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How does your husband feel? Does he want children of his own or does he want to just enjoy his free and happy life with his new beautiful wife?
Have we ever heard from a 60 year old mother of a 14-year old? I'd like to hear her experience. Or a 70 year old parent of a 20-something year old child. Because it's not like they just turn 18 and *poof* you're done.
Children are a blessing so I can't say that I blame you for wanting a child! However, its something you really need to sit down and think about with your husband and doctor. Your doctor should be able to tell you if you're healthy enough to have a baby, go over the risks of being an older mom, and maybe have some insight as to the mental and emotional part of being an older mom as well. I'm a nursing student and I know as you get older your chances of concieving a child are less as you age, so you might need to check into the financial part of IVF, Egg Donation, ect. Also to my knowledge, fertility doctor visits aren't covered by insurance...and I've heard they're expensive. If you decide it isn't something you want/can do....there's always adoption and volunteering with children. It won't be the same as having a child but may help fill the void of not having one.
Have we ever heard from a 60 year old mother of a 14-year old? I'd like to hear her experience. Or a 70 year old parent of a 20-something year old child. Because it's not like they just turn 18 and *poof* you're done.
I'm a 64 year old mother of two adopted girls only 4 months apart and now 8 and 9. We asked for preschool age and got a 3 month old and a 7 month old. Was I going to say "No I want a different child?" Absolutely not. Fate plays a part in all this after all.
We never would have tried to get pregnant. No way but I knew there were many international children who needed families and it seemed like a win-win situation for everybody.
Now I wish I had more energy, Doesn't every parent? I wish I could volunteer more at school but what I do is a lot more than some younger parents.
I have some health issues I didn't have at the time of adoption but I try to not let it keep me down. I could have developed these issues anywhere in adulthood.
I've been involved with both infertility and adoption organizations and individual people for many years. I'm sorry to say it seems like a lot of women are more interested in being pregnant than being a mother.
I can't comment on this personally (I'm in my early 30's with no kids), but I talked with my mom about. She was 35 when I was born (20 with my sister), and she loved it. She raves about how much better it was to be an older mom. She was financially stable (house & car paid for, no credit card debit).
There was a thread in the "Great Debates" forum about people having children in their 40s, and a lot of people poo-pooed the idea. I asked my mom, "Mom, I'm curious: how old do you think is too old for a woman to have a baby?" She said, "My age!" She's 66. I laughed, and I asked her about age 40 or 45. She thought it was a fine idea.
People argue about energy and stamina, but for my mom having me at 35 was much better than having my sister at 20 because she only had one job with me, and she had a supportive husband (her first husband didn't even show up for the birth of my sister, which took 44 hours!).
My opinion, formed from my mother's experience and advice, is that it depends on you. It's very personal, and only you know what's best for you and your potential baby.
I wish you the very best in your decision-making process.
35 is not the same as 45. 35 isn't even "older" for a lot of people. Compared to 20, sure, 35 seemed great. IMO, not a good idea at 45.
I wish I could volunteer more at school but what I do is a lot more than some younger parents.
Hi Kudzu - you sound like you have such a good heart. I'd love to adopt, too, but my husband isn't open to the idea. We have our two sweet kids and that's it for us. Finito!
Anyway, if you don't mind my asking - what do you mean by this comment (quoted above)?
I totally agree with what you said, too, about how a lot of women just seem more focused on the getting pregnant part than the actual role of motherhood/parenting part. One of my aunts, for example, felt her marriage would fail if she didn't "produce an heir". IMO, that is ludacris. What is this - England in the 1800's? So what if you don't have any offspring to give your money and estate to - donate it all to your favorite non-profit or leave it to your favorite teacher or surprise your next-door neighbor (if you like them) or something. lol
That's what I love about adoption - kind of rules most of those who just want to get pregnant for selfish personal reasons or to get attention out. Or at least, it seems like it would anyway. ??
Sorry but you're past your sell by date wrt to breeding and while modern science can work mericles you should be asking yourself if it's fair to the prespective child to have a mother who would be 63-64 when it graduates from high school and up to 68 if s/he gets through college without a hitch. Lastly older mothers tend to have greatly increased risks for just about every birth defect and medical issue under the sun; is that fair to the resulting child (including the much higher risk of life time disabilities for a child you'll be too old to truly mother) just because you're feeling old and don't want to admit your own mortality?
Would you even be able to care for a young teen with special needs when you're 60? What happens to your late life special needs darling when you're 70 but it's only 24-25? Just age gracefully and stop pretending this is even remotely a good idea.
I'm 45 and want a child. I have a 21 and 24 year old from a previous marriage. Has anyone out there had a child in their 40's? I'd like some imput. I know all about the higher risks for birth defects so no need to mention that. I'd like to hear from those that have gone thru it in their 40's. Thanks!
Different people age at different rates so I wouldn't worry about age too much if you can still have children naturally. It only depends on your own health and energy levels. Older parents can be very good parents because they are often more relaxed.
[quote=AnonChick;18309144]
Let's just assume you go ahead and have your baby. By that time you'll probably be 46. When you're 56, he'll be 10. When you're 60, he'll be 14.
So now you're 60, and ready to retire. Your son isn't in High School yet. You will not be -allowed- to move to an active adult community, if that was what you had hoped for. There are some awesome retirement communities, where kids are allowed to visit, but they are not allowed to live.
Why do you have to move to an adult community and retire when you are 60? And what if you are a stay at home mom?
My mom was 41 when she had my brother. No one knew her age. This was almost 45 years ago.
Sorry but you're past your sell by date wrt to breeding and while modern science can work mericles you should be asking yourself if it's fair to the prespective child to have a mother who would be 63-64 when it graduates from high school and up to 68 if s/he gets through college without a hitch. Lastly older mothers tend to have greatly increased risks for just about every birth defect and medical issue under the sun; is that fair to the resulting child (including the much higher risk of life time disabilities for a child you'll be too old to truly mother) just because you're feeling old and don't want to admit your own mortality?
Would you even be able to care for a young teen with special needs when you're 60? What happens to your late life special needs darling when you're 70 but it's only 24-25? Just age gracefully and stop pretending this is even remotely a good idea.
Oh Please, as someone else mentioned, we all age at different rates and have different life situations. I had all my kids after 40 without medical intervention. All are healthy. I had them at 40, 43 and 47. So, I'll actually be 65 when my youngest graduates from high school. So what? It's all about who you are, what you do to take care of yourself.
On the other hand, this was my first experience having my kids, so it's alittle different than having a 20 year old and then starting over. I also was able to get pregnant on my own and did not have genetic problems.
I would agree with asking how your new husband feels about having a baby. Is it that important to him? You both have to think long and hard about how it would impact your lives. He obviously knew your age when he married you. Did the question of future kids come up before you married?
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