Is it any wonder why gays have a negative reputation amongst so much of the population? (legal, statistics)

[MattDen]

I was wondering is it any wonder why gays have such a negative reputation for so much of the population?

I think alot of homophobia but not all is due to the lifestyles many, many gay people lead.

It cant be denied that amongst the gay male community (not nearly as much so amongt lesbians) that many, many guys just go from bed to bed every single night and have multiple partners every month.

I think alot of gay men just dont really care at all about the ramifications of their health because of constant jumping from bed to bed. Also it seems like gay men are much, much heavier smokers in general. I think amongst the gay male population their seems to be a very disproportionate amount of people who have horrible inpulse control and dont worry about the hardships health wise they could impose on their one night-stands health.

Straight people and lesbians have people like that in their population but its very widespread amongst the gay male community.

I consider myself attracted to men, but I am a virgin but whenever I have gone out anywhere it seems like gay men dont even want to have a conversation before taking each other home. Even the 21 year old straight college students seem to have more impulse control and logic when they are very drunk then a majority of the gay male population.

I think where it stands now so much of the gay community lives a very, very unhealthy lifestyle guys sleeping around with hundreds of guys over several year periods of time. Its almost a public health hazard how so many gay men live in my opinion.

In my opinion this is a political issue though because so many straight people who dont approve of gay lifestyles probubly are right when they stereotype alot of gay people.

[ontheroad]

I can't recall the exact phrase, but in the Band Plays On, a quite terrific reference book on the HIV epidemic, the author made an astounding and useful reference to heterosexual men: if straight men didn't have women to keep them in line and on the arrow, they too, would be promiscuous...or some words to that effect. It resonated with me all these years later, as a very accurate observation.

Basically, men are not monogamous!

[SteelCityRising]

Originally Posted by MattDen

I was wondering is it any wonder why gays have such a negative reputation for so much of the population?

Interesting question. I'll have to read on to see the point you're attempting to illustrate.

Originally Posted by MattDen

I think alot of homophobia, but not all is due to the lifestyles many, many gay people lead.

Since you correctly stated "many, many" instead of generalizing all of us, I'll once again reserve judgment.

Originally Posted by MattDen

It cant be denied that amongst the gay male community (not nearly as much so amongt lesbians) that many, many guys just go from bed to bed every single night and have multiple partners every month.

No offense, but don't you think many straight males would do the same with straight women if afforded the opportunity? I can't tell you how many straight guys here on campus are constantly groping themselves while watching other females pass by or are bragging about "notches on the bedpost." Males, in general, are just more sexually-charged than most women are, and that has been supported through a scientific study that I can recall reading (I'll have to Google it to see if I can post it as a reference to substantiate this claim). As such, if males are, to put it lightly, "hornier" than women, you're going to have a greater chance of having two males engaging in intercourse to satisfy those impulses than two women or a man pursuing a woman with less sexual interest in him than he has in her. Trust me, I'm by no means a virgin, but I attempt to exercise more caution when I choose who to sleep with, and I always practice "safe sex" when the issue does come to fruition. Judging by the amount of teenage pregnancies in my area, I'd care to guess that a lot of straight teen males are just as tempted to fornicate like jackrabbits if they find a willing opposite-sex partner. It's just easier to get two males to consent to sex than it is to get most women to consent to sex. We men are pigs! LOL!

Once again though, since you prefaced your claim with "many, many" and not "all," I'll respect your opinion.

Originally Posted by MattDen

I think alot of gay men just dont really care at all about the ramifications of their health because of constant jumping from bed to bed. Also it seems like gay men are much, much heavier smokers in general. I think amongst the gay male population their seems to be a very disproportionate amount of people who have horrible inpulse control and dont worry about the hardships health wise they could impose on their one night-stands health.

