Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie
Sure, I have, lots of people have. They get married, show great love and affection for the other, sacrifice for the other, and there's little in return, but you make commitments and so you keep trying to hold to the promises you made when you got married. Two wrongs don't make a right.
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I think that if you love unconditionally and practice loyalty and devotion and constancy, there is an even chance that you will in some important respects get left holding the short end of the stick. If you love the person, it doesn't matter; doing the right thing is its own reward and hopefully, you are self-aware enough to know that with another person it would just be Something Else to deal with. The grass is seldom ever actually greener on the other side. Sometimes, the green spots move around and trade places with the brown, dead spots, is all.
Also, if you're fairly self aware you eventually figure out that you suck as much as the other person -- maybe just in different ways.
The problem in relationships is that we are always trying to optimize them, often in unrealistic ways. We expect more from them than they can actually deliver. For example what person in their 40's or 50's can realistically expect to find an age-appropriate partner who has zero baggage and zero extended family drama? Who in that age group can marry someone far younger and expect not to lack important things in common and for the age difference to be a constant source of difficulty? Who in their twenties can marry at a time when they are the most inexperienced, the most hormone-crazed, and expect that choice to be just perfect?
Too many people still have hyper-romantic, One True Love ideals that have no basis in reality. Or religious ideations that make such ideals even more unrealistic.
While I don't recommend staying in abusive relationships, I am suggesting that to some extent, one may be better off overall to stick with disappointing relationships. Dudes, the hot lady you wish you'd married is just a lady you don't know well enough yet to realize she's a tender trap. Ladies, I guarantee that studly guy you wish was yours (1) farts in bed, (2) tells jokes you find distinctly unfunny, (3) forgets birthdays and anniversaries, (4) watches too much sports, (5) is around when you wish he weren't and out with his friends when you wish he wasn't. Or all of the above.
As a Buddhist monk once said, I'm told, "The problem with relationships is that they don't work".
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