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This is a subject my friends / co-workers and I almost never agree on.
They don't understand why my husband and I don't appoint every Fri or Sat night as "date night" alone. Or, why we never take weekend trips without the kids.
First of all, I don't want to pay for a babysitter.
Second, almost everything my husband and I do is child friendly. Even long before we had kids, we didn't do much of anything that was exclusively for adults with the exception of going to a Happy Hour once in a while.
My husband and I go waaayyy back...
I knew him when I was a freshman in highschool (1982) because his sister and I were best friends. We dated from 1987-1988, but went our separate ways for a few years because he went out of town to college. Then, when he returned to our hometown, we started dating again in 1991 and that's when our relationship solidified.
We moved away together in 1993, married in 1997 and had our first child in 2002 though we started trying for a baby in 1999.
So...we had eleven years to build on our relationship and do whatever we wanted before we had children. By the time our daughter was born, we were more than ready to be a family unit.
I can count on one hand how many times we've left our daughter(s) with someone so we could go out alone:
1) Daughter #1 with inlaws and we ran down the road to Chili's for 2 hrs to celebrate our anniversary
2) Daughter #1 with inlaws again ONLY because she could not go to the hospital with us when I was giving birth to daughter #2 - that doesn't really count though!!!
3) Both daughters with our former childcare lady and her husband one night while hub and I ran out for 3 hrs to celebrate another anniversary dinner
Now, I'm often told that's not good and my husband and I need to do date nights to keep our marriage strong. Okay, and this advice is coming from people who are divorced and/or remarried three times. No offense, but we're doing alright in the marital department.
Again, hub and I have been together for 17 years. Lack of date nights hasn't really created any problems for us. The kids are in bed by 8pm most nights and my husband and I don't usually go to bed until midnight, so we have a good four hours every evening alone.
Now, let's say I entered a contest for a trip for two to Hawaii and won...you better bet your bottom dollar hub and I would go alone.
HEY! Are you my wife? , Or did you just stole my story?
We have almost the exact story except that my wife and I actually move in together during the University years and we bought a house together before getting the married certificate, the only reason we need to get the certificate is because we wanted to have kids and we want to be able to teach our kids “that married before children” lesson in the future.
If we didn’t want any kids then we wouldn’t need a piece of paper to prove that we are committed to each other for live.
And yes we did try to go away without the kids for the weekend but end up driving home the same night because we couldn't do it, we misses the kids too much.
It depends upon the context. If you are saying that a more successful family comes from a parent centered home instead of a child centered home, then I agree. In other words, the parents call the shots, not the kids.
If you are saying that, once you have children you get to put your own wants/needs before that of your children. I say no.
I think the "children come first" refer to satifying the children need
for example: if a family dont have enough food then the parent will make sure the kids are feed.
Not
the kids want a Wii and dad want a new cell phone or mon want new shoes. in this case i think no one should get anything cause if you have to make a decission then obviously the family can't afford it,
I think the "children come first" refer to satifying the children need
for example: if a family dont have enough food then the parent will make sure the kids are feed.
Yeah, being a parent means always eating the broken egg.
If this is about single mom choosing her boyfriend over her children than absolutely NOT. If this is about neglecting the kids so you can have it easy as parents then no way.
I honestly think the most important job you will ever have is raising your children. And in order to do it correctly, you must wallk a fine line between making your kids think they are the most important thing in YOUR life, and not letting them assume the world reviolves around them.
It really is a balancing act but it can be done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nappyflavr
i don't think children should come first...why should they...you and your mate are first your relationship is the foundation...before kids come into any picture there is always two aldults..loving each other..or just nessin around..children come from us we dont come from them...even in the bible god made man first..and told them to multiply..he dident form children first..he formed man...then woman..and they chose to have kids...so children all children are a chose between two people...i would like to see my comments as facts..so you ask yourself who was really here first..children are to be raised to leave the home and take care of themselves..not to stay and take care of you..your mate is there for you...so love your kids..knowing that the purpose is for them to one day leave you..for their own life in the world..you should love your kids ..and remember your vow to your mate...feel free to comment
Like many HAVE said in this thread, it's all about balance. Of course parents need to make sure that the children are well loved and cared for. That includes making sure that they have everything that they need in life. However, one of the things that children absolutely need is a set of parents that love and respect each other and are emotionally balanced. In order for that to happen, than the parents also need to make sure they take the time needed to nurture their relationship. Children do NOT need to be the center of the universe, that will only promote them to be selfish and uncaring of others. They need to know that the needs of everyone in the family are important and that everyone cares for everyone else.
BALANCE!
Last edited by geekduo; 10-17-2008 at 12:37 PM..
Reason: typos
Geekduo,
I could not agree more. I think some parents lose themselves in raising children. I am all for a weekend away here and there. It is balance. I also think that the kids need time away too. It is good for them to be with family members and understand that other people in their life can care for them.
I just got back from a 2 day, 1 night trip away with my hubby. It was great. We had a wonderful "Adult" weekend, the kids had a blast with my parents, and we were all excited to see eachother and share our stories of the weekend.
I'm refreshed and happy to be home. Ready for the week to start.
My hubby and I love our little breaks. I wouldn't trade them for Gold. The kids really love the alone time they get with Grandma and Grandpa, too. I'm so lucky to have parents that are so involved with my kids and love having them stay for a weekend.
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