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My mom hasn't gone that far, but she did have a tendency to bad-mouth my husband to me (when he was not around). I kept silent for a while, but it was causing a lot of anger build-up. I finally stopped it. I told her, "When you insult my husband, you insult me. You don't have to like him, but keep it to yourself." It worked.
Really if I were your wife I'd ask the person who addresses the items point blank, "Why do you use my maiden name instead of my married name?"
My husbands parent's never did "like" me and did some things in the beginning of our relationship that did hurt things then but they are mean and manipulative people and I suspect are a contributing factor in one of their children and spouse splitting some years ago.
well my second husbands family was very much like this , He was irish and he decided to marry an italian girl (Me) . His mother acted like she was going to have a coronary . The first place she did not like me cause I was married before and italian which in her opinion was two strikes against me . He was a police officer and she said he had so many choices he met so many nice women . well when he passed in the line of duty she made sure that she and I had co-ordinating days to visit the cemetery . well it got to be too much I moved away and have cut all ties to them and it has been twenty years and she still blames me cause I talk to my sister in law from that marriage and she tells them all that I killed him . I say to the OP it is your in laws problem not yours and they might never get over this abuse and behavior and that is what it is . Yes they are manipulative and your husband lets them be that way he needs to correct it they are his parents !!! I wish you luck I know it is hard .
I'll one up you Mr. Mom. My mother-in-law is narcisistic and my father-in-law has no backbone/spine to put the MOL in her place when she's rude or disrespectful of others including us. They are incredibly disrespectful of us and come and go from our home whenever they feel like it. They insisted on getting a key to our home even though they live 300 miles away. I'm at my wits end with them and so is my wife. No amount of "coming to god" talk does any good because they're not capable of either understanding or dont seem to be capable of listening and absorbing.
I'll one up you Mr. Mom. My mother-in-law is narcisistic and my father-in-law has no backbone/spine to put the MOL in her place when she's rude or disrespectful of others including us. They are incredibly disrespectful of us and come and go from our home whenever they feel like it. They insisted on getting a key to our home even though they live 300 miles away. I'm at my wits end with them and so is my wife. No amount of "coming to god" talk does any good because they're not capable of either understanding or dont seem to be capable of listening and absorbing.
they live 300 miles away and just show up whenever???? Time to change the locks!
My in-laws never had a key, but they did used to show up almost unannounced. They lived an hour away, would drive past our town to shop, then drive back through and call a mile from our house to say they were coming over. They could have called any time in the previous 4-5 hours, and they wait until they are 5 minutes from our door!
Hey rbk0305, they've done that too. I always think of the fact that total strangers would show us more respect than my in-laws have ever done. I'm one to wear my emotions on my sleeve and I have SO MUCH disdain for them.
they live 300 miles away and just show up whenever???? Time to change the locks!
My in-laws never had a key, but they did used to show up almost unannounced. They lived an hour away, would drive past our town to shop, then drive back through and call a mile from our house to say they were coming over. They could have called any time in the previous 4-5 hours, and they wait until they are 5 minutes from our door!
This reminds me of my grandmother. When we lived near my relatives, my grandmother would do things like this. She was so nosey!!! She'd come over when she thought no one was home and use her key and go through our cabinets and things. We knew it was her because she has a "smell" about her (not a bad one... but it just smells like her...) and things would be rearranged, and later she'd sometimes let things slip... like asking why we had condoms when my husband had a vasectomey (how on earth would she know we have condoms if she hadn't been snooping?) Anyway... Once I was home alone, the kids and their dad were out, and I had all the lights off and was trying to rest because I wasn't feeling good. We didn't have any cars there that night because my car was in the shop and my husband obviously had his... anyway... so Grandma comes sneaking in, thinking no one is home.... I'm freaking out, thinking someone has broken in!! She's just lucky I figured out it was her before I called the cops or whacked over the head with the cast iron skillet. Her excuse was that she was just checking in on us. Snoopy, nosey, old bitty! We never gave her another key, and we were really excited when the opportunity came along to move 1800 miles away from my crazy, snoopy, relatives...
I agree with other posters here. OP's wife could say something about the way he's being treated. My MIL was very aggressive from the beginning and she even started talking trash about us, so DH ask her to stop, she refused and he didn't visit his family for a year. The second time, he didn't visit for another several months, but in the end she realized she had to stop. We never became friends of course but at least the situation was more "civilized".
When we moved together, another fight because she used to appear unannounced and even demanded a key. She said she has to "take care of her son". The only solution was leave her standing for half an hour knocking the door every time until she understood she couldn't just arrive there just like that.
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