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Yes he does have a mentor, which seems to be working out nicely so far.
Hopefully my son will grow to trust him and begin to have meaningful talks with him-right now my son is pretty tight-lipped and will only talk to me about his personal matters. I guess he just needs to get comfortable with his mentor first.
Again, this is a great step - but you need to face the fact your son is in deep trouble. He has uncontrolled anger, lies, drinks, takes Xanax and worst of all, has a genetic predisposition to becoming an alcoholic - too many strikes against him for just a once a week counselor or mentor to really help him. I strongly urge you to do even more to get him the help he needs now - only you have the power right now to make sure he becomes a happy functioning adult or one who possibly ends up following his dad into prison one day.
Before you take that big step I'd research intensely into the schools and tour the school campus and interview people from there (that takes a lot of work and probing). If you get a weird or creepy feeling then do not send your kid there. I wouldn't want him to get worse because of incompetence or hypocrisy which happens to be rampant at institutions and in education systems.
Otherwise give your kid a chance to follow your rules and to be a good student. Change happens pretty slowly. Drug and alcohol use can mess up a kid as it does adults, so make sure he stays away from ALL drugs and alcohol and any friends that might be sharing drugs and alcohol with him. I think he is really depressed (clinically) and that is why he has misbehaved....get that depression taken care of first and foremost.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
PS - here is an example of the kind of place I am talking about - it is in Maine, but there is at least one school like this is almost every state.
Good Will-Hinckley
Clinical Services (http://www.gwh.org/html/clinicalservices.htm - broken link)
Before you take that big step I'd research intensely into the schools and tour the school campus and interview people from there. If you get a weird or creepy feeling then do not send your kid there. I wouldn't want him to get worse because of incompetence or hypocrisy which happens to be rampant at institutions and in education systems.
Otherwise give your kid a chance to follow your rules and to be a good student. Drug and alcohol use can mess up a kid as it does adults, so make sure he stays away from ALL drugs and alcohol. I think he is really depressed (clinically) and that is why he has misbehaved....get that depression taken care of first and foremost.
Agreed Since she suspects he might even be bipolar it is EXTREMELY important this be dealt with immediately.
It probably isn't bipolar. Bipolar is < than 1% of the population or around that low percentile range. You need a registered psychologist to diagnose that and you probably should get a second opinion; however, I wouldn't waste money on that unless his behavior just keeps getting more and more destructive.
Depression is more common in teens. If they have abused or used drugs and alcohol and have been through a trauma (sexual molestation) then it is most likely a depression. The misbehavior, drugs, alcohol, and lying are ways of coping with painful feelings and memories. To us adults it looks stupid, crazy or bipolar...but it is the parents, mentors and counselors job to teach and instruct the kid on how to cope with hurtful and stressful situations...as well as to teach the importance of self worth and self esteem (stay away from conservative churches they preach against self esteem and will probably make depression far worse)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Agreed Since she suspects he might even be bipolar it is EXTREMELY important this be dealt with immediately.
I have a 15-year old son who has me very worried lately, and I want to do what's best for him, but I don't know what's the best thing to do to help him.
When my son was around 7 or 8, a neighbor invited him into his house to watch football and ended up groping my son and exposing himself as well. Luckily, my son was able to run away (the man is handicapped and can barely walk). My son didn't tell us of the incident until a year later. We promptly notified the police, they arrested the man and charged him with numerous offenses. However, when he went to court, he was found incompetent to act in his own defense and all charges were dropped.(yes, really.) My son was always a happy, resilient kid who never seemed bothered by much, so we never sought counseling for him-we just moved on with our lives, angry as we were at the outcome. Meanwhile, this guy still lived in the neighborhood and we had to look at him, knowing what he got away with, for years. Fast-forward to June 2008: my son is 15. He's stressed from school, his parents divorced, his mom has remarried and had 3 more kids, hormonal changes gone amok, he's angry, withdrawn and bitter, mostly about this guy getting away with molesting him. So he gets hold of some liquor, drinks it down, goes over to pervert's house, walks in, and proceeds to terrorize him while smashing his house up with a rubber mallet. Cops get called; my son is arrested. Numerous charges applied. Goes to court; due to the court's understanding that this creep molested my son, my son receives probation and some fines. I bring my son home. Since then, he is very agitated, seems angry with me, has been caught drinking/taking Xanax/stealing/lying, tells me his life has sucked for the last 5 years, is getting crappy grades in school, and at times seems like a bomb getting ready to blow. Other times, he's happy and sweet and loving, like he used to be before all this mess. He's in counseling, but I'm afraid he needs more-much more. His Dad was a career-criminal alcoholic, and my worst nightmare is that my son will grow up to be just like him-in prison for half his life, and getting drunk the other half. I'm so afraid he'll have another outburst like he had in June...no one saw that coming, either. We were totally blindsided. I'm starting to wonder if he may be bipolar, as well.