I'll throw you the bone here (no pun intended). I've noticed that just about every other gay male that I've come across in my area is a heavy smoker (something which immediately turns me off). Then again, comparing sexual impulses to substance abuse impulses is stretching it just a bit. Cigarettes contain nicotine that make it difficult for smokers to kick that disgusting habit. Sexual impulses are inate and fueled by hormones and testosterone. I can recall from Psychology AP in high school that one esteemed female (whose name escapes me right now) proposed that sex is a primary human drive that needs to be satisfied, just like hunger and thirst. I agree with that assessment, as I find myself having to "settle" that particular drive on at least a daily basis, even though I choose to do so in solitude most of the time as opposed to with others (which I think is where the trouble lies). Men are sexual beasts, as I explained earlier, but we do not need a partner to release those impulses. I really am trying desperately to keep this discussion as "G-rated" and family-friendly as possible, but I think you get the idea of how one can quench that impulse without sleeping around.

Whether the amount of homosexual males who satisfy that impulse with others as opposed to on their own outweighs the amount of heterosexual males who do the same is debateable. I think if women, in general, were just as sexually-driven as men, then you'd have a similar scenario in the straight community as well.

Originally Posted by MattDen

Straight people and lesbians have people like that in their population but its very widespread amongst the gay male community.

Once again I'm not sure if the amount of gay males who sleep around is proportionately higher than the amount of straight males who sleep around. All I know for sure is that no male is perfect. Hell, I had a straight guy one time solicit me to give him a certain form of sexual pleasure back in high school, but I declined. Sometimes, apparently, that sexual drive is just too powerful of a force to overcome. Let's not forget that in ancient times, Spartan males would start to impregnate women as young teenagers to help build up the male warrior population for combat. I'm sure these straight males had no objections to that (also as evidenced by the alarming number of straight male teenaged students now seducing their female teachers in our own nation).

I'll admit that through personal experience, I have yet to find many potential dates who can keep their eyes trained above my waistline while we have a conversation. Out of curiosity two years ago I made a pilgrimage to a local gay night club just to explore. I got out on the dance floor, and before I knew it I had another guy touching me inappropriately. Nevertheless, I'm sure that others like me DO exist in the gay community; my metropolitan area is just too small (pop. 600,000) to find any of them. I'm sure there are many straight women out there as well who feel as I do; don't you think a lot of straight guys have to be told to regain eye contact by women when they notice their gaze falling towards their chests?

Originally Posted by MattDen

I consider myself attracted to men, but I am a virgin but whenever I have gone out anywhere it seems like gay men dont even want to have a conversation before taking each other home. Even the 21 year old straight college students seem to have more impulse control and logic when they are very drunk then a majority of the gay male population.

I'm a 20-year-old gay college student who has never consumed alcohol by choice. I've made my fair share of sexual mistakes by going down every now and then, but I've only done so when I thought the relationship was progressing towards something long-term and potentially lifelong. I did perform a little "experiment" of my own one time though just for research. I decided to make two profiles on two different gay-related internet personals sites---one was more of a romantic-oriented one, and the other was more of a sexually-explicit one. I created a very eye-catching profile on each site and then checked back in a few days on each site to see the number of replies I had. I had only a select few on the romantic-oriented one (mostly from fat, balding guys in their 40s....ewwww!) However, my profile on the sexually-explicit one had generated MUCH interest. It was sobering to realize that if I want to pursue true romance, I'll have to commute several hours out of my metropolitan area for dates.

Originally Posted by MattDen

In my opinion this is a political issue though because so many straight people who dont approve of gay lifestyles probubly are right when they stereotype alot of gay people.

Nevertheless, stereotypes are harmful when you are the rare one who "bucks the trend." I don't appreciate being lumped together as a feminine, cross-dressing, interior decorating, limp-wristed, lisped, weak, sexually-immoral, AIDS-carrying child molester, and I don't think the rest of the gay community appreciates that either. Even POSITIVE stereotypes (such as all Asians are mathematics standouts) can be detrimental to those Asians who are not academic overachievers and feel inferior as a result.

[SteelCityRising]

Originally Posted by ontheroad

I can't recall the exact phrase, but in the Band Plays On, a quite terrific reference book on the HIV epidemic, the author made an astounding and useful reference to heterosexual men: if straight men didn't have women to keep them in line and on the arrow, they too, would be promiscuous...or some words to that effect. It resonated with me all these years later, as a very accurate observation.

Basically, men are not monogamous!

We came to that SAME conclusion, only it took me 300 pages to explain it! LOL!

