then leave again, it definately wouldn't work. Every child is different.
Potstirrer, while I understand most of your post is your opinion and your perspective. I don't understand the above quote. How can you say something like that. I am truly speechless. You basically are in a sense playing God and saying that a certain group should have problems conceiving versus another group. WOW.
All I have to say that if you and any other person make yourself feel better by judging another group and putting down that group, then it is likely that you are trying to convince yourself that you are doing a good job.
No what I was saying that in my profession I have seen parents who care more about their job then they do their kids & basically dump their kids in day care as young as they are legally allowed to & left there from open to close. One center I worked for would bend the rules for certain people and accept babies as early as 3 weeks & yes we did get them & the same center trialled opening on Saturdays to see how much interest & business it would create & before the kids even got there for the first day you could pick which parents would shove their kids in from open until close even if they were not working. As I said I have even seen this happen with Single Parents & Non working parents.
What my comment referred to is these people don't deserve to have children due to their neglect & the fact that their kids carer is more of a parent then their biological parent. I said I find this a shame as there are people out there who desperately want children & have so much love to give but can't have them yet these selfish neglectful parents can pop them out & dump them as often as they please.
Maybe it is playing god but I don't think I am being judgmental by saying that people who don't deserve to have kids, due to the fact at the end of the day that child could disappear of the face of the earth & they wouldn't even notice or care they'd probably just think they left it with the carer, should be the ones that can't conceive instead of those who can't & desperately want a child & have so much love, care & compassion to give to that child & more often then not have difficulty adopting a child. I think it is unfair & those who don't give a **** about their kids & neglect them are most often to selfish to give that child up so it can be raised in a nurturing environment & instead the kids end up with severe mental health issues or dead. How is that being judgmental? It is saying that life is unfair for those people & kids & I find that a shame & extremely sad. If my playing god is judgmental then so be it but if I had my way there would be a lot less screwed up kids (who would have become screwed up adults), missing children (who are actually dead as a result of their parents hands) & a lower rate of fostering, adoption & abortions since there would be little need for that.
You are right. My comments come across as judgemental, but I find it a hard pill to swallow when parents leave their kids with child care workers for 8-12 hours a day and then come to sites like this to complain about it. That's how this thread started, right?
I worked in preschools and daycares for years and it would always irritate me that parents could dump their kids off all day long so both parents could work. Then they'd arrive late to pick up, grouchy and irritated at the kid who is tired and whiny and just wants to spend time with mom or dad who they haven't seen since the car ride in in the morning. Then it is fast food dinners in the car, since mom is too tired to cook and then it is bedtime and time to wake up and do it all again. I don't think that is any way for a kid to have to live.
I don't buy the theory that you need 2 incomes just to get by. You have the right to disagree with me, but my family is proof that it isn't true.
Do you have children? You mentioned that you worked for years. I suppose you never got off work tired and grouchy?? I doubt you worked just because you were bored with soap operas at home?? I dont know where you have been, be it coma or living in a hole, but the situation you described IS the new American lifestyle. Most of us dont work to earn speedboats and toys--we work for insurance and because everything is getting so expensive. Hate to break it to ya but "Leave It To Beaver"s mommy isn't staying at home, vaccuming in high heels anymore--she's waitressing at Dennys!
You are right. My comments come across as judgemental, but I find it a hard pill to swallow when parents leave their kids with child care workers for 8-12 hours a day and then come to sites like this to complain about it. That's how this thread started, right?
I worked in preschools and daycares for years and it would always irritate me that parents could dump their kids off all day long so both parents could work. Then they'd arrive late to pick up, grouchy and irritated at the kid who is tired and whiny and just wants to spend time with mom or dad who they haven't seen since the car ride in in the morning. Then it is fast food dinners in the car, since mom is too tired to cook and then it is bedtime and time to wake up and do it all again. I don't think that is any way for a kid to have to live.
I don't buy the theory that you need 2 incomes just to get by. You have the right to disagree with me, but my family is proof that it isn't true.
perhaps you are in the wrong profession. Your not paid to judge, your paid to do your job. Quit the b%%%%%%g and just do your job. Your not doing it for free are you?
perhaps you are in the wrong profession. Your not paid to judge, your paid to do your job. Quit the b%%%%%%g and just do your job. Your not doing it for free are you?
I am not in the profession anymore, my job is to be at home with my kids. The short time that I did still work at the school part-time while I had a child, my husband stayed home with her during that time. I can still have an opinion even though that was my chosen profession...
Oh, and did you miss the part in my last post where I mentioned that I DID watch a child in my home for free so her single-mom could work? I just feel that it is different when parents choose to work so they can have money for material things over being at home with their kids.
I am not in the profession anymore, my job is to be at home with my kids. The short time that I did still work at the school part-time while I had a child, my husband stayed home with her during that time. I can still have an opinion even though that was my chosen profession...
Oh, and did you miss the part in my last post where I mentioned that I DID watch a child in my home for free so her single-mom could work? I just feel that it is different when parents choose to work so they can have money for material things over being at home with their kids.
I have not met anybody who drops there kids off at daycare. But for you folks that watched those kids, Im sure you took the money anyway. Where where your ethics then.
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