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Running from other people's problems is eminently sensible, in my view. You're not insensitive and cold; you're detached. You're polite but you don't get sucked into their drama. Good on you!
Those who are telling you you should have been more affectionate or welcoming apparently have never had someone latch onto them based on the slightest encouragement.
No, obviously I've never had someone do that to me, because the people in my life are normal and healthy individuals. I'm not sure why you seem to think that remaining detached from friends is good advice or that it facilitates a healthy friendship. I can only imagine you've never had a secure, healthy friendship if you think showing the slightest amount of encouragement always creates an unhealthy attachment.
If several people have indicated that you seem cold, then you probably do seem cold. Others have given you alternate responses to your friend's question about whether he should move back. They are good responses, IMO.
I think it is good to decide that others' actions are not going to upset you, but I do think you have to respond to others when they confide in you, or share in some way. Empathy is good; showing empathy never gets old.
I think you have posted in the past that you do not want a romantic relationship right now. So, I suspect you are giving off "leave me alone" vibes for that reason. But we all need friendships. So, instead of being indifferent to others' problems, why not show a little empathy and concern. It really doesn't cost you anything to do this.
I agree with a lot of this. I dunno, I feel like I don't come off as cold or lacking in empathy,but I also choose not to let others' actions upset me. Why would answering a person's question about whether they should move somewhere affect me in any way? If I consider someone a friend, I will converse with them and offer opinions and ask questions - that's what friendship is about.
It's a friend - I'm not indifferent to them. Presumably, I care to a certain extent about their happiness and would like to help them make a decision if they ask.
What on earth are you willing to converse about if you can't even give your opinion on a simple move into town? It doesn't come off as necessarily cold-hearted, just indifferent and perhaps boring. How can you actually engage with anyone in a meaningful conversation if innocuous topics like that are taboo because they might cause you to feel something? What is your emotional investment in discussing a move?
Since you realize that socializing or maintaining friendships is not in your best interest, then carry on with the indifference.....It has its trade off I suppose....
I do agree with just about everyone. I guess I could be more tactful and less "detached." I believe most of my detachment comes from not wanting to return to the person I once was. I was very sensitive and almost allowed loneliness to consume me until I decided enough was enough. I'm not a mean person per se, and I can definitely empathize with other people, I just think I have trivialized a lot of "issues" other people have in order to keep my head on straight. Meaning every LITTLE thing.
I don't want to get distracted from my goals in life, but I do recognize that I do have good friends in my life. Affection and maintaining relationships with people are my weakest points I suppose.
Your friend wanted you to tell him that he should move back to your town, so he would feel wanted by at least one person. That's very sad. But it wouldn't have hurt you to give him a positive answer. You were given the opportunity to make a person who felt unwanted, just a bit happier and you passed on it. You defined yourself as being cold and I'm not going to dispute that with you.
Because you posted it publicly and I'm entitled to respond with my opinion. Can't handle that? Don't post publicly.
You still haven't explained exactly why you stated what you did to me.
No one said anything about you not being *entitled* to anything.
Don't flatter your opinion so much, I can *handle* much more than anything you can come up with but the most important detail is that I don't care at all what you think I was just curious why you picked my post specifically so if you *can't handle* answering a direct question with a direct answer, don't post publicly......
You still haven't explained exactly why you stated what you did to me.
No one said anything about you not being *entitled* to anything.
Don't flatter your opinion so much, I can *handle* much more than anything you can come up with but the most important detail is that I don't care at all what you think I was just curious why you picked my post specifically so if you *can't handle* answering a direct question with a direct answer, don't post publicly......
If you're 'cold' and remote and like it that way, fine, but this thread isn't about you.
Unless I missed it, what we don't know is, was the way the op answered him, trying to be impartial and not influence the decision or does she really not care one way or the other if he moves back?
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A long time friend of the family was talking about moving back into town. I was just going along with the convo, and he just asked me did I think he should come back. I just told him it's up to him, and I can't really make that decision for him. He then went on to say that the reason he moved was because he didn't feel wanted, etc. He was hinting that MY answer would dictate what choice he made. I just honestly told him that whatever his decision was won't upset or bother me. He took it out of context and said that what I said could be interpreted as "cold."
Personally I don't see it, but I have been told that I can be insensitive and cold sometimes. I don't "try" to be. I just don't see a point in getting all emotional over someone else's personal choice in what they do with their life in certain terms. (Not including suicide or something else tragic). I've been called selfish and that I "run" from other people's problems.
No that doesn't sound cold to me. You were being honest and the last thing you want to do is be the cause of someone else's decision. If it goes wrong you will be the first one blamed. If I was really close to that person I might tell them that I care about them but yes the decision is theirs and theirs alone.
I also don't think people should make their problems someone else's. I try to stay away from drama especially when happens because of their choices.
I think the mere fact you brought it here indicates you are not THAT COLD... perhaps a little but not much.
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