My son means everything to me and I want him to have a happy, full life. Please help!
This is a very traumatizing event to have happen to any child let alone a young child, sheesh he was practically a baby. He was still at the stage where the world is real but magic is also real a very sensitive age. This hideous act stole his childhood as well as innocence in essence he had a taste of immorality and sexualized way before he should have an probably by a man he trusted making him lose trust in everyone.
I am so sorry your child had to go through this, this is a nighmare for any parent because pedophiles and their behavior give the unwanted gift that keeps on giving, mistrust, the feeling of being dirty, unworthy and so forth.
Some children develop some type of arrested development when they are sexually violated, this could be the case with your son. Your son was young when this occured and probably did not know how to handle or deal with this since he was too young to understand the jist and now that he is older and can understand the memories probably sicken him.
Counseling is the first step, have you found any support groups in your area? Call social services department and get names of organizations within your community.
As far as his alcohol and substance abuse? It does not take a genius to know that your son is self medicating, that for several moments or hours he is able to deal with reality without the thoughts of that day. If this persists I would consider a drug rehab.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexianPatriot
Tell him to quit being a punk. Sometimes bad things happen to undeserving people. That's just life. How you choose to move foward with it rests on his shoulders alone. You can be bitter about it the rest of your life or make peace with it, forgive that creepy bastard, and move on.
Quit being a punk? Shame on you for your insensitivity.
This was a baby, he was fondled and groped and some pedo exposed himself, probably a man he trusted.
Very seldom does shrugging it off ever do any good, it has been proven without professional and extensive therapy these children become unproductive adults where their socio-emotional health is concerned.
Bitter? How would you feel if a pedo stole your childhood and innocence in the event of several minutes? Are you going to feel whole?
I agree with Dr74. The kid needs strict guidance and structure plus some sympathy until he moves out of the house. Criticism probably will make matters worse, especially if he is clinically depressed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dr74
This is a very traumatizing event to have happen to any child let alone a young child, sheesh he was practically a baby. He was still at the stage where the world is real but magic is also real a very sensitive age. This hideous act stole his childhood as well as innocence in essence he had a taste of immorality and sexualized way before he should have an probably by a man he trusted making him lose trust in everyone.
I am so sorry your child had to go through this, this is a nighmare for any parent because pedophiles and their behavior give the unwanted gift that keeps on giving, mistrust, the feeling of being dirty, unworthy and so forth.
Some children develop some type of arrested development when they are sexually violated, this could be the case with your son. Your son was young when this occured and probably did not know how to handle or deal with this since he was too young to understand the jist and now that he is older and can understand the memories probably sicken him.
Counseling is the first step, have you found any support groups in your area? Call social services department and get names of organizations within your community.
As far as his alcohol and substance abuse? It does not take a genius to know that your son is self medicating, that for several moments or hours he is able to deal with reality without the thoughts of that day. If this persists I would consider a drug rehab.
Quit being a punk? Shame on you for your insensitivity.
This was a baby, he was fondled and groped and some pedo exposed himself, probably a man he trusted.
Very seldom does shrugging it off ever do any good, it has been proven without professional and extensive therapy these children become unproductive adults where their socio-emotional health is concerned.
Bitter? How would you feel if a pedo stole your childhood and innocence in the event of several minutes? Are you going to feel whole?
Is there something that makes him happy? Drawing/Painting, Music, Books? Focusing on what makes him feel empowered (i.e. being good at something) will help him cope with the negative things that happened to him. A creative outlet will help him channel his frustration about past events. He's probably pretty mad at men in general right now. It seems the ones in his life have let him down. Think about what you were like as a 15 year old. I know I had a roller coaster of emotions going through me at any given time and I had a pretty 'normal' upbringing. Your son is somewhere between being a boy and a man. He would benefit from being around good male role models.
This is a very traumatizing event to have happen to any child let alone a young child, sheesh he was practically a baby. He was still at the stage where the world is real but magic is also real a very sensitive age. This hideous act stole his childhood as well as innocence in essence he had a taste of immorality and sexualized way before he should have an probably by a man he trusted making him lose trust in everyone.
I am so sorry your child had to go through this, this is a nighmare for any parent because pedophiles and their behavior give the unwanted gift that keeps on giving, mistrust, the feeling of being dirty, unworthy and so forth.
Some children develop some type of arrested development when they are sexually violated, this could be the case with your son. Your son was young when this occured and probably did not know how to handle or deal with this since he was too young to understand the jist and now that he is older and can understand the memories probably sicken him.
