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When I am invited to a cake and punch or park wedding it reflects in my gift. If they don't go all out I won't either.
I find that very sad. I give based upon my relationship to the couple. Not everyone has means or the desire for a 4-5 hour party.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jodipper
I see people complain that the parents invited their friends. Parents have social obligations. Who do you think give the largest checks?
As long as the parents aren't paying, the couple has no obligation to invite anyone they not want to. I do think any help the parents give should be considered a gift without strings attached.
I just set up a new account in my ING savings account for Wedding funds and I'm setting a goal of about $3,000. I told my sister about this and she laughed at me. She said who would marry a guy who only wants to spend 3k on a wedding? The crazy thing is she's pretty frugal so that really shook my boots a bit. Should I be saving more? I honestly would be happy with a wedding in a park and then dinner at an expensive restaurant. Why do people feel the need to rent a ballroom at a hotel and have expensive flowers and dresses and live band and all that other stuff? I don't want to go into debt right away in our marriage and then fight over paying it off in the next couple years. Does anybody else get where I'm coming from?
Is this your hope chest, or do you actually have a partner you may marry someday, and does she have an opinion on the wedding question? (It's kind of important to involve the bride in the planning process, you know...)
Assuming this is a thinking-ahead type savings account and there is no woman involved at the moment, we don't have to worry about a bridezilla type situation for now. A wedding in the park sounds great, that's actually a popular venue, but I think your city park service does charge a fee. (Already, it starts...) That's to keep your area cordoned off so screaming kids and barking dogs don't run right through your ceremony, and so your bride doesn't get hit on the head with a runaway frisbee. The bride will need a gown, and her bridesmaids will need dresses. Your best man will need a tux, if only a rented one. The dinner will add up, depending on how many people are invited. Wedding receptions usually involve a lot of people, $3000 may not even cover the dinner/reception/wedding cake. Will there be dancing afterwards? Gotta pay a band, or get a good sound system for canned music.
And that's not even counting stuff life bouquets for the bride and bridesmaids, renting chairs for your guests at the wedding in the park...
The good news is that customarily it's the bride's parents who pay for the wedding. It's the groom's side that pays for--HELLO!--the honeymoon! You don't want to scrimp on the best part, do you? It doesn't mean you have to go to Europe or Hawaii, but even renting the bridal suite in a nice hotel at Niagara Falls, or Yosemite Lodge or wherever you want to go, and paying for meals, a massage for each of you now and then, even if for only 2 weeks, let alone the traditional "moon", or month, will eat up your $3000 pretty fast.
People spend a lot of money on fancy weddings partly because little girls are socialized to think that's the biggest and most important event of their life, and it should be "special". This gets programmed into girls at a very early age. It was especially big back before women had career options, and being married was what provided a woman with status and meaning in life. Thank heaven that's changed! Still, bridezilla types abound. Make sure the woman you choose to propose to is modest, level-headed, and hasn't been raised as a princess by her parents.
If the father of the bride is into showing off his financial status, he'll pay for a big wedding just to make a splash and show the world he's a man of means. There are lots of silly reasons why people have big weddings. But there are also couples who are married before a justice of the peace, and have a reception at home. In fact, home weddings are also an option.
And remember, inflation may eat away at those $3000. Good luck.
Weddings are a waste of money IMO. Unless you're so rolling in the cash that it's just another day for you to throw the big party with the catered food, open bar, flowers, cake, etc. for 250 people then I really don't see it. I want to get married in Vegas or go on a vacation and get married on the beach. It's the marriage that counts, not the fancy wedding.
The good news is that customarily it's the bride's parents who pay for the wedding. It's the groom's side that pays for--HELLO!--the honeymoon! You don't want to scrimp on the best part, do you? It doesn't mean you have to go to Europe or Hawaii, but even renting the bridal suite in a nice hotel at Niagara Falls, or Yosemite Lodge or wherever you want to go, and paying for meals, a massage for each of you now and then, even if for only 2 weeks, let alone the traditional "moon", or month, will eat up your $3000 pretty fast.
"For only two weeks"?!
Most couples that I know who've recently gotten married have taken about a week for a honeymoon, some even just 5 days. A popular destination for my newlywed friends has been Hawaii, Caribbean cruises, and Mexico; I can't think of anyone I know who has recently gone to Europe for a honeymoon simply because of the expense and amount of time needed for overseas travel.
Who even has time for a two week honeymoon anymore?! I know I could never take that much time off work, it's a PITA to take even three days in a row off because of everything needed to do when I get back.
I'm not going to hate people who choose to spend 100k. It's their decision. Just not for me. I'm looking forward more to the marriage than the wedding.[/quote]
I bet the people who spend 100K are looking forward more to the marriage too which is why they are having a wedding Just because people can afford to spend lots of money on their wedding and choose to doesn't mean that they love each other any less than someone who has an inexpensive wedding in their backyard.It just means they have lots more money to spend on the wedding.
