Calling all introverts: What's your idea of the perfect life? (pathological, problems)

[theluckygal]

I am an extrovert but I have introvert friends & family. This is their idea of a perfect life: Small family, home by the lake or on mountains, live in a small town, working from home, self-employed or working for a small company, 1 or 2 hobbies that involve creativity like farming/carpentry/painting/writing/music etc. They have been very successful as they have so much time applying themselves & using their time efficiently to earn extra money. I envy them sometimes as I am not artistic at all because I am always around people, chatting away but that's my hobby - social studies & psychology.

[Tracysherm]

I am child free and after a very long term relationship, I'm now living alone. I LOVE living alone, and I don't plan to ever live with anyone else again.

I have cats and dogs, and love living with them much more than living with people.

I can relate to the love of books. I read all the time and can't get rid of books. I go back to re-read books often, like revisiting old friends. I read in the bathtub, I read in bed, I read any chance I can get.

I don't buy in to the materialism thing, but I don't know if/how that relates to introversion/extroversion. Unless you look at the part of materialism that's concerned with displaying your materialism and being concerned with what others think of it. I like nice things, and I probably spend money on things that others would not appreciate (an item in an antique store that evokes memories from my own past, a piece of art that has an image or color that "speaks" to me). I buy good quality clothes, mostly because they last forever, and I detest shopping. So I have nice clothes in classic styles that I bought 10, even 20 years ago, that still look fashionable today. I like owning my own house, but it does not have to be huge or flashy. I'm very happy with my little 3 BR house. I don't have any debt, because I'm not a spender. The things I do buy (the items I mention above, and BOOKS) I budget for, and never go beyond my means.

I have a higher-level position in my place of employment. I have no desire to be in charge of anything however. I do end up being in charge of certain projects, because I'm known to be reliable, and I can run meetings that get to the point, and come up with results, instead of wasting time. My CEO is an introvert too (I report directly to him) and he appreciates my work and mgmt style. I loathe supervising people. I have 4 direct employees and I frankly find them to be a handful at times, with all their needs for direction and feedback. I sometimes can't understand why they just can't focus and problem-solve on their own. But no, they need to "bounce ideas off me" and they always seem to want to check in with me to make sure they're doing something right. On the other hand, I would prefer to shut myself in my office and respond only to e-mails. I'd love to pull the phone out of the wall. The nature of my positions does allow me to do most of my important communication via e-mail, which is great. I've become the master of holding "e-mail meetings" with a group of people, so that they can answer questions and share input at a time of their convenience without wasting time gathering people physically together, with all the travel, fiddling around, catching up, and time wasting that goes along with in-person meetings. My e-mail meetings actually get something accomplished. Imagine that.

I need a good separation between work life and home life, which my company provides. Once I'm home, I'm home. I might decide, on my own to thoroughly research an issue related to my work, but that would be by choice, not an assignment or requirement. I might come back from a weekend after having spent a solid two days researching something that I bring in on Monday. The people who spent their weekend drinking beer, watching sports with friends, and going to soccer games and cheerleading with their kids can't understand how I did all that on a weekend. But hey, I got to drink too--I had a wonderful bottle of wine all to myself, which I could drink slowly and appreciate without having to gab with friends while drinking it. If Friday approaches and I have some plans that weekend, even "fun" plans, I feel like it's an obligation hanging over my head. I enjoy the event while engaged in it, but I'm glad to go home when it's over. Having stuff on my weekend schedule feels like an "intrusion" no matter how pleasant the event might be. I'm content with my income. Of course it would be nice to earn more money, but I'm not interested in having more travel time, or more responsibility just to get more money. I'm totally content with my CEO and my colleagues knowing that I'm good at my work; I don't need awards or applause. I'm fine with being the person who gives the "assist" while someone else makes the goal and gets the applause.

I can't stand standing around and gossiping or making small talk at work. People waste so much time doing this! I will make "small talk" about work related things (throwing in sarcastic or witty jokes that make people laugh so I can gracefully exit) and maybe small talk about something that affects me a lot (like, oddly, this week's shocking Walking Dead episode, but that was only with two other people, with whom I've had deep exploratory conversations about Walking Dead). If I'm going to waste time at work, it will be to spend a few minutes here and there on City-Data, engaged in conversations that actually interest me, with total strangers who want or need nothing from me.

