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I'm a working mom and I need some advice on how to deal with a neighbor who has a problem with this.
First, some background. I have two children, ages 8 and 10. I stopped working for two years when my youngest was born. Than I slowly eased back into the workforce by working part-time until they were both in school. Now I work full-time. My children are in after-school care for about two hours a day until my husband or I pick them up.
I enjoy my work and it really helps to have two incomes. During the years I was unemployed we struggled to pay our bills and often had to rely on credit cards for any unexpected expenses, which was very stressful.
Anyway, I live next door to a couple with two children around my kids' ages. The wife has a high-level job; the man is a stay-at-home dad. They believe that one parent should be at home until the children graduate from high school.
The wife is always friendly towards me, but the husband often makes negative comments about working moms when I run into him around the neighborhood or at sports practices. Last weekend, he said, "I decided to stay home with my kids because I want to raise them rather than having someone else raise them."
I didn't know how to respond so I said nothing. I can't avoid this man because our paths cross constantly. Does anyone have any ideas on how to respond when he makes digs about working moms? The situation is becoming quite stressful.
Thanks!
well, I agree with the standpoint that mothers should stay home with the children-- however, this is your family, so whatever decisions you and your husband came to yourselves shouldn't be up for other people's "opinions on the matter"-- nor should you have to be in the position of putting your time, effort, & frustration into "explaining" it to other people.
with that in mind, perhaps you could politely but firmly use a handy line I recall from my parents' generation: simply tell them "It's not up for discussion."
A comment like his sounds like he's trying to pick a fight. What kind of person says this just to say it? He's looking to be confrontational. First, I would ignore him. If he keeps saying those types of things around me or to me, I would reply "good for you. Live and let live is our family's motto". If he persisted, then I'd have a good verbal thrashing prepared and at the ready. By that time, I'd be very eager to put him in his place.
It doesn't, and that's not what I was getting at. This man in particular sounds insecure about the choice he's made, and he's criticizing other people to boost his own ego. I don't care who stays home, just feel good about it and about yourself and don't rag on other people about what THEY choose to do.
If the guy wants to be a jerk, he doesn't really deserve any respect back.
You're right and I wasn't trying to sound defensive btw, sorry about that. Came across wrong in text.
But you're right. Maybe in 40-50 years our society won't be as uptight about gender roles.
Actually I'm suprised she runs into her neighbor that much. I rarely see my neighbors as they are all at work and tend to stay indoors once they are home. I only see them briefly when they are going to/from work. The other adults I see tend to be people that worked the nightshift or other SAHPs who don't talk to ya unless your a female pushing a baby stroller. Aw well.
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Gatitosmommy:
"...well, I agree with the standpoint that mothers should stay home with the children..."
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Gatitosmommy:
"...well, I agree with the standpoint that mothers should stay home with the children..."
or Fathers even
yep, there are plenty of young Dads who are perfectly capable of fulfilling that role, & some may be even more suited to hands-on childcare than the mothers...
in such instances, I'd say "if it works for you (& your family), that's great!!"
That neighbor sounds a teeny-weeny bit envious that you're working and he's not. Perhaps he thinks his wife should stay at home and HE should be the one working and he's taking it out on you because he's afraid of confronting his wife.
That neighbor sounds a teeny-weeny bit envious that you're working and he's not. Perhaps he thinks his wife should stay at home and HE should be the one working and he's taking it out on you because he's afraid of confronting his wife.
Confronting her may well be pointless if she earns a lot more than he could at his old job (as in my case). Maybe he's not as much jealous as bored, now THAT I can relate to. Maybe what he really needs is a hobby or something else to keep his mind occupied.
Personally I think he's just bored. Why else bother saying anything to the OP other than to start something and give himself something to do?
I'd be tempted to say something along the lines of...oh, wow does that mean you guys never go out and leave them with anyone else and you are thinking of homeschooling them soon too?? said with a sweet/innocent grin.
If it's that important to be home with your kids, then you shouldn't be sending them off to public schools for them to raise you rkids you know......<tic>
You could simply ask for clarification. If he says it again, look him right in the eye and say "what exactly do you mean?" Chances are, he will be shocked that you confronted him.
I believe that it is a balance thing. You have to decide how much time you spend with your kids and how much time you spend earning money.
Personally and respectfully, I think that one of you should be home as much as possible. Having said that, it is your decision and it is not polite for others to criticise you especially more than once which is what I hear you say he did.
Personally I am not infavour of after school care. Thats me. I am not forcing it on you but stating my opinion so that you hear a range of views in response to your posting. I also think that the money thing, while important, is a priority thing. There are often ways of economising or for example changing working hours. For example, I go to work very early so I can (most days) get home at around the time the kids get home. Obviously this can not be done in all businesses. I do know several parents who only work 9-2ish so that they can be home when the kids are home.
I am also not wanting to discount the "I like my work" bit. That too is important as it makes you feel valued.
I think though that as a society, we have lost the value associated with parenting. Down here in Oz, the Government gives money to childcare companies to apparantly make childcare more affordable. The flip side is that parenting is seen as a comodity rather than a highly valued skill or activity.
You could simply ask for clarification. If he says it again, look him right in the eye and say "what exactly do you mean?" Chances are, he will be shocked that you confronted him.
If you can't just ignore the comments, this is the best answer so far. You don't need to justify your choice to him or anyone and it's probably a bad idea to comment on his family choices. That's just stooping to his level. If he need to be put in his place, I would do the above, with a smile on your face. That will most likely be the last you'll hear of it.
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