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Since it is not our place to judge and mistakes happen even with the best intentions of waiting till marriage I would be supportive of her circumstances for whatever sins you think she is guilty of only God can judge. She is now going to be a mother and like it or not the baby did not ask to be in this situation so support for the mother is important for the health of the baby. (Do you think that she doesn't toil with what happened? (Maybe, maybe not) you have no idea what is going on in her head or what guilt she may or may not have. Depending on her religion she may have already made peace with God and is going to do the right thing for the baby. Perhaps the father is not the right person to be in the babies life. Too many ifs...Be supportive, you don't have to condone the actions and if you don't want to say anything...don't! I know it is hard for you because you just found out and she sounded too excited and happy in the e-mail...you don't know how long it took her to be happy for the life of a baby either. (Even worse, if she had an abortion, you would have never have known and would think nothing of her happy smiling e-mail) Sounds like she has taken responsibility for her mistake. God Bless.
The pregnancy is the 10 ton elephant in the room and you cannot ignore it. I would say something like
:We will miss you but I certainly understand how this would be a difficult trip for you. Hope the pregnancy goes smoothly and that you have a healthy baby."
Why can't it be as simple as that? She needs for the people in her life not to completely drop her and not to treat her like a pirhana,
Hi thanks for your consideration. Please keep writing. I will write back tomorrow after I have thought over what to say and your comments are really welcome.
Just a few comments on my part to some of the comments posted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui
forgive and move on. would you rather she aborted?
Ah no. That is not my intention.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
I would thank her for responding. I would ask her how she is feeling and send your hopes for a healthy baby and an easy birth.
It's not your job to condemn or condone her actions but I am sure she would appreciate your kind words right about now. After all she is young and probably a little worried about the birth. I was 28 and married and a little scared when my first birth approached. I am sure being young and unmarried it's even scarier.
I agree with this entire email and especially with the bit in bold.
Quote:
I don't know your personal religious beliefs but I think that G-d would want you to be kind to this young lady. After all she can't undo her actions but she is still a person and I am sure she would appreciate your kind words.
I agree here too as the sort of overall general message of the bible is one of love.
It is certainly not my intention to send her an email that condems her but nor do I feel comfortable congratualting her on doing something I believe is wrong.
basically, you should say "congratulations" chances are she feels bad enough as it is, sure you may not agree with the choice she made with having premarital sex, and chance are she now realizes it was a mistake (and for all you know she did not consent to the sex and may have been forced one way or another), but you cannot condemn her for her mistake, if you are christian, you must forgive this, God has, if you are not, why are you even bringing it up, times have changed, get used to it, its not going to change because you wish it, so be thankful there is another life in the world that may bring about better times in the future and hope and pray the mother can be responsible enough to raise the child, with or without help
I agree with those who suggest ignoring the elephant in the living room - nothing has to be said about the pregnancy unless you're close enough with her to discuss this. In fact no one ever has to say anything about a pregnancy to any pregnant woman. Or just talk about it if she brings it up.
I don't understand why a congratulations would be the wrong thing to say. Babies are a blessing no matter how they happen to arrive or who they happen to arrive to. Like a PP said she may be giving the baby up for adoption, you don't know her circumstances. I actually think you are being rather snobby and judgemental for even thinking that it would be wrong to say congratulations in regards to a new baby being born or that you feel the need to say anything about it since it is really none of your business.
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