I just set up a new account in my ING savings account for Wedding funds and I'm setting a goal of about $3,000. I told my sister about this and she laughed at me. She said who would marry a guy who only wants to spend 3k on a wedding? The crazy thing is she's pretty frugal so that really shook my boots a bit. Should I be saving more? I honestly would be happy with a wedding in a park and then dinner at an expensive restaurant. Why do people feel the need to rent a ballroom at a hotel and have expensive flowers and dresses and live band and all that other stuff? I don't want to go into debt right away in our marriage and then fight over paying it off in the next couple years. Does anybody else get where I'm coming from?
People have been brainwashed by the popular culture media to believe that big weddings are a necessity.
We eloped. $25 license at the county courthouse and I wouldn't have it any other way. We saved the money to start our life together, not pay for 300 shrimp cocktails. LOL
Kind of agree with the sentiment of your post, BUT----
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
The good news is that customarily it's the bride's parents who pay for the wedding.
This is SOOOO not true anymore!! With the recent bad economy, many parents don't have the money set aside (if it was ever even there) for their daughters' weddings anymore. Additionally, with the age of 1st marriage passing 25 for the first time in history (and many, many 1st weddings in late 20's through 30's age), more couples are paying for a significant chunk or all of their own weddings because they can. It's more common these days for the bride's parents to pay for her dress or give whatever they can, whether it's $500 or $5,000 or $50,000 towards the wedding expenses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
It's the groom's side that pays for--HELLO!--the honeymoon!
This is also rather antiquated thinking as I can't think of many/any friends (out of literally 40-50+ weddings I've been to in the last decade, including my own) where the groom's parents paid for the honeymoon. Rehearsal dinner, usually, but honeymoon - no way! Not since we were 22 and the first few were getting married right out of college without a penny to their names or a 1st paycheck in the bank.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
You don't want to scrimp on the best part, do you? It doesn't mean you have to go to Europe or Hawaii, but even renting the bridal suite in a nice hotel at Niagara Falls, or Yosemite Lodge or wherever you want to go, and paying for meals, a massage for each of you now and then, even if for only 2 weeks, let alone the traditional "moon", or month, will eat up your $3000 pretty fast.
Again, REALLY antiquated thinking on your part!!! The last people I know who took a traditional "moon" were my parents in the mid 1970's. And that was considered VERY UNUSUAL even then. My dad was between grad school graduation and his job starting and the timing worked perfectly. If not for that, even they wouldn't have had the luxury of a month's vacation!
Most people get 2 weeks TOTAL vacation per year at their jobs, especially when just starting out in their jobs, making a 2 week honeymoon a pipe dream. Even those who have 2 weeks can rarely get the boss to sign off for 2 consecutive weeks off. I am fairly recently married and we took 2 weeks, but we have both been with our companies for many years and were able to "pull rank" for a once-in-a-lifetime trip. I won't be taking 2 consecutive weeks off again this summer, that's for sure!!
Yup, we got lucky that our parents paid for our wedding. Otherwise, I would've gone for something cheap.
We got lucky and our wedding turned out to be just about $100K (not including rings, honeymoon, dress/tux).
I was initially planning for a $20K wedding on our own.
I'd like to know what you got for the $100k wedding if that didn't include the dress, rings, honeymoon, tux? How many guests? i can't even imagine spending that much money for a wedding. Baffles the mind and we are a family of considerable means.
We have not and probably will not be paying for anybody's wedding any time soon. 28 y.o. daughter living with SO for 4 years, makes good money. 30 y.o. son on his first post doc, favors a simple lifestyle. I doubt he even thinks marriage in going to be part of his life.
We still have 2 minors at home to raise and educate so they come first, plus our own retirement.
I had a big expensive wedding courtesy of my parents. They paid for it, it mostly involved their friends and it made them happy. My husband's family paid for the rehearsal dinner. We paid for our honeymoon and rings. For the poster who was asking what it involved that made it costly; a 5K dress, an exclusive golf and country club, sit down dinner for 100, a sushi bar, cocktail hour with hors d'oeuvres, a live band, a string quartet, a high end photographer, a "flower designer" who does magazine spreads, a ridiculous cake, and a sit down catered brunch the next morning.
I wanted a pretty dress, other than that I would have been happy with a few friends and city hall. My mom wanted a dream wedding, I let her make all of the decisions and have "her" day. Looking at the pictures now my husband and I laugh about "Mom's wedding" because it was so not us.
ETA My smart little sister took one look at our wedding and eloped
I should probably also add that my parents could afford my wedding easily.
Last edited by hml1976; 06-06-2012 at 11:39 AM..
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Just because people can afford to spend lots of money on their wedding and choose to doesn't mean that they love each other any less than someone who has an inexpensive wedding in their backyard.It just means they have lots more money to spend on the wedding.
