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Wyo has hit on something that should be considered. I did a lot of research on the subject of girls needing their fathers for a psychology class while pursuing my bachelors (not to be confused with a PhD) in education.
All girls need positive relationships with men in their lives or they seek out boys and/or men to fill that void. The lack of positive male attention causes girls to look for ANY kind of attention from boys and/or men and they mistake the physical aspect of sex with the caring they are looking for from a male.
I've said, repeatedly, and, obviously, not been heard that her father is in her life. I'm not a single mom and he's not a deadbeat dad. He gets the kids off to school every morning and is home every evening. I help with math and science homework and he helps with english and history. He cooks and the girls and I clean. Admittedly, he doesn't do a lot of activities with the girls besides chores but he's around and a positive influence in their lives.
Well, I hope this doesn't offend you, but clearly this one paragraph speaks volumes to me about your relationship with your daughter.
If your daughter is telling the truth, it is terrible that you have such trust issues that you won't even believe her.
If she is lying, it is terrible too, she won't even have enough respect and trust IN YOU to tell you the truth.
Both situations seem sucky to me.
Ugh. She's s teenager who doesn't want to get caught doing something she shouldn't have. Denial is normal and not an indication of trust issues in our relationship. What it indicates is she knows she shoudln't have done what she did and doesn't want the world to know she did it.
Children don't lie becuase they don't trust their parents. They lie because they don't want to get caught.
The last one isn't impossible. It happened to me. Not sure how I can explain it on the internet so I won't go into details He was a football player for WVU and I was in high school. I thought we had sex, but a few years later, I really had sex and realized that he was a virgin who didn't know how to have sex. For a few years, I thought I had lost my virginity but I truly hadn't. That said, I would have lost my virginity if he had known what he was doing.
I'd like to believe the former but this is not something that would impress the two girls she told. Both of them had a YUCK reaction.
She knows what goes where so I'm pretty sure she'd know if she had had sex. We've had lots of talks about sex. My doctor tells a story about a girl who got pregnant because she didn't know what sex was. She thought they were just making out. I made sure my girls know what sex is.
I've said, repeatedly, and, obviously, not been heard that her father is in her life. I'm not a single mom and he's not a deadbeat dad. He gets the kids off to school every morning and is home every evening. I help with math and science homework and he helps with english and history. He cooks and the girls and I clean. Admittedly, he doesn't do a lot of activities with the girls besides chores but he's around and a positive influence in their lives.
That's great. Then that is likely not the problem.
She knows what goes where so I'm pretty sure she'd know if she had had sex. We've had lots of talks about sex. My doctor tells a story about a girl who got pregnant because she didn't know what sex was. She thought they were just making out. I made sure my girls know what sex is.
Your example of the doctor's story is the opposite. It's a child who didn't know anything. I definitely knew what sex was. My mother was a nurse and she made certain. Let's just say that I didn't know if it was in there since I'd never had anything in there. He's saying "tell me when it's in" and I'm like "I think it's in." Well it wasn't until a few years later that I knew what it was supposed to feel like. No child would KNOW what it felt like without FEELING it and actually doing it. So PLEASE quit acting like I was some stupid kid, like my mother didn't educate me. The only way you could prepare your children for KNOWING what it FELT like would be illegal.
Ugh. She's s teenager who doesn't want to get caught doing something she shouldn't have. Denial is normal and not an indication of trust issues in our relationship. What it indicates is she knows she shoudln't have done what she did and doesn't want the world to know she did it.
Children don't lie becuase they don't trust their parents. They lie because they don't want to get caught.
Well, I'm sorry if you think that lieing to your mother about something like this is normal and part of a mother/daughter relationship.
It's not about "the world knowing she did it", it's about you not knowing it. One thing is not to say and discuss this with your mother, but when a mother asks straight up and she lies to your face - this is not normal or healthy by any means.
