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Touch is not important to me.I am married but very rarely have physical contact with my wife, just a peck on the cheek before we sleep (in separate rooms). We have not had sex for 10 years, and no intimate touching for the same time. It has reached the point where neither of us even mention it. It seems to suit both of us but probably to a lot of people it isn't satisfactory
I have been divorced for 12 years now (was with him 37 years). I have always been an affectionate person, love hugs etc. from friends/family. I miss being held, or hugged or having my back rubbed or just simple touching gently. It is so difficult to keep going this way----thank goodness for my dogs! I actually ask friends for hugs sometimes because I need them! it's hard being alone all of the time. I like people and have always been friendly. My illness prevents me from getting out much. I get very discouraged when I consider I will probably spend the rest of my life like this---possibly 20 or more years, statistically speaking. I get very lonely.
i really cant stand it when someone at church rubs my back without asking because they think I am sad. They act really shocked when I say "please don't do that." When I have told people all my life, no hugs, no backrubs, no touch, they ignore me and force their will on me. Then I have to get nasty and there are consequences. if i don't submit to the hugs and squeezes and smooches and backrubs, I lose the community and people's good will. I wish people were different. I wish they liked me equally after finding out i don't like or enjoy touch. I wish they were different. I wish they respected my wishes and kept their hands down at their sides or clasped in front of them when they talked to me--no wandering fingers either! I wish they were different. I wish they didn't give me puzzled looks or ask me questions or expect me to explain it. I just wish everybody was different. I'm cool with myself though!
Nope! Do not crave touch! Not at all! I feel sorry for all these sad, needy people who need touch and affection to feel ok, I really do. But I think it's super weird that some of them actually think that those of us who do not enjoy touch actually deep down feel the way they do and if we have it forced on us enough we will welcome it and turn to embrace it as they do--as if being needy and cravey were normal and being more self-sufficient were somehow pathological. I think it's just weird and sad that instead of trying to understand those of us who are different, they twist things into terms that make it seem everyone is like them. There is no increase in understanding this way. I'm not sure how much I understand, but i see now that people who are touchy feely and grabby are motivated by these inner feelings of want and need somehow. I didn't know that before. I thought they were controlling, bad mannered, and grabby. They are, I guess, but there is all this inner emotion associated with it that I never would have guess about in a million years if I didn't see it spelled out! That's why I love the internet! And the more I learn about other people and how amazingly different they are from me, the more I develop a kind of understanding of them, even if is is way hard, and the more I love and accept myself for my own qualities!
I've seen a few puzzling posts by the needy touchers who somehow feel bad for the non touchers? There is more intricacy to this than I realized? Why would you feel bad for people who are self sufficient and less needy than you? I'm asking in sincerity. Do not feel bad for me, I feel great and wouldn't change me for the world! I am so happy with myself, but am deeply, deeply curious about those who need touch and I guess worry about them a little bit. True I sometimes get annoyed with the ones I know in real life who try to get me to meet their needs, or who strangely interpret me as having their same needs at the same level... The only times I'm really receptive to touch are when I am genuinely sad, AND I know and trust the people, AND I know they are not trying to meet their own puzzling touch needs. And I know they have the kind of etiquette that the hug isn't going to last very long and they aren't going to caress me in any way. So I only feel that way in those conditions, when I feel unusually needy due to a loss or a death of someone close to me or something. So I suspect people who need a lot of touch are vulnerable and sad all the time? Like constantly in bereavement? How awful! And those of us who don't enjoy touch are confident and happy? Am I wrong? Am I missing something here?
I dunno... I hug, high five, shake hands, and talk with a lot of people everyday... But I think cuddling, kissing, and holding hands in a romantic sense are the most important. Just hugging family makes it feel obligatory, but hugging someone you chose to hug (and they chose you to hug) in a romantic sense is so exhilarating... Haven't had that for years :/
I prefer money. Touch? I really don't like being touched and never have. I do not appreciate people that need touch to try to force me into it. I guess because people in the past have sometimes forced touch because they needed it that I resent it. I don't "need" a hug! I make exceptions for older people that are alone when they are close friends as a lot of them grew up using that combined with a thank you.
I have a son with Down syndrome who is now an adult. He has some other issues and doesn't care to be touched either except at rare times when he doesn't feel well or if having a bad time with something. Everyone wanted to "high 5" or get a hug from him and I told them that this was not going to happen.
So, it is fine if some people want to be touched and want affection but they need to respect others and realize that not everyone is the same.
Frankly, with all the perverts out there and I have encountered a couple or more, I don't want to be touched. Also, you can tell "good touch" from "bad touch" despite what the hugger/toucher might be saying, they might be getting more than "touch/affection" out of it.
I think I only crave touch from certain people. Being touched in platonic manner by family, or other women. Nope. Can do without that. Especially if they want to make a thing of it. Like my grandfather wanting to squeeze and hug me. I hate it, and when he wants to hug, I usually don't put much effort into it, except when I 1st see him, where he wants me to squeeze him. I can't wait until I move. Then he won't know where I live, and I won't have to see him.
Touching a guy I find attractive, would be different. I welcome that. But not from anyone else-unless I happen to be very depressed and miserable.
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