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I have a long time friend whose parents left something like $200,000 to each adult child. Her siblings immediately put their inheritances into various type of retirement funds but she co-mingled the funds into her & her husband's joint saving accounts/money markets/CDs/whatever thinking that it would greatly benefit her entire family. Unfortunately, a few years later her husband's business started to have problems , so he "borrowed" from their savings. Later, he "borrowed" some more. Then they needed a new car, a new furnace, and other things and before she know it most of the money was gone.
Interesting. My husband does have retirement funds (with far more money in them, than what I have in mine). He can also be a tightwad in some ways.
But he talks down investing a lot, says it's just like gambling and not really worth it. He wanted to spend 20K to upgrade our swimming pool, though.
The problem is, that I have already co-mingled some of the inheritance by putting a small amount in our joint account, so it may be too late and it may already be considered community property.
The best I can do at this point, is perhaps persuade him to put most of it into our 529s for the kids. He originally wanted nothing to do with college savings plans, so I set them up - and his name is not on them. Me and my sister are the "owners" of the plans. So, if I were to die, my sister would ensure the 529 money was used for my kids college. My husband wouldn't be able to open up the plans and do what he wants with the money.
I'd rather my kids have all the money, than his family getting their hands on it.
Wow. These paragraphs definitely say something about your trust in your husband.
Good for you though! Seriously. All the power to you in taking care of things.
"Honey, I love you, but, if you give one penny of the money to anyone without my permission, I will cut your chu-changas off while you sleep and hang them out on the clothesline. Do not for a second think I'm joking!"
You need to stop being the poor little women. Your issue is not the money, it's the typical dominated relationship and spousal inequality.
"Honey, I love you, but, if you give one penny of the money to anyone without my permission, I will cut your chu-changas off while you sleep and hang them out on the clothesline. Do not for a second think I'm joking!"
You need to stop being the poor little women. Your issue is not the money, it's the typical dominated relationship and spousal inequality.
I was thinking the same thing.
If you want to put all of the rest of the money into your retirement funds just remind hubby about his retirement funds that are currently much larger than yours.
Or, the college fund idea, with you and your sister named (instead of your spouse). Sadly, I have heard too many times of the non-contributing parent decimating or even completely emptying their child's college savings fund when it was mostly, or completely, supplied by the spouse or spouse's family (such as the grandparents).
The best I can do at this point, is perhaps persuade him to put most of it into our 529s for the kids.
No, the best you can do is to just put YOUR money where YOU want it to go. No asking! He doesn't get to have an opinion on this matter. It isn't his money.
You are asking a question on a forum which has members from all over the world, Inheritance laws are usually controlled by state and country laws, Google inheritance laws and your state and country and see what they say. When all else fails, hire a lawyer.
No, the best you can do is to just put YOUR money where YOU want it to go. No asking! He doesn't get to have an opinion on this matter. It isn't his money.
IMHO, money that someone inherits does not even need to be discussed with their spouse. Your money and 100% YOUR decision. Of course, you can ask for your spouses opinion but in the end it should be your decision without pressure.
I remember many, many years ago when a friend of mine who was a newlywed complained to me that her husband INSISTED that all of the savings bonds that she received from her grandparents & other relatives when she was growing up (like for her baptism, various birthdays, her confirmation, HS graduation, etc.) be cashed out and put into their joint checking account. I was positively horrified. Hubby had a good job but he was almost literally "taking candy from a baby". It was not a lot of money, but in her opinion it was clearly her money. Imagine getting married to someone at age 21 and they INSIST on getting the money that your relatives gave you when you were born!
I suspected that they would have arguments about finances their entire marriage. And they did. They ended up getting a divorce almost totally about money issues.
I liked the idea of putting the money into some sort of account that is not easily accessible. Either an account in your name only or some sort of retirement/investment account. Maybe put it into a college fund for your kids or some type of trust where it can't be touched.
I would also recommend working on your marriage problems. Being forced to have separate accounts isn't healthy imo. You guys need to get on the same page financially and trust each other. But you are not at that point so protect your inheritance for now while working out these issues.
IMHO, money that someone inherits does not even need to be discussed with their spouse. Your money and 100% YOUR decision. Of course, you can ask for your spouses opinion but in the end it should be your decision without pressure.
I agree - and I think when a spouse insists on co-mingling all funds, that's a huge red flag. It usually seems to mean that he/she is either an over-spender, and over-controller, or both.
OP, you said your retirement accounts aren't as well-funded as your husband's are. Depending on how well-funded your own retirement accounts are, you might want to consider holding part or all of that inheritance money back for yourself. Kids can get loans to pay for college, but there are no loans available to pay for retirement.
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I was positively horrified. Hubby had a good job but he was almost literally "taking candy from a baby". It was not a lot of money, but in her opinion it was clearly her money. Imagine getting married to someone at age 21 and they INSIST on getting the money that your relatives gave you when you were born!
