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I was reading another thread and a statement about a nanny and it made me wonder about this. So I was married to a wonderful man for 30 years (I'm a widow) who unfortunately grew up dirt poor. We were great together (lol, hence the 30 years) but one area we would some times clash is he thought because I grew up relatively upper middle class I "did not have a clue".
Didn't come up a lot usually in reference to spending for the kids or vacations but I would counter that I'm not going to be punished because he grew up poor and since he did have a happy childhood with great parents and two great siblings what's the problem?
for example, my parents once a year took the entire family on vacation, all my siblings, nieces and nephews etc etc. usually to a Caribbean island.
lol, my weakness is Christmas. I totally admit to some times being out of control
So do you think we have a biased against folks if they did have luxuries growing up? One aspect I find interesting is that people will talk about leaving their kids inheritances but then criticize a kid that grows up with an inheritance as being "entitled" or "spoiled". Isn't the point of an inheritance to make them live an easier life??
I wouldn't say I grew up poor but my father's business had some lean times. He did welding for farmers and other businesses in our agricultural community. Sometimes they didn't pay their bills.
I think it's natural to be a little resentful of people who grew up with money, who think that is the natural order of things and lecture others about their poor financial habits even though their relative wealth is not due to any sort of financial wizardry but because Mommy or Daddy sent them checks regularly. I'm not referring to you, OP, but rather someone I know.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 10-13-2017 at 07:15 AM..
I think it's natural to be a little resentful of people who grew up with money, who think that is the natural order of things and lecture others about their poor financial habits even though their relative wealth is not due to any sort of financial wizardry but because Mommy or Daddy sent them checks regularly. I'm not referring to you, OP, but rather someone I know.
It's a interesting phenomenon isn't it. I have a good friend "S" who inherited some money when her dad died when she was young and her relatives where smart enough to invest it so by the time she got to college she had a good head start.
Anyway she is such a wonderful person, one day we were at the mall having lunch with 3 other friends and she saw a very gorgeous ring in one store, well I was definitely on team "buy it" she did not. later she confided in me that she thought dropping a few grand on jewelry would be in bad taste because one of the other girls was just saying at lunch how things were a little tight financially.
Well, to some extent I will say I believe it is true that IF a person grew up with parents who never struggled financially, that person may not be able to relate to having to struggle financially, or make choices where they have to DECIDE BETWEEN make certain spending options. I don't want to say they CAN'T relate because then that's a blanket generalization. And of course not relating -- does NOT mean being resentful. That's two different things.
Deciding whether to take 15 people to the Caribbean -- or Europe this year....is not the same anxiety or stress producing decision as whether I pay the utility bills , or the rent/mortgage or take my kid to the doctor.
Sure, people with wealth can teach their children to respect, and help, and not be judgemental of those who by fate -- have less money. But no, you'll never convince me that I v a n k a T r u m p or Paris Hilton -- or even people not on THAT level can relate to the financial decisions many Americans have to make. Now, that's on an individual basis of course. But heck -- look at one recent inaugurated national leader who made his money in real estate after getting a head start because his DAD was in real estate. Every time this person opens his mouth you can tell -- he has no clue.
I have a friend whose husband is an investment banker, pension fund manager and venture capitalist. I've known their kids since they were babies. I can tell you they have no clue about struggling financially at a subsistence level. They've "summered" in Europe every year and went to private schools. Now, am I being too harsh on a 16 year old who buys $90 dollar Gucci socks, $245 jeans, and wants a $1,600 pair of boots -- that SO FAR her parents have said "no" to. There are 8 year olds who give their gifts to the homeless. This 16-year-old wants $1,600 boots.
They are NOT at the Billion dollar level, but certainly at least a few mill a year (in NYC). They're spending decisions have been between which private schools for the kids, which exclusive suburb to live in, which sports car to get for a mid life crisis. He makes all that money and still feels 'stressed.' IS it the same stress -- does that mean he can relate to having less, or to the person deciding between repairing a car to get to a job, buying kid's school supplies, or getting health insurance??
Does he have a clue about that. I doubt it. Maybe yes, but likely....no.
I was reading another thread and a statement about a nanny and it made me wonder about this. So I was married to a wonderful man for 30 years (I'm a widow) who unfortunately grew up dirt poor. We were great together (lol, hence the 30 years) but one area we would some times clash is he thought because I grew up relatively upper middle class I "did not have a clue".
Didn't come up a lot usually in reference to spending for the kids or vacations but I would counter that I'm not going to be punished because he grew up poor and since he did have a happy childhood with great parents and two great siblings what's the problem?
for example, my parents once a year took the entire family on vacation, all my siblings, nieces and nephews etc etc. usually to a Caribbean island.
lol, my weakness is Christmas. I totally admit to some times being out of control
So do you think we have a biased against folks if they did have luxuries growing up? One aspect I find interesting is that people will talk about leaving their kids inheritances but then criticize a kid that grows up with an inheritance as being "entitled" or "spoiled". Isn't the point of an inheritance to make them live an easier life??
What do you think?
Maybe your husband just thought you spent too much money on frivolous things. That isn't bias.
^^ Yes, but even deciding that something is frivolous is in itself subjective. There may be a general consensus about what's considered frivolous. But it's still subjective. Not that there's anything wrong with that at all. I think most decisions about things ARE subjective. They're not judgments in the "judgemental" sense....just in the decision and forming an opinion sense.
Maybe your husband just thought you spent too much money on frivolous things. That isn't bias.
sure it is, mainly because you have to decide what is "frivolous" because the reality is, usually if you are not talking about the basics necessities for living every thing could be considered frivolous.
People need "shelter" but remember when there was that phase when people were purchasing "mini mcmansions" and everyone ranted and raved about it. Sure, no one "needs" a 4000 square foot home to survive but if you can afford it I would not call it frivolous.
Because of my husbands back ground he thought buying organic was frivolous. when the kids were small I would go food shopping by myself because I knew he would balk at purchasing organic chicken breast. I got it, I definitely understand it.
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