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Is this not what entitlement means? He thinks he should have it just because others get it. This is a start (if it hasn't already) to him feeling entiltled to the senior prom, a big graduation gift, college tuition and spending money, a big wedding, a down payment on a home..... the list goes on and on.
I have to agree with NoExcuses on this one, while its great to teach kids financial responsibilities, I see no reason why an adult would have to discuss their financial decisions with them. I don't have a teenager, but when I do, I'm sure they will think it much more important to set money aside for their limo to the prom than to my 401K, tithing, medical expenses, kid's college education, savings, emergency funds, or any of those other "irrelevant" things adults find so important. Heck, I'm sure they would find enough $ "wasted" that should be used for a month abroad and a new car . I can't imagine why an adult would need the input of an adolescent on how to spend their money, regardless of whether its pouring in or trickling in.
To the OP.... I would certainly make him pay you back for anything that you feel is not within your means right now, even if it is every penny. If you cannot afford it right now, lending him the money for him to pay you back is an excellent solution.
I grew up in an affluent community with kids that were given everything, and I had to work for anything I wanted, including college. While I did sort of resent it at the time (maybe still do ..), I'm a much better person because of it. And it doesn't sound like you're out frivously spending on yourself, so he will get it sooner than later.
I certainly didn't mean to ask the teen for input on how the money is being spent Under normal circumstances, I probably wouldn't lay it all out for them, but in the current economy, with the (single?) parent being unemployed, and a near legal adult asking for money, I don't think it is an outlandish idea to write down a round figure for each monthly bill, and show the teen a comparison of the money coming and and the money going out. It wouldn't even have to be the actual bills. just round figures so he'd get an idea.
I certainly didn't mean to ask the teen for input on how the money is being spent Under normal circumstances, I probably wouldn't lay it all out for them, but in the current economy, with the (single?) parent being unemployed, and a near legal adult asking for money, I don't think it is an outlandish idea to write down a round figure for each monthly bill, and show the teen a comparison of the money coming and and the money going out. It wouldn't even have to be the actual bills. just round figures so he'd get an idea.
so if there is $100 discretianary income left over.... how would you think an entitled adolescent would think it should be spent for that month? When she compares the money coming in to the money coming out, she will probably have enough to cover the suit, as she has already stated that she will probably cover (maybe lend) it. But just because you "have" the actual cash, it doesn't mean you "have" it to spend on that exact purpose. Showing him her finances would actually open the door to him being misled into thinking she actually has it- and just doesn't want to. A "near legal adult" is certainly not always mature enough to understand those details, I didn't until I had kids (future is all of a sudden SO important).
Tell him to mow some lawns and do some babysitting - just like we did when we were that age. Or sell old stuff on Craigslist or ebay.
I went to the prom twice. First time - I had a really cheap dress, but I had fun anyway. The next time, I ended up borrowing a dress from my boyfriend's mom. And since my boyfriend went to school elsewhere - I ended up not going with him. I went with a good friend instead. We had a great time. Do I remember how much money was spent or what it was spent on? NO. I just remember the fun I had with my friends.
Senior prom is a big deal, I might contribute more for it. But junior prom - heck no.
exactly why does this teen think he has to go to jr prom ? there is another one called sr prom and it is much more important than jr prom . I never went to either prom why ? because my mom and dad could not afford it , with other kids in the house none of us went to prom and why ? because we could not afford it and my parents sure as heck did not feel the need to discuss their financial sittuation with us but since you already have done so with this young teen perhaps you should advise him to get a job and help out your finanacial sittuation . I wish you luck and maybe one day he wont feel so entitled .
IMO it is not the same as telling your neighbor or your friend, or whoever about your finances. It is a member of the immediate family, a member if the household who is spending the money. I don't think it needs to be a big secret within the household.
It IS the same. An adult's money used to support a family or an individual is the business of ONLY the spouse, no one else.
