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I honestly think a lot of black women think there are no good black men because of all the specials they see on the nightly news and the articles in magazines such as Ebony and Jet. They tell them the same old same old stories they have for years: Black men are gay, only want white women, have no education and are flat out undesirable. Many black women, who cannot think for themselves, take this run with it and it enters their psych and they never shake it.
A good thing for me is I never overwhelmingly received enough love from any group of women since I came to America, so I have no attachment to any group. Both black and white women have let it be known of my flaws, so I realized at the end of the day I was not missing out on anything special.
As far as some black men not liking really dark women, I guess you could say it is not their preference. Just like many women have certain preferences about men as well. It is simply called life.
Yes, there are certainly straight, normal mild mannered black men, but the problem is, many of them are not looking for regular black women, they are looking for hoochies, just like the thugs. Once these guys are rejected/dismissed, many of them develop a hatred for black women and later claim that all black women only date thugs, when in fact that is simply untrue.
If a black man is truly interested in dating a good black woman, he doesn't really have to search far. Just head to the local bookstore or college campus or sign up for an online dating site, like eharmony or match.com. Avoid the clubs and/or lounges, especially if they are in inner city neighborhoods.
Ive come to the conclusion that this is the sentiment that exists on both sides. After talking with female relatives who swear up and down its "sooo" hard to find a decent black man, and talking to male friends who also swear up and down that its "sooo" hard to find a drama free black woman, i noticed that each side thinks they have some sort of monopoly on dating hardships. They dont. I think what's jolting is that for the longest we've ALL seen the Tyra episodes and the Oprah episodes and the articles about the prevalence of worthless black males. If they arent in prison, they're downlow, jobless or downright adulterous. In very recent years good black men have begun to vocalize their frustrations as well, and its not so well received. They were expected to either suck it up and deal, or act as though there were no problems with black women either. There isnt any televised talk show forum or waiting to exhale script for black men to air their grievances through to the listening public, so it takes society aback to hear just how volatile the dating scene is for black men as well.
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The media plays a role, but black males are also largely responsible for how they are percieved as a group. You can't support music by 50 cent and lil wayne, and then cry out that black men are stereotyped. In truth, the media would have relatively little influence if more black guys simply had positive male role models in their lives, during the early stages of development. This is really the crux of the issue.
The media not only plays a role, it writes the script. There is no idolization of 50 cent nor lil wayne if record label execs dont sign those artists. Nor is there any if companies didnt want to use their likeness to brand and market their product in the media. That doesnt excuse the 50 cents from their behavior, nor does it excuse the people who listen to them. The only problem is that the breadth of their record sales come from white teenagers and black women.
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Also, we need to stop acting as though it's only the thug/criminal types that abandon their children in the black community. There are plenty of average joe so called 'nice' black guys that also walk out on their children.
Thats like saying that we need to quit acting like the Michelle Obamas are the ony ones having kids out of wedlock...Of course there are successful, seemingly responsible black men walking out on their children, just as there are successful seemingly responsible black women having abortions and giving birth to bastard children. But to focus on that demographic as though they are the majority, or even a large minority is wrong headed in my opinion.
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There's a plethora of young single black women who are college educated. Perhaps these women do not look like Beyonce, but they are certainly out there. Last year, I was trying to help a young black guy meet a nice black girl, but I noticed he was extremely immature. He kept stating that he was only interested in 9's or 10's. Mind you, this particular guy was only making 30k/year and he was very much average interms of his looks. He however felt that since he didn't have a prison record and he actually had employment, all women should be impressed. It was rather sad. I tried to encourage him to date regular black women, but he refused. He wanted a Beyonce look-a-like. This guy had no understanding that the Beyonce look-a-likes, understand that they are in high demand, and are usually looking for attractive alpha males that are making six figures.
Not all women should be impressed by a man with no prison record, and a decent job. But it should at least pique their interest if they're ever expecting to be taken seriously as romantic interests by that same male when he's making 80k.
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Your average black woman is certainly not looking for a loser or a fly guy. Perhaps there are young black women out there who are looking for excitement, but I'd venture to guess, they have no idea what's in store for them if they deal with certain types of guys.