Ugh. She's s teenager who doesn't want to get caught doing something she shouldn't have. Denial is normal and not an indication of trust issues in our relationship. What it indicates is she knows she shoudln't have done what she did and doesn't want the world to know she did it.
Children don't lie becuase they don't trust their parents. They lie because they don't want to get caught.
Kids will lie about sex especially because they know it's something their parents will be angry or disappointed about. My then-teenaged sister hid her pregnancy for as long as she could and when my mother began to suspect she was pregnant and asked her, she still tried to deny it.
Another sister worked in the ER for years and saw a number of girls brought in by their parents with severe abdominal pains. They were in labor and still denying that they had had sex.
I wouldn't expect a 14-year-old who is having sex to pipe up and say, "Yup, Mom, that's what I'm doing. What's for dinner?"
Kids will lie about sex especially because they know it's something their parents will be angry or disappointed about. My then-teenaged sister hid her pregnancy for as long as she could and when my mother began to suspect she was pregnant and asked her, she still tried to deny it.
Another sister worked in the ER for years and saw a number of girls brought in by their parents with severe abdominal pains. They were in labor and still denying that they had had sex.
I wouldn't expect a 14-year-old who is having sex to pipe up and say, "Yup, Mom, that's what I'm doing. What's for dinner?"
I disagree. Although teens do lie, it's a sign of unhealthy relationship. I grew up as boy-crazed teenage girl and so as my best friend. We had no problem communicating with our mothers. Perhaps that's why we didn't end up pregnant somewhere and both are successfully married. This kind of communication is CRUCIAL when you are a teen. If you lie and hide things like that, it can potentially turn into a disaster, just like it did for your then-teenaged sister.
I disagree. Although teens do lie, it's a sign of unhealthy relationship. I grew up as boy-crazed teenage girl and so as my best friend. We had no problem communicating with our mothers. Perhaps that's why we didn't end up pregnant somewhere and both are successfully married. This kind of communication is CRUCIAL when you are a teen. If you lie and hide things like that, it can potentially turn into a disaster, just like it did for your then-teenaged sister.
We didn't lie to our parents either. They raised us to tell the truth by giving us harsher punishments if we lied. If we told the truth, we often weren't punished but instead received guidance. As a result, we were always honest. When we became teenagers, telling the truth opened up the communication for our parents to help us make better decisions. My siblings and I raised our children the same way. They didn't lie to us either.
There is no way I'd present a pregnancy as workable with a college education to my daugther. I find it laughable that anyone suggested this. I'll tell her about how difficult it would be to finish school with a baby. In her case, impossible as she couldn't do a PhD with a baby at home while working to support herself and the baby. She'd be lucky to get in three or four college classes per year and she would lose the college experience. I want her to want to avoid pregnancy not think we can work around it if it happens. We won't. She will have a child to raise and that will put a, serious, crimp in her ability to attend school. Hopefully, if the unthinkable does happen, she'll have the sense to put the baby up for adoption. A teen mom keeping a baby is about the most selfish thing I can think of. The child pays in the long run for a mistake made by his parents.
Seriously, do you think that would work? Telling her it would be impossible for her to become a vet if she were to get pregnant? Do you think that would dissuade her from having sex? I doubt it. Kids that age don't think about the getting pregnant part. They all think they are immune to things like that. ''Other' kids get pregnant, not me.' It would not be impossible, just harder.
Three or four college classes per year?? She could go 3/4 time and work hard. It's do-able. That's about 18 credit hours a school year.
A teen mom keeping a baby is NOT about the most selfish thing. Being a bad parent is, and bad parenting can happen no matter how old a parent is.
There is no way I am minimizing her having sex and the potential of getting pregnant. I think there are ways to get her on track without scaring the crap out of her and threatening her with the demise of her future.
I'm not understanding why you continue to go on about quitting your job and depleting your daughters' education funds to keep her from having sex. You do know that won't make any difference, yet you still bring it up. What is your point? What is the purpose of it?
You have a daughter who, for some reason is having sex with her boyfriend. It isn't the end of the world.
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