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Well the thing with the last therapist was that we could go on for minutes without saying a word to one another. He would just ask me to describe my week since we'd last seen one another, and if I didn't really have anything new to say, he would sit there in silence. It got awkward and it felt like a huge waste of money.
I don't make enough at the moment to continue with another therapist. I've seen about 4 in my life, and it hasn't worked out with any of them.
I was so struck when you said this. Many times when I started out I would go 50 minutes without saying anything and this went on for some time. Over time, I began to trust and it went from there. It was very awkward but I stuck with it and it really helped.
Did you feel inside that any of these therapists liked you?
Well the thing with the last therapist was that we could go on for minutes without saying a word to one another. He would just ask me to describe my week since we'd last seen one another, and if I didn't really have anything new to say, he would sit there in silence. It got awkward and it felt like a huge waste of money.
I don't make enough at the moment to continue with another therapist. I've seen about 4 in my life, and it hasn't worked out with any of them.
You want to find a therapist who uses evidence-based approaches to treating BPD, and is up on the latest treatments. These will generally be therapists who use cognitive-behavioral approaches, or dialectical behavioral therapy. You also want to make sure you work with someone who has experience and training in working specifically with BPD.
This might be helpful to some in finding a therapist if you choose to try it again in the future; it includes questions to ask your potential therapist:
Hard to say which side fares worst: the family of the BPD or the person themselves. And while many times its encouraged by a set of very difficult parents, it the case I am familiar, it was caused by long term untreated Lyme Disease.
Personality disorders are formed in early childhood, and BPD isn't caused by Lyme disease. BPD in particular seems to be related to insecure attachment very early in life. Lyme disease can have psychological effects, but the Lyme disease symptoms I've read about resemble other disorders rather than BPD: mood disorders, autistic spectrum disorders, bipolar disorders.
Well the thing with the last therapist was that we could go on for minutes without saying a word to one another. He would just ask me to describe my week since we'd last seen one another, and if I didn't really have anything new to say, he would sit there in silence. It got awkward and it felt like a huge waste of money.
I don't make enough at the moment to continue with another therapist. I've seen about 4 in my life, and it hasn't worked out with any of them.
Not all therapists "phone in" their "performance" to that degree. It didn't just feel like a huge waste of money; it WAS.
I find sometimes that therapists are in over their head or simply don't connect and don't have enough integrity to admit it to themselves and helpfully refer you to someone more appropriate and suited to your personality, issues and needs. They would rather just collect their ridiculous hourly fees for as long as you'll fork them over and then blame you when things don't go well.
Once, I paid for an evaluation of a family member with an old guy who grooms and wear glasses exactly like Sigmund Freud, which was weird in and of itself, but he had had a stroke of some kind and his mind wasn't all there anyway ... he could not remember things he had said in the previous session much less things the patient had said, and in fact, wrote down Schizoid Personality Disorder as Schizoaffective Disorder, which is a different thing. I had to correct him. I think his diagnosis (once correctly written) was right, but let's just say the guy was past his "best used by" date and I did not use his services beyond that initial evaluation.
Sometimes of course outside of private therapy, which you may not be able to afford or your insurance won't pay for, you are assigned to someone randomly and have to take what you get, which is unfortunate. The same family member now sees someone at our county mental health facility who is little more than a robotic drug pusher who doesn't believe in talk therapy and ignores another doctor's diagnosis of SPD in favor of treating him, purely chemically, as a person with depression. Which plays right into the patient's penchant for thinking there's a chemical solution to every personal problem. At least it's stopped him self medicating with beer. [sigh].
Mental health is a bear; you just have to keep trying.
Mordant- what you said concerning therapists concerns me. I think I am reluctant to go to therapy as I first off do wonder if they are truly motivated to help, and two wonder if they are qualified. I have been to therapists in the past and was very disappointed. Some of the things they said were ridiculous, and I felt it was a waste of time.
I was so struck when you said this. Many times when I started out I would go 50 minutes without saying anything and this went on for some time. Over time, I began to trust and it went from there. It was very awkward but I stuck with it and it really helped.
Did you feel inside that any of these therapists liked you?
I felt like they were just there. Didn't dislike me but didn't look forward to meeting with me either.
I felt like they were just there. Didn't dislike me but didn't look forward to meeting with me either.
I would suggest that you ask yourself how you feel when they are with you...not only what you think but how you feel. A therapist can become someone who lifts you, requires discipline and work but ultimately can be so helpful. The reason I'm revealing all this is because I think that you are valuable and can move forward should you wish to.
Mordant- what you said concerning therapists concerns me. I think I am reluctant to go to therapy as I first off do wonder if they are truly motivated to help, and two wonder if they are qualified. I have been to therapists in the past and was very disappointed. Some of the things they said were ridiculous, and I felt it was a waste of time.
Are you able to get a referral to someone who is well respected locally?
of course. I was too. For me I knew that I liked the guy right away. He was no bs and spoke to me in a way I had never heard. Not confrontational but short and direct. Very scary for me. But after several months of not going I felt it was worth the "risk". I learned a lot....he actually became eminent and I was so lucky to have found him....just a note I was raised in a cult which did not believe in doctors. go figure...lol. been an RN for 30 years now....guess the universe has a sense of humor (ouch)
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