It's funny that you mentioned charities too, because I do give a lot to charities I believe in. And I also believe that if someone crosses my path in need of help, and I feel moved to help, I will help. But I'd prefer to help people financially and not get too involved with them. I like that I am financially stable so if suddenly a need for help presents itself, I can help. Some people see us introverts as selfish, but for me, I just can't handle someone putting NEED right in my face. Children do this through no fault of their own. Romantic partners do this both through no fault of their own and on purpose. But a dog rescue 2000 miles away that is doing wonderful work? I jump right in and send them money and stay in touch with them from a distance. Someone I know from high school was out of work and her dog needed emergency vet care; I paid for it. She didn't ask me--she just posted about it online and I contacted her privately. But I have no desire to become close friends with her. I just did my part. The people I consider my closest friends are people I mostly communicate with from a distance. But my communication with them is much deeper and more intimate that with the "friends" I see all the time.

[animalcrazy]

Aww you describe my John to a T. He would rather it just be the two of us with no pets I do not take him to many social events because he wants to leave way before I do. I think in our younger years I resented him for his anti social behavior but I understand it and respect it now. He's worth it Sometimes I feel sorry for him because we are so polar opposite. I would have a house full of kids (not my own) animals and friends all the time if I could get away with it. After 30 years of marriage we've grown to compliment each other. Sometimes he enjoys our social life and I've grown to really appreciate our quiet time together. Opposites can have a great marriage.

[Deserterer]

Nonsense. You need to learn more about introversion. I've never seen it used or considered as a derogatory label, and most introverts prefer the term to describe themselves over the alternatives. I believe Jung, an introvert, popularized the term

And I'm as introverted as they come.

Originally Posted by Waterlily Pad

"Introvert" is a condescending label that a majority group force upon the minority.

This minority group is actually the intellectuals, while the majority is, ugh, non-intellectuals.

Why must this minority group keep apologyzing for not feeling excited being around the "others" 24x7 talking and thinking about nonsense?

To the point many are led to believe they have a disorder and need to take mind altering drug in order to function among the "others." That is sad.

[Arigarisha]

Originally Posted by Waterlily Pad

"Introvert" is a condescending label that a majority group force upon the minority.

This minority group is actually the intellectuals, while the majority is, ugh, non-intellectuals.

I'm not an intellectual but I'm most definitely an introvert :/

[oh-eve]

I copied some from you:

- Words that describe me: introspective, self-contained, taciturn, low-key, passive, modest, reserved
- I become drained when around large groups of people
- I gain energy from being alone in a quiet room
- I don't mind people as long as it's one-to-one or in a small group (e.g., closest friends)
- I don't like talking unless I have something important to say
- I loathe chit chat/small talk
- I love being deep in thought
- I don't like parties or social gatherings. If I must go to one, I leave as early as possible to recharge at home.
- I find people around me (especially at work) to be rather shallow and indifferent to deep subjects I enjoy talking about
- I prefer pets to people
- I don't care about having a high position
- I would rather not supervise people -- the fewer people I deal with, the less exhausted I feel. I like having my own office and in a perfect job I would only deal with files and no people all day.
- I don't want to work 50-60 hours per week
-I strive for financial stability and try to live within/below my means
- I am bookish: I just love to devour books
- I love to write -- I aim to write articles, books and more
- I like donating to charities and helping the less fortunate
- I don't want to have kids because I value peace, quiet, and my time way too much. I wouldn't want the kid taking time away from things I like to do, like read, write, and watch movies

My perfect life would also include:
- a spouse
- a huge property in the middle of nowhere with a small ranch on it
- no neighbors in sight
- enough money to not have to work
- tons of animals
- WIFI
- Cable
- my own gym

The lesser people I see, the better. Just my spouse 24/7.

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by Deserterer

Nonsense. You need to learn more about introversion. I've never seen it used or considered as a derogatory label, and most introverts prefer the term to describe themselves over the alternatives. I believe Jung, an introvert, popularized the term

And I'm as introverted as they come.

But it is viewed as a negative in some circumstances, and unfairly, and by mental health pros.

I'm very much an introvert, and when much crap in life happened I got really depressed. I was in this program and they kept saying but you don't go out.... you need to socialize.....and so on and on. We were supposed to be going to this 'group'. My roomate and I sat right by the door, in the back. I hated it. There were literally too many people in the room.

I had stuff to keep me occupied. She and I got along fine because we understood boundries. It was people who kept pushing to break them who just didn't get it.

I was also told that I needed to get out more when I had my own apartment. Why? I had all I needed to entertain myself there. Had my dog and cat. The people around me were boring and weren't interested in being pals either.

This happens ALL the time. You are depressed over something and more people is part of the cure. When you reject that then you are being non cooperative. When you tell them you don't LIKE being around people then they make like there's something wrong with it.

I moved away. I take nothing for depression. Have a small house that's all mine and my critters. There aren't a lot of places to 'go out' which is fine since I'm perfectly happy in my house. The neighbors don't bother me. I budget just fine. When I get down there's usually a reason to look at.

