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My job is my passion. Same with most of my friends. We are excited about what we do and love to talk and hear about each others jobs.
It is sad that you consider your job sad and boring.
Talking about a job as it is my only passion in life..is sad and boring.
What if you met someone (possible friend) on a totally different track in life? Perhaps unemployed or in a field totally unrelated to yours. What would you discuss after figuring out that work is not on a common ground?
I tend to discuss: hobbies, books, music, movies, bikes, hikes, kids, family...almost anything else before I discuss work. I am happy to say that I have friends that I have NO IDEA what they do... and it doesn't bother me.
IMO discussing a job with a new acquaintance is nothing but a filter.
Do you think such secrecy has cost you friendships?
Maybe if you feel you cannot be honest about what you do for a living, maybe you need to do something else?
Actually, no, I don't think it has cost me any friendships. I tend to not disclose what I do for a living because nine out of ten times it triggers envy or some ill-guided hope that "knowing" me will somehow come with monetary or intangible benefits. In other words, knowing "what I do for a living" biases how people interact with me. Sorry, I much prefer to get to know real people and not those who simply want to be your "friend" to benefit.
You see, I am secretive about my job not because it is illegal, immoral, or somehow something you would not be proud of. I am secretive to protect myself and my family from false friends.
I understand that it may be difficult to comprehend, but not everybody has to slave away at a 9 to 5. I have been very fortunate in my life but with that fortune has also come the early realization that people just LOVE to take advantage of a situation and that many are willing to say and do just about anything in order to get on your "good" side - and that includes sex (I am happily married with children). I really don't need or want any of that.
Consequently, I chose my friends very, very carefully - they are either in similar circumstances, knew me before I became who and what I am, have no reason to want to benefit, or they decided that they really liked me long before knowing anything about my "job."
I assure you that just about everybody in my situation does the same - for the very same reason.
Oh, brother. I'll bet you say it in such a way that they are left thinking......CIA....
The astronaut versus whatever else is what hooked me......
For a while, I also decided to "work" as a dog walker when I lived and worked in NYC. I did so because I was going to the park with my own dog anyway, because I love dogs, and because I figured some poor dog that's usually locked up in an apartment will get a nice few hours out and about. Thus, I "signed up" with a large dog walking company whose owner actually knew me personally.
"Being" a dog-walker put me on a lower social rung than a doorman. It was amazing and a stunning contrast to my real life and the real job that I'd pursue a few hours later. Very educational, too.
You know, I actually really wish I would not have to pretend anything, but that is simply not a reality in my life. Thus, for the time being, I have fun with such inquiries.
For a while, I also decided to "work" as a dog walker when I lived and worked in NYC. I did so because I was going to the park with my own dog anyway, because I love dogs, and because I figured some poor dog that's usually locked up in an apartment will get a nice few hours out and about. Thus, I "signed up" with a large dog walking company whose owner actually knew me personally.
"Being" a dog-walker put me on a lower social rung than a doorman. It was amazing and a stunning contrast to my real life and the real job that I'd pursue a few hours later. Very educational, too.
You know, I actually really wish I would not have to pretend anything, but that is simply not a reality in my life. Thus, for the time being, I have fun with such inquiries.
I live in the rural south so professional dog walkers are something you dont see except on TV. Its looks pretty interesting and fun to me. At one time I had 3 rotts and a mutt that I walked at the same time and found it quite challenging. So how many dogs could you walk at one time. I assume in NYC you have to clean up after your dogs. Was that difficult to do while handling multiple dogs. Did you ever get the leashes tangled. Did any of the dogs ever get in a fight or bite anyone or did you ever lose one? Do you have a favorite breed.
Now see that wasnt so bad. Or am I being rude. . In the south its cosidered friendly.
You know, I actually really wish I would not have to pretend anything, but that is simply not a reality in my life. Thus, for the time being, I have fun with such inquiries.
You remind me of a "Mad about You" episode: Jamie and Paul take his parents' cruise tickets and
while on the ship, pretend they are other people, telling cruisers different stories about what they
do for a living: Paul's an astronaut, a diplomat, rodeo clown, to inventing Velcro
Finally, when confronted, Jamie tells the Cruise Director that Paul is "crazy".
I agree. It is an obvious and shallow way to size a person up. It's like asking a potential romantic partner the same thing to get an idea of how much money they make so you can decide to stick with them or move on to someone else.
But I have to agree, it is a very bad question and will try to purge it from my conversation.
So your job should be a secret from a potential romantic partner...that is a little silly.
I'm married. However, I've spent a good part of my life working nontraditional hours. That might mean I have to work at 10 pm on a Saturday night....and no you can't call me a hundred times to check up on me(to see if I am really at work). You'd be surprised how many people have a huge problem with someone who doesn't work a normal schedule. Best to get that little obstacle out of the way to start with.
Talking about a job as it is my only passion in life..is sad and boring.
And this is why semantics do occasionally matter, I did not say it was my only passion, did I?
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What if you met someone (possible friend) on a totally different track in life? Perhaps unemployed or in a field totally unrelated to yours. What would you discuss after figuring out that work is not on a common ground?
I have no idea, all my friends are employed, in very similar fields. But to make talking about the things that you care about, off topic just because some one is unemployed is ridiculous. One of my friends has no children, she is still tolerant if one of the rest of us tell a story involving our children.
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I tend to discuss: hobbies, books, music, movies, bikes, hikes, kids, family...almost anything else before I discuss work. I am happy to say that I have friends that I have NO IDEA what they do... and it doesn't bother me.
Wow, what a shame that whatever it is you do, isn't something you find interesting enough to rank at least as high as a hobby. Anyway, I go hiking, biking, surfing, etc with my friends, we do not really need to talk about it. But that isn't really the point.
Friends talk about the things that matter to them. It is RUDE to have topic taboo just because one person is bored by it. Makes you a not very good friend, if you cannot listen when your friends want to discuss their jobs because you find it "sad and boring". Actually, it is beyond sad, to shallow.
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IMO discussing a job with a new acquaintance is nothing but a filter.
So which is it? Acquaintance or friend? Or maybe to you both conversations are exactly the same. They are not for me. My friends and I discuss much more things, including our jobs. When making an acquaintance, asking what someone does, is a chance to find common ground.
Anyway, to be very honest, based on what you have said here, I don't think anyone is missing out on your friendship if you find them sad and boring if they want to discuss work.
Not rude at all. I might be offended if somebody who just met me said "what was the last book you read". That's a lot more personal than asking "what business are you in".
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. In the south its cosidered friendly.
