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These type of people are manipulative takers but never straighten up and when one gets tired of the shinaigans they manipulate others to help them. My cuz made his way through our family and we're all done helping him, he's on his own. Maybe he found another sucker, who knows.
I just hope he doesn't find a low self esteem, wanna save people type, easy to manipulate girl, he'll use and abuse her.
No you don't. I have a cousin who is homeless. He's a mean alcoholic. My grandparents gave him their house and car free and clear "because they felt sorry for him because he is poor". My aunt with cancer had to help him pay the bills because he couldn't hold a job long. She was dying but he was verbally abusive toward her making her last days a living hell. She died and his free ride was gone. He couldn't pay the bills, trashed the house and lost the house. The house is now boarded up. My grandmother kept this house white glove clean before she passed, spotless to a fault. Now they say the house is full of cat pee and feces and beer cans and booze bottles everywhere, filthy. Now remember, that house was "mortgage free"
My mom in her 70's took him in with the promise he wouldn't drink and would get a job but he couldn't keep a job because of his drinking and my mom kept giving him another chance. She didn't charge him anything. We noticed mom becoming different, quiet. We found out that he he was drinking and was verbally abusive, always threatening her, getting in her face and we kicked him out. The change in my mom was dramatic once she knew we were not going to let him back. After he was gone we found out he had used her SS number and got a credit card in her name with him as an authorized buyer. Of course we closed the account, filed a police report. He kept calling harassing my mother so a PFA was filed. Our family is rid of him for good. He comes near my mom I'll call the police and have arrested and he knows I'll do it so he stays away.
There is more that would make you sick but that's enough, you should get the point.
Now you were saying OP? Some people are given more help and chances than they deserve and they still blow it.
There are some people that are "family" that are a danger to you. Some that hope to bring you down and destroy you if they can.
In some people's lives even "friends" can have hate and envy in them towards them when they open their home to them.
From my personal experience the lesson I learned for myself is that it's best for me not to let most those I know stay with me. There are exceptions. Those that have helped me along the way in life and it would be my honor if for whatever reason they were down and out I could open my door to them. But most people I know would begin to resent me if I opened my door to them. Because what I have learned about human nature is no one is ever wrong. That goes for Hillary Clinton, Adolf Hitler, Al Capone, and everyone. The homeless friend or relative may begin to hate you because you are wrong in a trillion different ways and they are never wrong at all.
There are a small portion of people that really beat themselves up. From my experience they are usually drug addicts. And they think themselves wrong all the time. But even among drug addicts few are like that.
From what I've seen in life the very "strong families" tend to do the best in taking in relatives and those relatives be they alcoholics or drug addicts do okay with them while still being active in their addictions. The addiction is no more than akin to the many diabetics that rarely ever follow their diets 100 percent correctly. But of course these can't be mean drunks or mean addicts.
When I was going through stage IV cancer at the ripe old age of 23, I struggled mightily financially and had no real caregivers. My parents are alive and had the capacity to help, but they both have narcissistic personality disorder and had gaslighted me my entire childhood into thinking my needs and emotions were less worthy of attention than theirs (not that I recognized it at the time). When they chose to go out to dinner several times a week and take a 2 week trip overseas to Scotland rather than visit or help me while I was unable to fill my medications, eating cheap crap, missing appointments because I couldn't afford the copays, and concerned about homelessness, it just confirmed my own belief that I was unworthy of getting help. Luckily, I've had a lot of therapy and support from friends to recognize that my family, including my extended family, is astoundingly dysfunctional and that's not my fault or a reflection of me.
It's very easy to think everyone comes from as much of a put together family as yours. We don't. I could be homeless and my parents would ask me that I don't tell anyone about it because it would shame them, just like they told me not to start a GoFundMe account when I was sick because "family problems stay in the family."
Most homeless youths are that way because they have been kicked out of their homes or face abuse due to their sexuality or gender expression. Many homeless people end up that way because of abuse they have faced. They stop trusting people.
Furthermore, so much of homelessness is the result of mental illness. There are often no resources for families to take care of mentally ill relatives. Short of the relative trying to hurt themselves or others, there is no way to force them to get help. When drugs get involved, you can't ask families with small children to upend their lives, quit their jobs, and take care of people who don't want to be helped. It's an incredibly tough situation.
Still others have no family at all. Look at stats on what happens to kids who age out of the foster care system. It's gruesome. 3% go on to college. Most end up homeless, pregnant, and/or in jail. People need support, and too many people do not get it.
When I was going through stage IV cancer at the ripe old age of 23, I struggled mightily financially and had no real caregivers. My parents are alive and had the capacity to help, but they both have narcissistic personality disorder and had gaslighted me my entire childhood into thinking my needs and emotions were less worthy of attention than theirs (not that I recognized it at the time). When they chose to go out to dinner several times a week and take a 2 week trip overseas to Scotland rather than visit or help me while I was unable to fill my medications, eating cheap crap, missing appointments because I couldn't afford the copays, and concerned about homelessness, it just confirmed my own belief that I was unworthy of getting help. Luckily, I've had a lot of therapy and support from friends to recognize that my family, including my extended family, is astoundingly dysfunctional and that's not my fault or a reflection of me.
It's very easy to think everyone comes from as much of a put together family as yours. We don't. I could be homeless and my parents would ask me that I don't tell anyone about it because it would shame them, just like they told me not to start a GoFundMe account when I was sick because "family problems stay in the family."