The thugs are horrific, but many of the so-called nice black guys are sometimes just as bad. Many view themselves as 'great' simply for not having a criminal record and attending college. Often these guys have no interest in committing to one woman, which explains why the marriage rates are so low amongst young blacks.
If a nice guy is just as bad as a thug, then he isnt a niceguy, so called or otherwise.
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It's odd that you believe there are so many great black guys in the U.S. My question is, if there are so many, why are they unable to change the black male's negative image?
I stated my belief for the ongoing phenomenon of the black males poor public perception in posts prior. In a nutshell: media controls public perception, and until blacks can control media, the perception of them will likely continue to be distorted. I find it equally odd that you believe there are so many terrible black men in the U.S.
Last edited by soletaire; 06-09-2012 at 02:54 PM..
Yeah, so instead of dating the level headed, intelligent darkskin Black girl with African features you'd rather skip over those types and date women from other cultures because they have silky hair, lightskin and a narrow nose. However you and the rest of the nerdy decent black men crew will continue to bash black women, and ruin our reputation(darkskin black women) because the lightskin girls with wavy hair rejected you and all want thugs
I guess. If thats the narrative you want to advance to rationalize your hangups then you'll believe whatever you want to believe, no matter how many people tell you you're beautiful. I suspect Morris Chestnut or Shemar Moore or whoever the hot guy is supposed to be nowdays could tell you you're the apple of their eye, and you'd go ballistic because you think you're playing second fiddle to lauren london or Beyonce, because they SURELY only started heading your direction after being soundly rejected by those two women. You'd tell yourself: "I CERTAINLY wouldnt have been their first choice, if they couldve pulled any other woman on the face of the earth but me. Im sure of it"
Last edited by soletaire; 06-09-2012 at 02:40 PM..
I honestly think a lot of black women think there are no good black men because of all the specials they see on the nightly news and the articles in magazines such as Ebony and Jet. They tell them the same old same old stories they have for years: Black men are gay, only want white women, have no education and are flat out undesirable. Many black women, who cannot think for themselves, take this run with it and it enters their psych and they never shake it.
A good thing for me is I never overwhelmingly received enough love from any group of women since I came to America, so I have no attachment to any group. Both black and white women have let it be known of my flaws, so I realized at the end of the day I was not missing out on anything special.
As far as some black men not liking really dark women, I guess you could say it is not their preference. Just like many women have certain preferences about men as well. It is simply called life.
Some, its the large majority who don't want a really dark woman. It's not just a preference it's racism when the majority have a problem with a really dark woman because they feel she lowers their status in society.
the black men could find a good black woman if they stop pursuing the lightskin/mixed black girls.
I guess. If thats the narrative you want to advance to rationalize your hangups then you'll believe whatever you want to believe, no matter how many people tell you you're beautiful. I suspect Morris Chestnut or Shemar Moore or whoever the hot guy is supposed to be nowdays could tell you you're the apple of their eye, and you'd go ballistic because you think you're playing second fiddle to lauren london or Beyonce, because they SURELY only started heading your direction after being soundly rejected by those to women. You'd tell yourself: "I CERTAINLY wouldnt have been their first choice, if they couldve pulled any other woman on the face of the earth but me. Im sure of it"
Well, it's not uncommon for black men to abandon a black woman for a lighter or nonblack woman once he attains wealth and status in society. Black men have no loyalty
Some, its the large majority who don't want a really dark woman. It's not just a preference it's racism when the majority have a problem with a really dark woman because they feel she lowers their status in society.
the black men could find a good black woman if they stop pursuing the lightskin/mixed black girls.
Believe most who do have that preference, because it is strictly sexual. They don't care what others think.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding but are you guys saying that there are only two types of black men and black women? The nerds(Carlton Banks, Urkel, the guy from Jamie Fox for instance) and hoodrats(Lauren London, Lil wayne, Nicki Minaj, Young dro etc)? Aren't there black women and black men "in between", that aren't geeky or ghetto, but just you know "regular"?
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