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The OP needs to go to her state's child support websited and finde a child support calculator that the state uses. They need to fill it out according to their state's rules. In my state if a parent isn't working, an income can be imouted upon them and they ues the bioparent's incomes only. If there are other biochildren (with either of the bioparents) The other parent's income is used ONLY to establish responsibility for the shared child.
Child support and visitation are two seperate issues. I doesn't matter if you have visitation once a week, once a month or once a year, child support isn't effected.
I am a biomom and a stepmom and a second wife. My DH has primary custody and I have sole custody. No person can live a lavish lifestyle on child support alone, unless you're one of those who share children with a millionaire. Children cost money.... there are no two ways about it.
If the biomom is going after you primarily for financial gain, then familiarize yourself with the rules and do not sign anything you don't agree to.
This poor little girl. She comes over with nothing, she has to share both bioparents with new families. No wonder she (may) try to manipulate the situation to get a little "extra" by saying mommy doesn't ever do this or she never takes me shopping ( beware of ever and never statements.... ) This child needs to be taken out of the middle of the adults' arguments.
How old is the daughter? When I was 12 I had to take care of my (half in blood fuill in heart)brother "all the time". This is part of being in a family with younger siblings. I complained to my daddy's wife about it. I remember once I said that I heard my momma and step dad saying something about my daddy's family. I do not remember if it was something I made up or if I did hear it ( I eavesdropped like crazy) I do remember the reaction and drama that came out of it. It felt good to be "special" and at the time I didn't realize the sneakiness or plain meaness of my actions... I just knew that they were listening to ME... they wanted ME to say it over and over... I was the golden child for a weekend. In the end, all it did was create hard feelings and even though my daddy never figured out how I miled it for all the attention I could get, I know what I did... and I felt shame, especially the next time I had to look my momma in the eye.
Yeah... kids being stuck in the middle of adult's arguments can give you exactly what you want.... validation on your feelings... but what does it do to help the child?
I dont think all ex-husbands are bad just the ones that use an excuse as she didnt let me see my kid for 6 years please - To me he's just a dead beat that only takes responsablity for what he has too meaning if the state was not obligating him to pay child support he wouldnt be doing that because just the same way she went to court to get the child support he could have gotten visitation rights and if she did not comply with a court Order she would be taken to court for that and it only takes once or twice for a judge to see someone in their court for not honoring the order before they are threw with the person.
It was not his fault and he is not a dead beat, if the military sends you overseas are you going to be worried about finding a child, no you are going to be worried about coming home safe. When we did look for her and we got close on her trail she moved and he did try to go back to court and they told him they could not do anything because he could not find her to serve her the papers and he was the one who started the court case from the beginning, and if he was such a dead beat, he would not have did that.
The OP needs to go to her state's child support websited and finde a child support calculator that the state uses. They need to fill it out according to their state's rules. In my state if a parent isn't working, an income can be imouted upon them and they ues the bioparent's incomes only. If there are other biochildren (with either of the bioparents) The other parent's income is used ONLY to establish responsibility for the shared child.
Child support and visitation are two seperate issues. I doesn't matter if you have visitation once a week, once a month or once a year, child support isn't effected.
I am a biomom and a stepmom and a second wife. My DH has primary custody and I have sole custody. No person can live a lavish lifestyle on child support alone, unless you're one of those who share children with a millionaire. Children cost money.... there are no two ways about it.
If the biomom is going after you primarily for financial gain, then familiarize yourself with the rules and do not sign anything you don't agree to.
This poor little girl. She comes over with nothing, she has to share both bioparents with new families. No wonder she (may) try to manipulate the situation to get a little "extra" by saying mommy doesn't ever do this or she never takes me shopping ( beware of ever and never statements.... ) This child needs to be taken out of the middle of the adults' arguments.
How old is the daughter? When I was 12 I had to take care of my (half in blood fuill in heart)brother "all the time". This is part of being in a family with younger siblings. I complained to my daddy's wife about it. I remember once I said that I heard my momma and step dad saying something about my daddy's family. I do not remember if it was something I made up or if I did hear it ( I eavesdropped like crazy) I do remember the reaction and drama that came out of it. It felt good to be "special" and at the time I didn't realize the sneakiness or plain meaness of my actions... I just knew that they were listening to ME... they wanted ME to say it over and over... I was the golden child for a weekend. In the end, all it did was create hard feelings and even though my daddy never figured out how I miled it for all the attention I could get, I know what I did... and I felt shame, especially the next time I had to look my momma in the eye.
Yeah... kids being stuck in the middle of adult's arguments can give you exactly what you want.... validation on your feelings... but what does it do to help the child?
She is 9, if she was older, yes I would understand her staying at home alone with her other siblings, but she is not old enough in my eyes and by ca state law. I do not buy her any and everything, the only reason that we took her shopping was becuase her mom sent her with nothing and I didn't want her to have to wear the same clothes and I wanted to have clothes, because I knew it was going to continue to happen.
My husband was trying to see here, but he could not locate her at the time and when he got close on her trail, she would move and then he got deployed so he had to stop looking.
$39.95 would've found her for him within minutes.
