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Saw this some where, I have a small family not that many friends. At work I joke around what ever but...when I get of I go to nothing no GF or kids. Siblings and friends they all have a family so I don't see any one. It's always been like this...I know I'm alone but don't feel lonely is this normal...just working and not having a social life? what you guys think?
However, it might not be a bad idea to add a few social activities to your life and to make an effort to cultivate a handful of friendships because researchers say that that kind of thing keeps you healthier and helps you to live longer.
So treat it in the same way as diet and exercise. I find it's easier to make friends if you join a couple of organizations or volunteer someplace on a regular basis.
I live alone and have no contact with any family members other than a couple of my late husbands relations on Facebook. have a few close friends but for the most part my home life is solitary. I do have a very active life which does include a lot of interaction with other people but mostly on a professional level. Being an introvert and highly sensitive this is a very good arrangement for me. So. Yes it is possible to be happy being alone. But you also do need contact with other people. Even if it is just in very small doses.
I say no. The older you get, the more imminent your death becomes, the idea of spending an eternity alone in death makes the emptiness in life increasingly worse.
I have a few good friends, and have limited contact with one relative. . . and it's prefect 'for me'.
I learned that "What's right, is what's right for each individual", and have no concern about what anyone else may think about me or my lifestyle because I'm very content and comfortable with who I am.
People do live that way. Some by choice, and some not by choice. It is something I have struggled with for years since I came to the realization that there would be not ever be anyone who would love me in that way. For me, it is not a choice, but something I have to accept, and I've ALMOST come to the place of acceptance but I still struggle with it on and off all the time. I have to keep living whatever time is left to me, and I don't want to live it filled with sadness and the anger that comes over me from time to time over feeling cheated by life. (I am talking about being loved in a relationship. I have a daughter, a mother, siblings, some friends, but no one ever fell in love with me.) I was always so ashamed that I was alone, and as I grow older, I think I talk about it now because I don't want to be ashamed anymore. I had a lot to give, and no one wanted it.
I posted this song I recently found on another thread on Valentine's Day. For some strange reason it helped.
(Lyrics)
Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you,
Comfort and care for you?
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You've always known
Your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved
Alone.
ETA: There's one solution--write SONGS about being lonely! LOL
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 02-16-2015 at 08:01 AM..
People do live that way. Some by choice, and some not by choice. It is something I have struggled with for years since I came to the realization that there would be not ever be anyone who would love me in that way. For me, it is not a choice, but something I have to accept, and I've ALMOST come to the place of acceptance but I still struggle with it on and off all the time. I have to keep living whatever time is left to me, and I don't want to live it filled with sadness and the anger that comes over me from time to time over feeling cheated by life. (I am talking about being loved in a relationship. I have a daughter, a mother, siblings, some friends, but no one ever fell in love with me.) I was always so ashamed that I was alone, and as I grow older, I think I talk about it now because I don't want to be ashamed anymore. I had a lot to give, and no one wanted it.
MQ, please don't feel ashamed that you're alone...you're in good company with many, many others. Personally, I feel that it's better to be alone than to be unhappily involved with someone simply because you don't want to be single. If you had a dollar for every person who was in a relationship, but felt "alone", you'd be filthy rich and could quit your job.
You're probably familiar with Lisa Scottoline. In addition to being a best-selling author, she also writes a newspaper column almost every Sunday, and here's what she wrote for Valentine's Day. I hope you like it as much as I did.
MQ, please don't feel ashamed that you're alone...you're in good company with many, many others. Personally, I feel that it's better to be alone than to be unhappily involved with someone because you don't want to be single. If you had a dollar for every person who was in a relationship, but felt "alone", you'd be filthy rich and could quit your job.
You're probably familiar with Lisa Scottoline. In addition to being a best-selling author, she also writes a newspaper column almost every Sunday, and here's what she wrote for Valentine's Day. I hope you like it as much as I did.
That's completely true--I was married once, but he didn't love me. I married him because I knew it was my only chance so I turned a blind eye to reality. I did get my daughter out of the whole mess, and she's great (grown up now and lives in another country) so perhaps that's what was meant to come out of it, but I already know that being in a marriage when you are not loved is MUCH worse than being alone.
The sense of shame comes, I think, from being in a world where it seems as if everyone around me is paired up. I'm the only one of my sisters who doesn't have a significant other. Everyone I work with is married. I feel self-conscious about it sometimes as if I have UNWANTED stamped upon my forehead. I feel like a thing to be set off to the side or stuck in the attic because no one knows where to put it.
But that article was great! Loved it. She is so right that we can love others even when no one can love us. And I do have cats (who won't let me put collars on them, lol.) Yes, although I never in my life set out to get a cat, I ended up with another person's cats "temporarily" ten years ago, and then had to take my daughter's cats when she went to Asia. So, I am on my way to becoming that stereotypical weird cat lady who lives alone. I suppose I should EMBRACE it!
As Schopenhauer said "the less you have to do with people in business and social life the better off you are. Being isolated has its evil but at least you know where its coming from."
There is truth to that statement. Where do all our problems come from in life. They are people problems. Isolating yourself has its negative side no doubt but with people you never know where you stand.
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