Most homeless youths are that way because they have been kicked out of their homes or face abuse due to their sexuality or gender expression. Many homeless people end up that way because of abuse they have faced. They stop trusting people.
Furthermore, so much of homelessness is the result of mental illness. There are often no resources for families to take care of mentally ill relatives. Short of the relative trying to hurt themselves or others, there is no way to force them to get help. When drugs get involved, you can't ask families with small children to upend their lives, quit their jobs, and take care of people who don't want to be helped. It's an incredibly tough situation.
Still others have no family at all. Look at stats on what happens to kids who age out of the foster care system. It's gruesome. 3% go on to college. Most end up homeless, pregnant, and/or in jail. People need support, and too many people do not get it.
You may be a rare case but in my cousins case he to this day he does not think he did wrong. He told someone in the family that I threw him under the bus. My mother was in her early 70's at the time and I don't care how big you are, abuse my mother in any way and I will put it to an end. Take a swing at me and I may go down but in the end I will win. Then again, he was a mean drunk (especially with women) and we had to get him out. He was thrown out before it got to that point. My brother got him out. Our immediate family doesn't have drug and alcohol problems and we certainly didn't need to deal with it now.
You may be a rare case but in my cousins case he to this day he does not think he did wrong. He told someone in the family that I threw him under the bus. My mother was in her early 70's at the time and I don't care how big you are, abuse my mother in any way and I will put it to an end. Take a swing at me and I may go down but in the end I will win. Then again, he was a mean drunk (especially with women) and we had to get him out. He was thrown out before it got to that point. My brother got him out. Our immediate family doesn't have drug and alcohol problems and we certainly didn't need to deal with it now.
I never said my case was the most common, but it certainly is not rare to have dysfunctional, useless family. Not in the least. And it's also not new.
Did your family try to get your cousin into rehab? Recovery from addiction cannot happen in a vacuum: they need family support more than anyone. Yes, even if they are mean and violent. That doesn't meant they will get it, especially because they're mean and violent, but the need is still there. The likelihood of an addict getting help on their own when isolated from their support system is slim to none.
It's not a good situation. Addiction is hard and addicts never seem to make that challenge any easier.
No one in my family will end up homeless unless I am.
I live in Houston and I see plenty of white and black homeless people. Hispanic homeless are much rarer and I have seen a single homeless Asian in my nearly 40 years here.
Um, you've never lived it by I have friends that have.....a relative that goes nuts, won't take meds, is on drugs, violent and steals all your stuff?
P.S. I've never seen a homeless albino, your attempts to try to drag race into this is sad and pathetic.
Um, you've never lived it by I have friends that have.....a relative that goes nuts, won't take meds, is on drugs, violent and steals all your stuff?
How many of the homeless are like that? Are they that way due to heritable factors or their environment? I once knew of a homeless family of a former housewife with several kids who left a rotten husband and had no where really to go. Does that mean all homeless are like that?
Quote:
P.S. I've never seen a homeless albino, your attempts to try to drag race into this is sad and pathetic.
If you did see an albino homeless person, they'd still have a race.
When I was going through stage IV cancer at the ripe old age of 23, I struggled mightily financially and had no real caregivers. My parents are alive and had the capacity to help, but they both have narcissistic personality disorder and had gaslighted me my entire childhood into thinking my needs and emotions were less worthy of attention than theirs (not that I recognized it at the time). When they chose to go out to dinner several times a week and take a 2 week trip overseas to Scotland rather than visit or help me while I was unable to fill my medications, eating cheap crap, missing appointments because I couldn't afford the copays, and concerned about homelessness, it just confirmed my own belief that I was unworthy of getting help. Luckily, I've had a lot of therapy and support from friends to recognize that my family, including my extended family, is astoundingly dysfunctional and that's not my fault or a reflection of me.
It's very easy to think everyone comes from as much of a put together family as yours. We don't. I could be homeless and my parents would ask me that I don't tell anyone about it because it would shame them, just like they told me not to start a GoFundMe account when I was sick because "family problems stay in the family."
Most homeless youths are that way because they have been kicked out of their homes or face abuse due to their sexuality or gender expression. Many homeless people end up that way because of abuse they have faced. They stop trusting people.
Furthermore, so much of homelessness is the result of mental illness. There are often no resources for families to take care of mentally ill relatives. Short of the relative trying to hurt themselves or others, there is no way to force them to get help. When drugs get involved, you can't ask families with small children to upend their lives, quit their jobs, and take care of people who don't want to be helped. It's an incredibly tough situation.
Still others have no family at all. Look at stats on what happens to kids who age out of the foster care system. It's gruesome. 3% go on to college. Most end up homeless, pregnant, and/or in jail. People need support, and too many people do not get it.
My parents are similar. More interested in luxury shopping and jetting off to exotic far-flung places with their inheritance money than in actually being parents when I was a kid.
But it's all good, they just won't get a dime or a minute of time from me when they're old and have long squandered all their money and alienated everyone in the whole family (not just me). And I have no siblings, so good luck to them.
I have an acquired family I'd do anything for and vice versa, and they are who matters to me.
Anyway my point is that I agree, many biological families are a mess. It takes zero parenting skill to breed.
Hopefully you're currently surrounded by people who care about you now.
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It's an incredibly tough situation.