Introversion alone makes you one of those daudling on the edge of the crowd. People think your shy, stand offish, unfriendly, stuck up, and so on if you don't want to 'mingle'. Even professionals have decided that there must be something distrubing about those who would rather be alone in the room. And when they think they have to fix it, it crosses the line.

Maybe we are becoming more tolerant, but as the whole social media scene is becoming a 'given' then that's questionable. I don't want to be around a crowd OR be 'friends' with strangers on Facebook. My son keeps saying I need an account but I still don't want one. The extraverts and socially minded are embrasing the tech revolution by being MORE social, and some of us pick and choose carefully.

We went from those involved in networks and computers back in the 80's were the wierdos who liked to hide in their houses and be unsociable to the ones who choose to eschew stuff like twitter and facebook are unsociable because we don't want to pour out every detail of our life and a picture and all the vitals for all to see.

[JasperJade]

Originally Posted by Wordsmith12

These are the characteristics that describe me and likely many of you:

- Words that describe me: introspective, self-contained, taciturn, low-key, passive, modest, reserved
- I become drained when around large groups of people
- I gain energy from being alone in a quiet room
- I don't mind people as long as it's one-to-one or in a small group (e.g., closest friends)
- I think before I speak
- I don't like talking unless I have something important to say
- I loathe chit chat/small talk
- I love being deep in thought
- A fun night for me involves curling up at home with a good book
- I don't like parties or social gatherings. If I must go to one, I leave as early as possible to recharge at home.
- I find people around me (especially at work) to be rather shallow and indifferent to deep subjects I enjoy talking about
- I prefer pets to people
- I am otherworldly in that I prefer ideas to people. I'd rather immerse myself in theory/ideas than do more mundane things like cut the grass and cook
- I am a minimalist and aim for simplicity
- I don't care about having a high position -- I am satisfied in a role that utilizes my skills and talents
- I would rather not supervise people -- the fewer people I deal with, the less exhausted I feel
- I don't want to work 50-60 hours per week
- I am unmaterialistic -- learning new things means more to me than buying crap I don't need
-I strive for financial stability and try to live within/below my means
- I am bookish: I just love to devour books
- I love to write -- I aim to write articles, books and more
- I love to learn and am passionate about a few subjects (e.g., history and psychology)
- I like donating to charities and helping the less fortunate
- I don't want to have kids because I value peace, quiet, and my time way too much. I wouldn't want the kid taking time away from things I like to do, like read, write, and watch movies

Of the traits you mention, only the ones I've boldfaced are signs of introversion. Everything else is more personality or preference, as extroverts are quite capable of them.

Introversion is a matter of how you think, the actual way your brain processes information, not personal taste (minimalism) and values (donating to charity).

[Pincho-toot]

Introvert and I guess I kinda fit into the "American dream" model of a house and family. I'm bisexual but whether I marry a man or a woman (do wanna get married) I do want kids someday. Between 2 and 4. I don't think anyone thinks "the more the better" because no one idolises the life of a trailer trash woman in Mississippi with 7 kids with 4 dads and 3 in jail ^^

I want a suburban house up north, most likely Minnesota. 2 storeys, not huge but kinda big. I wanna work as a film maker and writer.

Pets, I want mostly cats. Some dogs, like a husky. Rabbits too. Have a nice cute garden in the spring and summer. Especially grow tulips! ^^ Would also love to grow vegetables in the backyard and have a big old apple tree. I wanna house with a pool, though not a must. A chimney is a must though, for my dream home and a garage is important. Live near the cities but also be close to the country and the woods.

I wanna keep close to my family, see them as often as possible. They all live in Florida for the most part (at least the ones I am close to) but who knows where some of them might end up living, especially the younger ones. I wanna travel a lot but also be home a lot if that makes sense.

[Pincho-toot]

Originally Posted by Waterlily Pad

"Introvert" is a condescending label that a majority group force upon the minority.

This minority group is actually the intellectuals, while the majority is, ugh, non-intellectuals.

Why must this minority group keep apologyzing for not feeling excited being around the "others" 24x7 talking and thinking about nonsense?

To the point many are led to believe they have a disorder and need to take mind altering drug in order to function among the "others." That is sad.

Umm, talk about ironic hypocrisy. Calling extroverts non-intellectuals is extremely condescending AND pretentious. Some introverts are dumb as rocks and some extroverts are total geniuses. Being introverted/extroverted is about personality not intelligence. True, most really smart people tend to be introverted, but that's because studying requires a lot of quiet and alone time. It's more correlation than causation. Get off your high horse, please.