My SIL's dh tried this line on the family... part of his excuse why he hadn't seen the children from his first marriage in over 10 years... My SIL is wife/family #4. I didn't say this quietly either... as a child who was constantly blamed/punished for my dad not paying child support while my mom & stepdad did NOTHING to find him (took me one phone call when I was 20), I don't allow this kind of crap to go unchallenged in front of me.
I dated men with kids a couple of times. Came close to marrying one. After him, before I would go out on date #1, I would ask if he had kids. I have a wonderful husband now, and no ex-wife to deal with.
It's a major blessing.
My sister dealt with being the 2nd wife for 3 years before getting a divorce. She watched her daughter take 2nd place that entire time. Then she married another guy with 2 kids. Same tune, different station. On top of that, it was ALMOST funny to hear her go on about her ex's new wife & kids. ALMOST.
My husband was trying to see here, but he could not locate her at the time and when he got close on her trail, she would move and then he got deployed so he had to stop looking.
$39.95 would've found her for him within minutes.
My SIL's dh tried this line on the family... part of his excuse why he hadn't seen the children from his first marriage in over 10 years... My SIL is wife/family #4. I didn't say this quietly either... as a child who was constantly blamed/punished for my dad not paying child support while my mom & stepdad did NOTHING to find him (took me one phone call when I was 20), I don't allow this kind of crap to go unchallenged in front of me.
I dated men with kids a couple of times. Came close to marrying one. After him, before I would go out on date #1, I would ask if he had kids. I have a wonderful husband now, and no ex-wife to deal with.
It's a major blessing.
My sister dealt with being the 2nd wife for 3 years before getting a divorce. She watched her daughter take 2nd place that entire time. Then she married another guy with 2 kids. Same tune, different station. On top of that, it was ALMOST funny to hear her go on about her ex's new wife & kids. ALMOST.
Yeah we tried that and it does not always work. We got a lot of different addresses and she was not living at non of the address, just getting mail at each one of them. When we had the money, and he came back from overseas,we hired a PI and a lawyer, come to find out she was living with her husband/boyfriend and everything was in his name so that $39.95 does not always work.
Yeah we tried that and it does not always work. We got a lot of different addresses and she was not living at non of the address, just getting mail at each one of them. When we had the money, and he came back from overseas,we hired a PI and a lawyer, come to find out she was living with her husband/boyfriend and everything was in his name so that $39.95 does not always work.
If he was providing child support and insurance....*someone* had to know where to send the check and/or insurance cards.
If he was providing child support and insurance....*someone* had to know where to send the check and/or insurance cards.
That be true, but not always will that *someone* be helpful and tell you where the person is at. At least the state of Missouri won't. Even if you haven't seen your own children who you have joint custody of. If the spouse with physical custody goes into hiding sometimes you are just **** outta luck.
In some cases you do have to wonder where the money is going. My mother has paid child support to my father for years. While he is content with the amount he is getting paid, he lives for the two weekends a month that they are out of his hair. They leave with dirty clothes, unkempt hair, smelly from not bathing often enough and from the cigarette smoke. He buys lives "conservatively" in his menue choices, no fresh veggies or much fruit beyond apples. My mother, understandably upset but not much better, is always complaining about it. She is upset that she has to keep on school supplies, clothes, ect for them. You could make snide remarks sure. But when you find out that they child support payments are being saved for the day the last boy turns 18 so that he can buy a travel trailer and truck to leave the state to travel the country and get away from all the kids he claims hate him, then maybe you’d have a different perspective.
If the children are showing up not being taken care of, it’s a red flag, period. It doesn’t cost a terribly large amount to bath children or wash their clothes. Yet if you talked to my mail lady, she'd probably say the same about my kids as she sees them when they are dirty playing outside, or me before I'm out of my pjs.
Another red flag is a kid who is always asking for stuff after a period of not seeing a parent, 6 years is a long time! By looking at the mother’s behavior of trying to get more, it is quite possible she is teaching her to do the same. But that is not always true because some kids just ask for stuff all the time if they haven’t been taught not to.
My head is swimming, I think I would just move along....man how can you all keep up with the score?
That is one of the biggest issues with children from divorced parents. The adults are always trying to "keep score". A child torn in two by parents who turn the child into a pawn in a game of
I am a better parent than you or
I will destroy you or
S/he loves ME more or
How dare you make me pay for X when I aready pay for Y or
whatever insecurity game that makes them feel better or vindicated in their own minds.
I am speaking as a child whose parents are divorced and as a parent to three... one I gave birth to, the other two came into my life with my husband. Our youngest (his aged 8) is having anxieties and depression spells due to the back and forth between houses and some adult pressures being put upon her. We have been taking her to a councelor. We may not like some of the things that her mother does, but there is absolutely nothing we can do to change her. What we CAN do is make sure the little ones have the confidence, strength, and assurance of a stable household. If that means we pay for all activities/doctors/dentist/field trips/clothes/shoes/etc so be it!!! Our job isn't to compete with the other household, our job is to be the best parents we can be. We are the custodial home of mine and DH's kids. For the oldes, he takes clothes for his visits.... for the youngest two, their mom has clothes at her home for them. There is not cut and dry answer.
Sorry.... I'll get off my soapbox now. I just have seen what dragging the kids into the middle of the parent's issues can do.... then the parents asking what went wrong when the child behaves in a destructive/detramental/life ending way.
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