Counseling is the first step, have you found any support groups in your area? Call social services department and get names of organizations within your community.
As far as his alcohol and substance abuse? It does not take a genius to know that your son is self medicating, that for several moments or hours he is able to deal with reality without the thoughts of that day. If this persists I would consider a drug rehab.
Quit being a punk? Shame on you for your insensitivity.
This was a baby, he was fondled and groped and some pedo exposed himself, probably a man he trusted.
Very seldom does shrugging it off ever do any good, it has been proven without professional and extensive therapy these children become unproductive adults where their socio-emotional health is concerned.
Bitter? How would you feel if a pedo stole your childhood and innocence in the event of several minutes? Are you going to feel whole?
I'm sorry. I guess it's old fashioned of me to think that stealing stuff, being angry all the time, and getting hopped up on drugs is punk like behavior. Like I said before, bad stuff happens to undeserving people sometimes. That's life. Justifying punk behavior because he was fondled by the neighborhood creep is BS. Tough love. Aint nothing you can do to change what has already happened. Put the stuff behind you and find it in your heart to forgive, or live out the rest of your days feeling sorry for yourself. Option two is a pitiful existence.
Again, easier said than done. Damage takes time and takes help from others in order for it to be repaired. Just look around at all the people who stuff their faces with food in order to deal with their emotions, look at all the people who drink and do drugs as adults, look at all the sex addicts that could care less about quality relationships.......human nature shows that you just don't say tough toe nails it's time to get over it and be happy again! It just doesn't happen that way.
Your mode of thinking really isn't old fashioned just cold and callous and narcissistic. People are not robots.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexianPatriot
I'm sorry. I guess it's old fashioned of me to think that stealing stuff, being angry all the time, and getting hopped up on drugs is punk like behavior. Like I said before, bad stuff happens to undeserving people sometimes. That's life. Justifying punk behavior because he was fondled by the neighborhood creep is BS. Tough love. Aint nothing you can do to change what has already happened. Put the stuff behind you and find it in your heart to forgive, or live out the rest of your days feeling sorry for yourself. Option two is a pitiful existence.
I'm sorry. I guess it's old fashioned of me to think that stealing stuff, being angry all the time, and getting hopped up on drugs is punk like behavior
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexianPatriot
. Like I said before, bad stuff happens to undeserving people sometimes. That's life. Justifying punk behavior because he was fondled by the neighborhood creep is BS. Tough love. Aint nothing you can do to change what has already happened. Put the stuff behind you and find it in your heart to forgive, or live out the rest of your days feeling sorry for yourself. Option two is a pitiful existence.
Obviously you are old school. These are residual behaviors the antecedent being the sexual abuse. And I fail to believe that you do not understand the concept of "Self Medicating" the behavior that occurs with individuals suffereing from undiagnosed mental disorders and sexual abuse.
And I am sorry "Bad stuff happens to undeserving people sometimes but chin up" type of approach speaks volumes as to how ignorant you are to the subject.
I.E.? Avery good friend of mine suffered at the hands of his drunk stepfather while his mother was at work (Since the bastard could not hold down a job) He would not go into it because he was embarrassed I asked him if penetration was involved and he stated "No but I had to do stuff" He was 5 years old and he was carefully instructed not to tell his mom or he would hurt her and the fact that his mother and this sicko had a 5 month old daughter at the time! My friend stated " I think my mom knew because they fought all the time and she told him to stay away from me" and she left him one yearlater"
He is in his mid 30's has been married 3 times, has no children and he states that he does not know why he cannot stay with one woman? He sabotages himself financially, doubts himself and is afraid of intimacy!
Look around you there are stories everywhere when it makes headlines but very little follow up is done to the adult version huh?
How can you state that these behaviors are out of the normal range considering what happened to the OP's son? He is angry, he had no control over what was done to him, he probably thinks it is fault somehow and why him? So he is attempting to control his environment the best way he can through negativity.
Here is a link, bone up on your skills and then maybe we can have a civil and informed exchange. Counseling Abused Children. Highlights: An ERIC/CAPS Digest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy
Again, easier said than done. Damage takes time and takes help from others in order for it to be repaired. Just look around at all the people who stuff their faces with food in order to deal with their emotions, look at all the people who drink and do drugs as adults, look at all the sex addicts that could care less about quality relationships.......human nature shows that you just don't say tough toe nails it's time to get over it and be happy again! It just doesn't happen that way.
Your mode of thinking really isn't old fashioned just cold and callous and narcissistic.
Really arts? This poster has no idea what he stumbled into.
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Since she suspects he might even be bipolar it is EXTREMELY important this be dealt with immediately.
