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The sister may not realize the pressure and annoyance she is putting on the OP. To her, it may not be a big deal to make a separate meal for her son. They may not have 'family dinners'. My husband does not get home from work until after 7. My kids are hungry at 5, so that is when I feed them. I eat with my husband when he gets home. So different meals are being made, not big deal.
The OP needs to explain to her sister her annoyance. If there are issues, they can discuss it. If the boy doesn't know any better, than it needs to be discussed. My SIL is wonderful, she keeps her pantry stocked with food for my son because she knows he has food issues.
She is also the type of person that caters to each child that visits and will make them a separate meal when asked. I would never do this as I do not have the patience she does (she is truly amazing) My daughter is jealous of the attention my son gets, so started doing this when she would visit my SIL. It didn't bother my SIL in the least, but I didn't want the negative behavior re-enforced and told my daughter she had to eat what evryone else did period. She hasn't done it since.
Communication is key, otherwise it can turn into something crazy insane like this thread.
Last edited by mrstewart; 01-13-2010 at 02:15 PM..
For those of you who think a child should eat whatever is put in front of him/her:
How do you handle adult food preferences in your home? Do you fix Grandpa fish, and expect him to eat it, even though he can't stand it? Do you expect Grandma to eat chewy foods that her dentures just won't bite through anymore? Do you expect your neighbor to gulp down your delicious deviled eggs even though he/she is allergic to eggs? Or your husband or wife to scarf down food that they know darned well will give them bad indigestion later?
If an adult passes on the casserole you made do you demand to know Why (!). Do you expect full disclosure of a grown up's health conditions/food preferences/physical limitations simply because you've prepared them a meal?
Nobody is trying to teach an old dog new tricks, we are talking about developing and establishing healthy eating patterns in children.
I just know this - I will not cook anything special for a picky kid at my house. And no kid of mine will get special meals cooked for them either.
And people in this thread need to stop trying to make the issue about them if they have a hypersensitivity to the subject.
I don't think I've seen one person say that the OP is obligated to cook special meals for her nephew. The OP is the one who said she "had" to make her nephew something special because all he would eat at her house is hamburger and fries. Most people seem to agree that she doesn't "have" to do anything of the sort. It was rude for her sister and nephew to whine and complain about it when she chose not to do so.
Some of the posters think it's appropriate for the child to eat whats served that night or go hungry at the table while the rest of the family eats - this will help to teach him healthy eating patterns. I suppose that's one way to handle it.
But there are other approaches as well-
If I invited a picky eater like that to my home for dinner, I wouldn't prepare the meal around him but I would try to have something on the table for him that would at least tide him over until he got back to his house. I would also encourage him to try something else on the table - his choice. But I would not make a big deal about it. And I would not make it a point of contention at the dinner table - that often backfires in the long run. Just my opinion. Plus, it isn't my kid.
If you don't want to deal with it all, you could just have sis bring a plate over to heat up in the microwave. Again, no big deal.
The one approach I would not take is calling the kid a "brat", and treating him like a "brat" for being picky. That involves making a whole lot of assumptions (about both child and parent) that may not even be close to accurate. Plus, it isn't my kid.
I have 6 kids- five of them still in the house. I try to prepare meals that most of the kids will enjoy. If they don't like something, they are not required to eat it. Example, my 13 yo son doesn't like spinach. No big deal to me. He eats the other parts of the meal. Sometimes the kids miss the protein item or the side dishes. I give them multi-vitamins and hope it is all balancing out. I only prepare something different if we have baked fish. I throw some chicken nuggets in the oven for the 4 kids who don't eat baked fish.
This is going to be very hard on your nephew. I mean, I would LOVE to eat burgers and fries every day.
I have to wonder about your sister. I would feel terrible if my sister went out of her way for my child in this manner. You must talk to her again, before they come over. Ask if she would like to bring him something or tell her you will do the following:
Offer him the meal or parts of the meal you prepared for the others. If he refuses, tell him "OK, Maybe you will like what I prepare next time." And be cheerful and upbeat. Suggest he make himself a bowl of cereal or a PB&J sandwich. If he says no, let him know "it's your choice, but it's a long time until breakfast and there won't be snacks later if you choose not to eat."
For those of you who think a child should eat whatever is put in front of him/her:
How do you handle adult food preferences in your home? Do you fix Grandpa fish, and expect him to eat it, even though he can't stand it? Do you expect Grandma to eat chewy foods that her dentures just won't bite through anymore? Do you expect your neighbor to gulp down your delicious deviled eggs even though he/she is allergic to eggs? Or your husband or wife to scarf down food that they know darned well will give them bad indigestion later?
If an adult passes on the casserole you made do you demand to know Why (!). Do you expect full disclosure of a grown up's health conditions/food preferences/physical limitations simply because you've prepared them a meal?
Rule in my house you don't have to eat what I cook if you don't like it. There's always peanut butter. If you don't want or don't like or can't eat it, I'm sorry you'll have to eat elsewhere.
If I know somebody is allergic to something, or just plain won't eat it, I will try to fix something we all will eat. But if somebody just happens to be there when it's meal time, eat it or peanut butter, or wait till you leave. I'm not a short order cook.
ETA: I don't ask why. And I would expect if somebody has a sever allergy like seafood or peanuts, I would be told well in andvance.
The sister may not realize the pressure and annoyance she is putting on the OP.
[snipped]
The OP needs to explain to her sister her annoyance. If there are issues, they can discuss it.
[snipped]
Communication is key, otherwise it can turn into something crazy insane like this thread.
The OP wrote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissL32
I have spoken to his Mom about it and she gets very annoyed and on one occasion, got in her car with my nephew and drove home because I brought it up.
It appears she tried to communicate but the sister acted like an immature child.
Rule in my house you don't have to eat what I cook if you don't like it. There's always peanut butter. If you don't want or don't like or can't eat it, I'm sorry you'll have to eat elsewhere.
If I know somebody is allergic to something, or just plain won't eat it, I will try to fix something we all will eat. But if somebody just happens to be there when it's meal time, eat it or peanut butter, or wait till you leave. I'm not a short order cook.
ETA: I don't ask why. And I would expect if somebody has a sever allergy like seafood or peanuts, I would be told well in andvance.
Sounds like a sensible approach to me.
The one thing I might suggest is to make your back up food something other than peanut butter, especially if you'll be offering it to young kids - it often takes repeated exposure to peanuts before a child has an allergic reaction.
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I would feel terrible if my sister went out of her way for my child in this manner. You must talk to her again, before they come over. Ask if she would like to bring him something or tell her you will do the following:
