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There's a huge disconnect between where I am and my ideal life. I must have had a very flawed, naive view of the world at 22 because despite my upbringing, I was optimistic about my future. I just wanted what everyone wants, the American dream. fast forward 26 years after working my a*s off to get ahead, I'm just now starting to become successful by my definition. I guess that started about 4 years ago. However, I'm alone after a devastating divorce during the Great Recession, which affected my confidence, not to mention career (affected by both divorce and recession).
All I wanted was success doing something I enjoyed and a family of my own. I don't really enjoy what I do. It bores me, and I have no family. I mean, my ideal life is pretty damn simple: some financial freedom where I wouldn't panic again if I ever lost my job, and a wife who really loves me enough to stick with me through the hard times. I feel like I completely missed out on all of it. I always felt about 10 years behind where I wanted to be, now I've just accepted I'll never get there. Lastly, if I have to be single forever, I'd at least like to live in a desirable city like Atlanta (home for me) again.
I left my "ideal" life (and my idealism) behind decades ago. Life sort of has a way of beating that out of you.
Some of my ideals were completely misguided and unrealistic. Others not so much, but still didn't take into account Other People, their fecklessness and fickleness, their neuroses, hot buttons, hangups and vices. Or for that matter, those same things in myself.
For some time now I have just allowed life to be as it is rather than how I want it to be, and have quit depending on particular results. I roll with the punches. I adapt. And strangely, I'm more content that way. Your mileage may vary.
OP: In your opinion I did not answer the question as asked, in my opinion I did. You just don't happen to like how I answered it.
Since I wrote the question, my opinion is the one that matters. I proceeded to refresh what I said about wanting more detail, and you still didn't provide it - meaning that this isn't a simple misunderstanding; it is willful withholding of detail. That's your prerogative but again, it's a waste of everyone's time to answer a question in an insufficient way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
The reality of your question is that I *could* be homeless and living on the street, under a bridge or in a box on the beach and that would be my ideal life.
This is true. I have often thought that some homeless people could love it. It does seem to be a life of minimal responsibility, even if accompanied by minimal safety and some hassles of dealing with seasonal weather changes (though that could be mitigated by traveling from place to place, following nice weather all year round).
When I was a landlord, it seemed like I was constantly stressed out, and my deadbeat tenants who didn't have enough money to pay the rent (because they rarely worked), who lived in squalor because they refused to take care of their homes... seemed so carefree and happy. They never stressed about anything. Evict them for nonpayment of rent? Meh. Threaten to take them to court or mark their credit for having left me with a big cleanup job when they finally did leave? Meh. They never cared about any of it. (Maybe they all smoked pot.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
Your *assumption* than my or anyone else's ideal life involves being wealthy or having a job is just that *an Assumption*........
True. Hence why I asked for more details. Fail to provide details, and you fall prey to assumptions - from a lot of people, not just me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez
Their is no ideal life. Life is a combination of good and bad. It takes both to create happiness. People who have everything can be as happy or unhappy as people with nothing, and they are. A pint of rotgut and a place to sleep can be as precious to a homeless wino as a mansion, trophy wife, dozens of toys and pursuits can be to a billionaire. Good health doesn't create happiness either. You can be as happy or miserable with cancer as you can be with the body of an athlete.
The ideal life is one where you can create a bit of happiness with whatever is in front of you.
I don't agree with all of that. If someone put brussels sprouts, chocolate stout, vegemite, vinegar, and cream cheese in front of me, I could not make a meal that would taste good. I'd be hard-pressed to make a meal that'd taste good using even one of those ingredients - it'd have to be added in such small quantities that I couldn't taste it. The point is that, in my opinion at least, some people know what it takes to make them happy, and any deviation from that is going to be cause for significant unhappiness because they know that it shouldn't be that way. And I'm not just talking about things like "I didn't win the lottery" - really, most people don't care if they don't win the lottery. They wouldn't even mind working a job for a living. They just have to know, for example, that they are respected, paid well for their service, and looked upon as human beings rather than just numbers on a piece of paper.
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Aguilar
I just want a paid for $100K house (not too hard given current net worth) and a job at Taco Bell, to clarify.
What says you couldn't do it?
$100,000 house x 2% for property tax = $2,000 per year for the house.
Utilities - $2,500 per year. (Maybe less. Our house in certain areas would be worth as much as a million dollars, and we use less than $2,000 per year for all utilities combined.)
If you lived close to Taco Bell, you wouldn't have much (if any) commuting expense. Grocery bills might be cut way down from what they are now because you'd eat free food at Taco Bell and they might give you ingredients that they'd otherwise throw away because they're nearing the end of their useful life. Even at minimum wage you'd make $14,500 for working full time, and you'd get a hefty Earned Income Tax Credit... really, you could make it work if you had cheap tastes. (But you said your wife doesn't have cheap tastes...)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant
I left my "ideal" life (and my idealism) behind decades ago. Life sort of has a way of beating that out of you.
Some of my ideals were completely misguided and unrealistic. Others not so much, but still didn't take into account Other People, their fecklessness and fickleness, their neuroses, hot buttons, hangups and vices. Or for that matter, those same things in myself.
For some time now I have just allowed life to be as it is rather than how I want it to be, and have quit depending on particular results. I roll with the punches. I adapt. And strangely, I'm more content that way. Your mileage may vary.
I've adapted a lot, and it still seems that it's like chasing a dangling carrot. I've come to realize that the rich and powerful players of this game change the system so that "little guys" can't compete with them. That's one of the biggest problems with working. The deck is stacked heavily against you. If we all had a level playing field to work with, we'd see a lot more people being a lot more willing to work hard... and a lot less unhappiness.
My ideal life would be to live on some remote indonensian or South Pacific island village that is too far off the beaten path or otherwise not desireable for a plethora of tourists to gawk at.
I'd learn the native language, help around the village, help others, fish and otherwise do whatever had to be done. I'd have my own little hut and a homemade boat and bicycle to get around. I'd have no need for money as money would be next to worthless in the village. I wouldn't be concerned about making more $ as I would need none. My meals would come from the ocean or whatever we managed to hunt/gather or grow. A raw subsistence lifestyle in the purest of terms.
I would have no need for a car, gasoline or monthly bills. I wouldn't care who was president of the U.S., what the latest war we were engaged in, nor know who the Kardashians were.
I would have no uses for vices like drugs, alcohol, tabacco, television, caffeine and I definitely wouldn't own a smart phone or even a cell phone for that matter.
I would wake up early enough to watch the sunrise and eat a huge raw local breakfast every morning. I would take a 45 min nap everyday in a hammock under a palm tree.
I'd never be sent off to foriegn lands to bomb, maim and kill my peers who've done no wrong against me.
I wouldn't be concerned with keeping up with the joneses and I'd take great comfort in the fact that the joneses live thousands of miles away.
I'd paint, write and create music in my spare time.
I'd die of natural causes, unknowingly and peacefully in my sleep.
I'm not going into fantasy-land, I'll keep it attainable.
1) Probably living in an Airstream, if I can fit a bike into the bed of the Tundra I'd use to haul it (bike being a big Ducati or BMW). Do some national traveling for contract jobs, executive consulting roadshow. Work maybe seven months to a year, take time off to explore, repeat. I'm very good at finding work that pays very well.
I'll be a snowbird for the most part, though if working won't be able to always choose the where and when. Might take some planning and problem solving if, say, I'm in some oven like Tucson in the summer or a freezing hell like North Dakota (all of it) in the winter.
Minimalism being key, plus the opportunity to get out and hike (mostly) and explore new places. Often. Away from urban centers, but within maybe fifty-hundred miles.
I see what is happening to our cities, it is both inevitable and dystopian. Look to Lagos, Cairo, and Mexico City for our future. When I'm at that age, with retirement a possibility, I'll look forward to traveling such places as a spry old guy on foot (mass transit) or on a motorbike. I'm pretty spry now, at (almost) 50, so target is actually in sight.
OR I embrace all that and buy a studio condo downtown in such a place, rent a slot for my motorcycle, and refuse to own or operate a car ever again. They're not worth it in cities today. Some place with a vibrant market for what I do, so maybe downtown San Jose, SF, or San Diego if California doesn't continue to be a tax-hell social freakshow.
2) What stops me is paying off my house, which is scheduled for eleven years hence at which time I have millions of dollars in equity, which I'll liquidate (painful though it may be, I like it here). The pets will be dust at that point too, unfortunately, but that's just how long they live. Will probably be traveling ligther in the future, possibly with a Boston Terrier or something else that can watch the place (Airstream) while I'm working without causing too much ruckus.
This isn't a can't or won't situation. I "could" sell the house right now for a million bucks and start living the dream, doubling down by reinvesting my three quarter mil in equity into growth assets. Given rate of return on certain Seattle property, however, 6-10% annually, that would be freakin' insane while I'm working since it's one of my best-performing assets.
I'm a pharmacist. Great paying job (at the present time), but took mountains of debt to get there (I had a totally different mindset at the time I went into pharmacy; may not have taken that path if I had the views I have now).
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy
(And, for that matter, what stops you from working at a battlefield if you don't already?
Being able to pay my bills and live a lifestyle that is comfortable to me (though not ideal) prevents me from working at a battlefield. Beyond the idea that I would have absolutely not idea what I would do for a job there. I think park rangers need to have some kind of qualifications that I do not have right now. I know for sure they don't make as much as pharmacists do!
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy
Your information bar shows that you live in Gettysburg, and you did say you'd want to work for 10 hours a week anyway.
I'd want to work 10 hours a week if I were independently wealthy, but unfortunately I'm not. My lifestyle right now has a lot of ideal aspects and it is very comfortable. If I were to quit my job and go this route to work on a battlefield, I would get the same: ideal aspects but not reaching the point of it being ideal the way I described it: I may get my time on *a* battlefield (which would be nice, but I'd like to travel to different ones), but I would not be able to live comfortably as I do with a nice amount of extra spending money to indulge in different hobbies like gardening and crafts and stuff like that.
So, the point where I'm at, I'm not able to get to that ideal life. But that's okay with me. I'm wildly more fortunate due to the mercy of God than a great majority of the people on this earth. And based on my religious beliefs, this world is passing away so those who have much now are not really the fortunate ones. I've been told first-hand accounts of people living in poverty who have spiritual wealth beyond my wildest dreams. I *wish* I could be more distanced from this world so that this could be what my goal is. But, it's not; I'm too steeped in the comforts of this life to willingly give that up.
My dreams are not far out of touch with reality however, at least, as the world stands at the moment. My husband and I are working on a practical business plan which I don't care to divulge right now, but it may lead us to more financial freedom (though won't happen for at least a good 5 to 10 years). Also, there's light at the end of the tunnel for the loans, praise the Lord. So if he wills that to continue, there will be that weight off my shoulders too.
One other comment I'd like to make, regarding your discussion with another poster (or a couple of them, not sure who was involved) regarding mental illness and depression: I had suffered from intermittent depression for many years, yet there never seemed to be a cause (at least, in most recent years) for it since I was living a very pleasant life to me; by no means perfect, but just what I had described: comfortable to me on many levels. That illness has been dealt with by an anti-depressant, so it was definitely due to some chemical levels being off. Ever since starting it, I no longer have to deal with those grievous lows I'd battled before. So, depression can definitely be a situational thing for people, maybe for most of them; but for me, it was a physical illness (likely due to periods of low seratonin levels).
Last edited by Basiliximab; 12-21-2016 at 06:08 AM..