A teen, by the age of 17 should have some kind of income of his/her own, be it an allowance or job income, birthday money put away or SOMETHING. They certainly know what money is. By that time, they should be spending THEIR money and know how to budget and save it for something they want yet have a little to spend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305
I certainly didn't mean to ask the teen for input on how the money is being spent Under normal circumstances, I probably wouldn't lay it all out for them, but in the current economy, with the (single?) parent being unemployed, and a near legal adult asking for money, I don't think it is an outlandish idea to write down a round figure for each monthly bill, and show the teen a comparison of the money coming and and the money going out. It wouldn't even have to be the actual bills. just round figures so he'd get an idea.
The most effective way to teach a child about money is to start them young understanding income and outgo. By playing games as children, understanding that when they want something, they have to give something in return, some kind of currency, then using their own money as they mature (When the kids were little, we used to get kisses and hugs in exchange for things they wanted. Something big would be lots of kisses and lots of hugs. Things that were smaller would 'cost' fewer.)
Teens know what money is. They don't need to know the family expenses. They don't even have to know if the parent can afford something or not. Teens aren't OWED anything but a roof, food and clothes. Parents don't need an excuse for not funding something the teen wants that isn't necessary. All teens have to do is learn to budget their own money, save and come up with a reasonable offer for the parent; something like I'll pay half if you can help with the other (That's what we do here.).
By the time someone reaches 17, they should already know financial responsibility without having to be shown parental finances.
It IS the same. An adult's money used to support a family or an individual is the business of ONLY the spouse, no one else.
A teen, by the age of 17 should have some kind of income of his/her own, be it an allowance or job income, birthday money put away or SOMETHING. They certainly know what money is. By that time, they should be spending THEIR money and know how to budget and save it for something they want yet have a little to spend.
The most effective way to teach a child about money is to start them young understanding income and outgo. By playing games as children, understanding that when they want something, they have to give something in return, some kind of currency, then using their own money as they mature (When the kids were little, we used to get kisses and hugs in exchange for things they wanted. Something big would be lots of kisses and lots of hugs. Things that were smaller would 'cost' fewer.)
Teens know what money is. They don't need to know the family expenses. They don't even have to know if the parent can afford something or not. Teens aren't OWED anything but a roof, food and clothes. Parents don't need an excuse for not funding something the teen wants that isn't necessary. All teens have to do is learn to budget their own money, save and come up with a reasonable offer for the parent; something like I'll pay half if you can help with the other (That's what we do here.).
By the time someone reaches 17, they should already know financial responsibility without having to be shown parental finances.
obviously if the parent had plenty of money and just didn't want to pay for prom, then showing the kid the monthly expenses wouldn't do any good. As you said, the kid would find the "extra" money and want it. With a parent either on unemployment or with zero income, I'm assuming there is no "extra" money at the end of the month. In that situation, I think it could be a learning tool. Not in most situations, only in one like this.
^^One situation isn't any different than another. No offspring has any business in the family books. It is none of their business. The parent does not owe an explanation to the teen.
NO PARENT HAS TO PROVE FINANCES TO ANYBODY ELSE, NOT EVEN THEIR OWN OFFSPRING UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
To the OP: If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Whatever you do, don't put the expenses on a credit card.
Explain gently to your son that you just don't have the money. If possible, you could buy a suit at Goodwill or advertise that you want to buy one on Craig's list or something. You could also contact the school counselor and explain your situation and see if there are any tickets for people in your situation. As much as your son wants to go, you can't snap your fingers have a handful of money. Maybe he can find enough work in the meantime to pay for it.
^^One situation isn't any different than another. No offspring has any business in the family books. It is none of their business. The parent does not owe an explanation to the teen.
NO PARENT HAS TO PROVE FINANCES TO ANYBODY ELSE, NOT EVEN THEIR OWN OFFSPRING UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
No, no parent HAS to do that. But she could if she felt like it would help. jeez. I'm entitled to an opinion.
No, no parent HAS to do that. But she could if she felt like it would help. jeez. I'm entitled to an opinion.
Yes you are - and you are not the only one with that opinion I am sure
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. I can't imagine why an adult would need the input of an adolescent on how to spend their money, regardless of whether its pouring in or trickling in.
..), I'm a much better person because of it. And it doesn't sound like you're out frivously spending on yourself, so he will get it sooner than later.