[FSNRI]

Scranton,

Thank you for being so honest about your own experience. What do you think is the solution to the issue of promiscuity among gay men? Don't you think there are plenty of other young, sensitive gay men such as yourself looking for a relationship rather than quicky and easy sex?

[foma]

Originally Posted by MattDen

it seems like gay men dont even want to have a conversation before taking each other home

Probably b'c they were all repressed for so long! Their religions telling them they're going to hell if they "indulge" in this "sinful behaviour". One day they just said, "Screw it! I'm going to have fun!"

I see your point but as you stated, everything you said can describe heterosexuals. Anybody ever been to Padre Island or Cancun during Spring Break? Not a whole lot of restraint there! (Not that I've been myself)

Most of my gay friends aren't like that. They are looking for love and happiness. Look at Anthony and Stanford on Sex in the City. Anthony was like how the OP described gays and Stanford was looking for true love!

[mhouse2001]

I am learning something on this thread. As a gay man, I am nothing like what is described here. I am not driven by what's in my pants and I don't sleep around. Maybe that's why I feel like such an outsider when I'm surrounded by gay men. I never thought of gay people being like that, but maybe everybody else does. If these attributes are what first come to people's minds when they think about gay people, no wonder they see us in a negative light.

But when I think of heterosexuals, I don't think of Ward and June Cleaver, either. Promiscuity is shared by both groups of people. Heavy smokers are everywhere except California (one more reason to love CA like I did when I lived there).

The only reason gay people might be less healthy has nothing to do with them being gay. When your self-esteem is low or you're under stress and pressure, your health is diminished. Gay people have to put up with a lot of crap from outside influences, some make living a chore rather than a joy. If you lived in a society that claimed you are worth less, you might be more inclined to let your health fall by the wayside. Minorities in general don't live as long as the majority--maybe this partially explains why.

I do agree that sex between men is easier and faster than other combinations, which is dangerous in that it reduces it to a physical act without consequences and many gay men get dragged into that devaluation. So I would argue that gay men's promiscuity is more a function of biology than the mere fact that they're gay. If heterosexual sex was as easy, the rate of promiscuity on that side would soar to the point I don't even want to envision.

On a happier note, I believe the picture of gay people (men in particular) will change. If gay marriage is allowed, there will be a larger incentive to settle down into longer term relationships. That legal recognition will go a long way in changing other people's perceptions.

[MattDen]

ScrantonWikesBarre, I agree with much of your post. I didnt intend to lump a large majority of gay men in that group but I dont think it can be denied that the gay male community has disproportionately more risky behavior like one-night stands and multiple partners then the straight community.

I think alot of it is with the gay community that typically gay men take longer to settle down with one person if it all while a majority of the straight community settles down by the time they 30.

Being gay myself I just think that some of the social conservatives do have a point in some ways although they tend to over-generalize that their is more high-risk behavior going on in the gay male community then the straight male community.

I can see where some of the social traditionalists are coming from when they tend to stereotype the gay community. Even though I dont agree with the social traditionalists and conservative steretypes of the gay community as a whole because their are many, many excpeptions to the gay stereotype that alot of people tend to have.

[lammius]

Originally Posted by MattDen

...while a majority of the straight community settles down by the time they 30.

I wouldn't say so. Most of my friends in their early 30s are still very, very single. I've known a few people who have gotten married in their 20s but it's nothing close to a majority. But maybe statistics show something different, idk.

I think the old stereotype of promiscuous gays comes from a time when Out gays were on the fringe of society, hated, not tolerated, and had no real chance of living anything close to a lifestyle that was considered "normal" or acceptable. I think the promiscuity was (a) a reaction to mainstream society and (b) exaggerated. While I'm sure many gay men are promiscuous (and straight ones too), in my experience most gay men want to have a job, a place to live, and some sort of family (partner, maybe kids too) just like everyone else.

[Lisa_from_Debary]

I have never seen any evidence to prove that gay men are more promiscuous then straight men...in fact I doubt its true at all.

The reality that gay marriage is less likely to end in divorce then marriage between a man and a woman should say SOMETHING...

I believe its just a fabrication of people who want to say that being gay is wrong...where are these people when it comes to prostitution...are they crying out saying the police should arrest the JOHNS and put their names in the paper?? I don't hear them...