Since I wrote the question, my opinion is the one that matters. I proceeded to refresh what I said about wanting more detail, and you still didn't provide it - meaning that this isn't a simple misunderstanding; it is willful withholding of detail. That's your prerogative but again, it's a waste of everyone's time to answer a question in an insufficient way.
This is true. I have often thought that some homeless people could love it. It does seem to be a life of minimal responsibility, even if accompanied by minimal safety and some hassles of dealing with seasonal weather changes (though that could be mitigated by traveling from place to place, following nice weather all year round).
When I was a landlord, it seemed like I was constantly stressed out, and my deadbeat tenants who didn't have enough money to pay the rent (because they rarely worked), who lived in squalor because they refused to take care of their homes... seemed so carefree and happy. They never stressed about anything. Evict them for nonpayment of rent? Meh. Threaten to take them to court or mark their credit for having left me with a big cleanup job when they finally did leave? Meh. They never cared about any of it. (Maybe they all smoked pot.)
True. Hence why I asked for more details. Fail to provide details, and you fall prey to assumptions - from a lot of people, not just me.
I don't agree with all of that. If someone put brussels sprouts, chocolate stout, vegemite, vinegar, and cream cheese in front of me, I could not make a meal that would taste good. I'd be hard-pressed to make a meal that'd taste good using even one of those ingredients - it'd have to be added in such small quantities that I couldn't taste it. The point is that, in my opinion at least, some people know what it takes to make them happy, and any deviation from that is going to be cause for significant unhappiness because they know that it shouldn't be that way. And I'm not just talking about things like "I didn't win the lottery" - really, most people don't care if they don't win the lottery. They wouldn't even mind working a job for a living. They just have to know, for example, that they are respected, paid well for their service, and looked upon as human beings rather than just numbers on a piece of paper.
What says you couldn't do it?
$100,000 house x 2% for property tax = $2,000 per year for the house.
Utilities - $2,500 per year. (Maybe less. Our house in certain areas would be worth as much as a million dollars, and we use less than $2,000 per year for all utilities combined.)
If you lived close to Taco Bell, you wouldn't have much (if any) commuting expense. Grocery bills might be cut way down from what they are now because you'd eat free food at Taco Bell and they might give you ingredients that they'd otherwise throw away because they're nearing the end of their useful life. Even at minimum wage you'd make $14,500 for working full time, and you'd get a hefty Earned Income Tax Credit... really, you could make it work if you had cheap tastes. (But you said your wife doesn't have cheap tastes...)
I've adapted a lot, and it still seems that it's like chasing a dangling carrot. I've come to realize that the rich and powerful players of this game change the system so that "little guys" can't compete with them. That's one of the biggest problems with working. The deck is stacked heavily against you. If we all had a level playing field to work with, we'd see a lot more people being a lot more willing to work hard... and a lot less unhappiness.
You know, you could save yourself some time and bang your head against the wall a few times each time you consider the possibility of attempting to enter into an adult discussion with CSD610. Same outcome with less effort.
I have believed for a long time that a lot of what we call "mental illness" or other undesirable mental conditions are created by poor societal conditions, and/or perceived inability to live the kind of life we want to live.
Thus I have a simple pair of questions for y'all, in the name of trying to figure out if there is a disconnect between people's reality and their ideal life, and how large it is if there is one.
1) What is your idea of the life you would most love to live? Be as detailed as you can be.
2) What basic conditions of your current life don't match the conditions of your ideal life, and why do you feel that you cannot make those conditions ideal right now?
Looking forward to a lively discussion!
1) My idea is to work somewhere in a mountain town, preferably North East . See every season change, colors, snow , rain and wind and have a sense of community.
I have what I think is called a server (servant) mentality. It makes me happy to do things for people. I would be happier if I had a lot more money. My lifestyle wouldn't change much, it's already pretty good, but it would make me so happy if I could afford to see a need and fulfill it.
I'd pay for wells in Africa, I'd buy cars for struggling people, I'd pay for my grandchildren's, and other deserving kids, college expenses. Things like that...to see a need and fix it would make me happy.
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