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I think there's a difference between pretending to be dumb and not showing off your knowledge.
Jumping into any situation and showing off your intelligence, style, financial status, sense of humor, whatever that is "better" than the other person is unfeeling and disrespectful. It's a bit silly to get angry at ignorant or lower IQ people. It's either genetic or they don't know any better... obviously. You can either help them learn something, offer information and not care what they do with it, or be a jerk.
Engaging in a conversation where you express your differing viewpoint in a mature, reasonable manner is never disrespectful. If the other person gets offended, it's probably more of a defense mechanism.
Do you find yourself hiding your intelligence from others in real life? I do it all the time, it's just easier to play along in certain settings. For me, it's mostly in situations where I am out in retail or dining. Sometimes however, it's with acquaintances or even family. When I was younger, I'd discuss in depth (anywhere, anytime) the finer nuances of any topic. Now? I just drool and make the very comment that's expected of me and play rube.
"Yup, I'm as dumb and/or uninformed as you are. I'm normal! Let's go ahead and bond over our collective dumbassery!"
It's a whole lot easier. But still, there is a nagging sensation that made me bother to even post this thread.
You also?
Well, I don't talk to my younger sibling as she does her level best to show how "Intelligent and knowledgeable" she is compared to moi. In the past she'd be using very large words to describe an incident or experience then say "Did you understand what I said?" I say "Yes, quite entertaining" and then she'd say "Well, do you know what this word meant?" I would smile and say "Did I ask any questions about any words you used? If no, then I believe I understood it all" which then she'd get huffy saying that "I was hiding the fact that I didn't know what they meant" which then would end with me saying "If you really want to show people how smart you are, how about not trying to use big words and use simple ones unless you're incapable of such, or your ego is wayyy too big for your head"
A lot of these quotes are about shutting up and listening. And always having humility in the face of ignorance.
When you really sit down and talk to people, you'll begin to understand them not as an "other" but like you; just with different opinions.
That's what is really wrong here. Go into the politics forum and you'll see no one is really trying to understand one another, just shouting back and forth, over each other.
I know a lot of stuff, but that doesn't make me intelligent or wise; true wisdom is how you wield that intelligence. And I think we're all still playing in the back yard with sticks with this one.
No. I avoid people I might feel the need to do that with. Don't most people hang out with people they have a fair amount in common with? A situation like that wouldn't ever come up for me.
I wrote my OP out of frustration with a particular incident, forgive me if I came off as arrogant. Let me clarify a bit - What I am talking about is when a person finds themselves in a random, day to day situation where they are interacting with others. Not close friends, sometimes family, and mostly strangers or business acquaintances. Most often, the typical day to day interactions is what I mean. Like standing in a line and talking to a person, getting a haircut, that sort of thing.
A more concise example than what I gave prior would be this: I'm standing in line at Auto Zone, there is a guy in front of me. He's talking with the parts person about the mortgage crisis as the parts person is looking up whatever on his store computer. The guy starts going on about how "the banks were forced to lend to people, with no credit checks. They HAD to do it!", to which the parts guy heartily agrees. The guy looks at me, clearly this is my cue to chime in and agree as well...
(Before I continue, picture that we all look roughly the same. Rednecky, middle aged white guys (this is a rural area). Clearly on the surface we are of like minds. Two of the three of us have at least one cammo item on (in my case a hat, in his a vest), we're all driving domestic trucks, and we probably agree on a lot of things. We could all probably have a beer in a blind and have a good time talking hunting and girls)
Ok, so here I am and it's my cue. My choices are:
1- Chuckle and agree heartily, knowing I have just decided to trade an awkward moment for an easy moment.
2- Disagree, and try in vain to explain the finer points of the banking lobby, monetizing debt, privatized profit coupled to socialized risk, etc etc etc.
Yes, I choose to hide ma fancy book learnin' in situations like this and many others. It has nothing to do with my personal view of myself (for the record, I am probably not all that smart, but I do have a great memory and I enjoy fancy book learnin', so git..). Worth noting is that I certainly am not the guy bringing up stuff like this when I am in line, ever. I know out of the gate how generally unwise it is to spout off my views, unsolicited, in the public square.
Let me take this moment to cut you off if you're thinking after reading that that "ah, ok, he just lives around redneck idiots". That's not accurate either. Yes, in some cases it is correct, but I encounter just as much dumbassery on the city side of the equation. I work in DC, so yes, I do mean a "real" city with fancy city folk. They (for the most part) are just as ill informed (albeit in a different way) than my rednecky brethren. Just as unable and unwilling to have their facts in order before popping off about whatever.
People from all walks of life just get weird with you if you even try to get nuanced or wordy in a discussion, or stray from one of two answers as being probably correct. Many of todays issues simply require a level of consideration that just can't be discussed easily and with one or two choices for reasons/answers, like most people seem to want to do. Most people seem to start from a baseline that is full of gaping holes where information ought to be. I didn't make it this way, and it is no way a reflection that I have a super ego. I just grew tired a few years ago of even trying to have a real conversation that includes actual thought with strangers and acquaintances, and started more and more just hiding it and playing along.
Do you find yourself hiding your intelligence from others in real life? I do it all the time, it's just easier to play along in certain settings. For me, it's mostly in situations where I am out in retail or dining. Sometimes however, it's with acquaintances or even family. When I was younger, I'd discuss in depth (anywhere, anytime) the finer nuances of any topic. Now? I just drool and make the very comment that's expected of me and play rube.
"Yup, I'm as dumb and/or uninformed as you are. I'm normal! Let's go ahead and bond over our collective dumbassery!"
It's a whole lot easier. But still, there is a nagging sensation that made me bother to even post this thread.
You also?
I am much smarter then I come across and smarter then I am willing to admit. However I believe my ADHD & learning disability keeps from a lot more. Always wish I had could find someone to help me work with in both of them. I have always been more street smart then book smart though. Overall I'm smarter then what some give me credit for. My best friend thinks I'm just lazy & that might be part of it.
Yah, you have to prioritize, choose your battles. If the topic's important to you, dive in. You may or may not carry every discussion - but sometimes the sheer exercise is reward enough. I tend to duck sports discussions - not my thing, I'm not interested enough. If it's economics I'll listen, I'm interested in learning more about a very dry - to me - topic.
Almost anything else, I can probably participate in the conversation, @ least peripherally. Small talk is mostly a chance to work on your social skills - so sure, if the consensus is running heavily against any rational decision or decision-making process, you have to wonder if it's even worth trying to argue the rational side. As an exercise, it might be worth a try.
I tend to back off, if my best lines of argument don't get any traction. It might not be you - it might be that the decisions/opinions are entrenched, for whatever reason. You can try to get @ what the underlying reasons are - preparatory to either challenging them or countermining. Or you can store the information for another day.
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The map is not the territory
