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ok, so I have two adult children. my son just turned 19 and my daughter is about to turn 21. My daughter has always been highly motivated to work and has been doing so for years now. She now works in a professional job and is ready to move onto something else for a change.
I have never had a problem getting her to work, etc..
Now, my son on the other hand needs constant motivation to work. He works part time and enjoys making money but seems to be under the impression that he can just get another part time job and live off of two part time jobs.
I would like to believe I've done a good job with them both, they were never in trouble with the law, no one got pregnant or got someone else pregnant, they both graduated high school with good grades and are both well liked by everyone. They are both good people. I don't know how to motivate my son to want to work and to take life more seriously.
They both live at home, daughter moved back after a move didn't work out for her and my son doesn't have his own car yet because to be honest we do okay but I as a single parent can't afford to outright buy him a car but I'm paying for him to be on my insurance and we share mine (he works nights), he has money saved and we are car shopping.
My problem isn't him living at home, no car etc as he does things around the house without me asking but it just seems like he doesn't take lifes responsibilities seriously and it drives me nuts! He bought himself a new phone, fine. But then in conversation he said something to the effect that he might be getting another one soon because he keeps dropping this one to which I replied that was a crappy attitude to have and that a new phone would cost more money - he replies that he has insurance and so what that's what insurance is for.
So, I said look we have insurance on that car so is it okay to banging it up just because we pay for it? These kinds of things come out of his mouth all the time. We have an opportunity coming up (new job) to move out of state and the kids aren't coming, they want to stay but I worry about my son because of his leisurely attitude which is very maddening to me. His father and I divorced many years ago and while he did "his part" and paid child support and he was active in their lives he too is a very unmotivated person and I'm the complete opposite. I've been working since I was about 14.
I'm just frustrated because I want him to do well in life but you can't these days without having major motivation to do so and I have tried all the motivational tools I know of and nothing seems to work.
Anyone experiencing this same thing or did experience it and have any words of wisdom to pass onto me?
I have 7 kids. THree our over 18 and on their own. My oldest is 27 she is motivated and does well. Now the next two are different. My 25 year is a girl and thank God she lives on her own. My son who is 22 lives with my oldest and he is very lazy. He acts like is wants to be 15. He has a job but just got another one because my daughter said take a second job or live in a box. Now the rest are 16 and younger. I have found in my sons a different way of looking at stuff. I 'm not sure if it is because of gender or just who they are.
Having raised two boys dont know about the girls , but my sons were never a problem getting a job or holding one so I guess from reading these I was lucky . My youngest I had to drive him to work untill he saved enough money to get a car and i had to co sign but that was okay cause I knew I had the money to pay for if he did not and it would be sold to re coup my loses just in case . Buy luckily never had that problem he paid off that car and got another one and paid for that one too in full . My oldest he always had a way to work and never expected me to drive him and that worked out fine too . I guess my being at work most of the time really paid off with these two cause they became self sufficient and had a work ethic . I believe kids today dont know how to be self sufficient or have a work ethic . I think it needs to be instilled in kids when they are young that if you want nice things you have to work for them . I never had that problem I guess I was lucky .
Are they in college? They should be. A high school diploma won't get either one very far. As far as your son, I'd say boot him out on his butt. If he has to make money to survive, he'll have more than a part time job. The alternative would be college. If he decides to go, I'd say you should let him remain at home or at least help him to pay to live in a dorm.
Are they in college? They should be. A high school diploma won't get either one very far.
LOL are you paying for it? Not to be a smarty pants but it's easier said than done. They graduated from school and my daughter has been working, so she decided to put her education on hold as her job is going well and has lots of room for advancement - she recently decided to pursue a teaching degree so she'll be looking into it.
My son did want to go to college and still does however when we filled out all of the financials and other they decided based on my income that they would only pay about $1500 per semester of the expensive tuition and we just have not looked any further into how to get help for this. I have encouraged them both and they are very aware that you need more than a high school diploma so I'm confident it will happen but the "when" is up in the air right now.
My son also changed his mind several times about what he wanted to do which exasperated my efforts to get him into something. him not having a car is also an issue... so as I said previously - easier said than done.
I told him to take a year off and work, save money, get a car have some savings and then pursue college later.
I have 7 kids. THree our over 18 and on their own. My oldest is 27 she is motivated and does well. Now the next two are different. My 25 year is a girl and thank God she lives on her own. My son who is 22 lives with my oldestand he is very lazy. He acts like is wants to be 15. He has a job but just got another one because my daughter said take a second job or live in a box.
Now you see, siblings aren't afraid to make a brother or sister stand on their own. She gave him two choices; second job, or live in a box. Sounds reasonable to me.
OP, take your cue from that very bright, strong, 27 year old.
LOL are you paying for it? Not to be a smarty pants but it's easier said than done. They graduated from school and my daughter has been working, so she decided to put her education on hold as her job is going well and has lots of room for advancement - she recently decided to pursue a teaching degree so she'll be looking into it.
My son did want to go to college and still does however when we filled out all of the financials and other they decided based on my income that they would only pay about $1500 per semester of the expensive tuition and we just have not looked any further into how to get help for this. I have encouraged them both and they are very aware that you need more than a high school diploma so I'm confident it will happen but the "when" is up in the air right now.
My son also changed his mind several times about what he wanted to do which exasperated my efforts to get him into something. him not having a car is also an issue... so as I said previously - easier said than done.
I told him to take a year off and work, save money, get a car have some savings and then pursue college later.
There's student loans, working while in school, and plenty of other options. There's also community colleges, trade schools, technical schools, etc.
I think you're being too easy on him. If he wants (or needs) to work instead of going to school, fine. But the only reason for a 19 year old to not have a full time job is if they are a student (unless they are severly disabled of course). A part time job is simply not enough.
There's student loans, working while in school, and plenty of other options. There's also community colleges, trade schools, technical schools, etc.
I think you're being too easy on him. If he wants (or needs) to work instead of going to school, fine. But the only reason for a 19 year old to not have a full time job is if they are a student (unless they are severly disabled of course). A part time job is simply not enough.
I agree and in the past yes I've been easy but the last couple of years especially leading up to graduation they both had expectations put on them and only one stuck wtih it. I do need to try some tough love. Hopefully ther car situation will be working out soon and then he needs to work full time for a bit.
I am also thinking along the lines that it's time for the son to move out on his own. Just because it may be more cost effective for him to live at home with mom doesn't mean it is the best thing for him. He may need the life experience of actually making it on his own and seeing first hand what it really takes to sustain a good standard of living in order to get motivated. Once he has to do it all for himself, hopefully he will realize he has the power to change his standard of living and it may come down to that.
I agree and in the past yes I've been easy but the last couple of years especially leading up to graduation they both had expectations put on them and only one stuck wtih it. I do need to try some tough love. Hopefully ther car situation will be working out soon and then he needs to work full time for a bit.
He needs a job not only to pay for a car or to pay for things he wants, but also because he needs to start paying rent to live with you or to live elsewhere. (If he DOES want to go to college and pays rent to live with YOU, you could always save it to use towards that)
If he is in school, it is a different situation. He gets to extend his adolescence a bit longer. Otherwise, he needs to be a full adult and pay his own way, including the bare necessities of life.
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