Drive - how do some people get it, and others don't? (depressed, girlfriend)
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Over the weekend, one my ex's called up and whining and complaining about the limited economic opportunities here. She graduated college a couple years back and was intending to go to law school, but her mother passed away in 2013 and she want into some sort of a funk, and IMO, hasn't gotten over it. She never went to law school, and worked at a clothing store for a few years after college. She's made her way into a bank teller role, but hems and haws about leaving Tennessee, but has never done anything about it. She is overweight and talks about getting more active and eating better, but again, nothing. There is just no agency there. She doesn't clean her car or home well, etc. - just seems to have no drive.
A guy I used to work with in the same town is one of the most driven people I know. He is a serious exercise enthusiast, and would make meals on Sunday to last through Wednesday, and would eat many of the same dishes routinely at his desk, at the same time. Hardly ever misses a work out. He dated a girl from China for several years, and was determined to learn her language. They ended up breaking up, but he's kept going with the language studies, having taught English for a year, and has now find a new Chinese girlfriend, and is living and working in China in a "native's lifestyle." He puts tremendous effort into everything he does.
What do you think causes such disparities in agency and drive?
In your first example, that sounds more like depression rather than a lack of drive. The person obtained a college degree, which does take a certain amount of drive. I do find it comical that you gloss over the fact that she graduated from college but consider her to lack drive because she did not attend law school.
Regarding your question, I have wondered this myself. What makes people driven?
Two children can come from the same household and have different amounts of drive, so I doubt that it is as cut and dried as 'upbringing'.
From what I have seen with my kids, it is not inherent or genetic. Something creates it.
good example is my oldest son. He had little drive. Maybe none. Did not want to do much or at least not really willing to make the effort to excel. Then he joined crew. He was the worst member of the team, but for whatever reason he kept plugging away at it. He learned to run a mile, then two, then ten. . . He got faster on the erg and mostly pushed to excel at moving the boat through the water. He lost over 40 pounds of fat, became one of the best lightweight rowers in the country, and is the most driven rower most of his coaches have ever seen.
In additional to the tons of team gold medals (including national championships) he was regularly awarded team inside awards for hardest working, most driven, etc. Now he is gunning for the Olympics and despite being short (big handicap for crew) and severely asthmatic, his drive could possibly get him there.
That drive from crew spilled over into other aspects of his life, C and D report cards became A and A report cards. He became the top student in his autoshop class. He took an interest in driving, and practiced and practiced until he became the best driver I know. He ended up with an academic scholarship for engineering.
Where did it come from? It was not there, then Poof - it was.
Another daughter has always been extremely driven. However I am pretty sure I know where that came from. She was the second born twin. Thus whenever we lined up or did things in birth order, she was second. Sick of being second al the time, nothing would satisfy her but first place, lead roles, solos in choir, she was devastated when she got an A minus in an AP class and ended her shot at class valedictorian.
I do not think it was a genetic thing. Her identical twin sister is not as driven, the only explanation we know of is she hated being number 2.
From what I have seen with my kids, it is not inherent or genetic. Something creates it.
good example is my oldest son. He had little drive. Maybe none. Did not want to do much or at least not really willing to make the effort to excel. Then he joined crew. He was the worst member of the team, but for whatever reason he kept plugging away at it. He learned to run a mile, then two, then ten. . . He got faster on the erg and mostly pushed to excel at moving the boat through the water. He lost over 40 pounds of fat, became one of the best lightweight rowers in the country, and is the most driven rower most of his coaches have ever seen.
In additional to the tons of team gold medals (including national championships) he was regularly awarded team inside awards for hardest working, most driven, etc. Now he is gunning for the Olympics and despite being short (big handicap for crew) and severely asthmatic, his drive could possibly get him there.
That drive from crew spilled over into other aspects of his life, C and D report cards became A and A report cards. He became the top student in his autoshop class. He took an interest in driving, and practiced and practiced until he became the best driver I know. He ended up with an academic scholarship for engineering.
Where did it come from? It was not there, then Poof - it was.
Another daughter has always been extremely driven. However I am pretty sure I know where that came from. She was the second born twin. Thus whenever we lined up or did things in birth order, she was second. Sick of being second al the time, nothing would satisfy her but first place, lead roles, solos in choir, she was devastated when she got an A minus in an AP class and ended her shot at class valedictorian.
I do not think it was a genetic thing. Her identical twin sister is not as driven, the only explanation we know of is she hated being number 2.
Good post. I wonder if the individual themselves know?
In your first example, that sounds more like depression rather than a lack of drive. The person obtained a college degree, which does take a certain amount of drive. I do find it comical that you gloss over the fact that she graduated from college but consider her to lack drive because she did not attend law school.
Regarding your question, I have wondered this myself. What makes people driven?
Two children can come from the same household and have different amounts of drive, so I doubt that it is as cut and dried as 'upbringing'.
I do think there is some depression there and probably a couple of issues balled up together.
It's not the not going to law school that is disappointing - it is the constant whining and crying about how her life sucks. There's no drive, whether it's going back to school to retrain in something marketable or moving to an area with a better job market, to do anything at all.
Over the weekend, one my ex's called up and whining and complaining about the limited economic opportunities here. She graduated college a couple years back and was intending to go to law school, but her mother passed away in 2013 and she want into some sort of a funk, and IMO, hasn't gotten over it. She never went to law school, and worked at a clothing store for a few years after college. She's made her way into a bank teller role, but hems and haws about leaving Tennessee, but has never done anything about it. She is overweight and talks about getting more active and eating better, but again, nothing. There is just no agency there. She doesn't clean her car or home well, etc. - just seems to have no drive.
A guy I used to work with in the same town is one of the most driven people I know. He is a serious exercise enthusiast, and would make meals on Sunday to last through Wednesday, and would eat many of the same dishes routinely at his desk, at the same time. Hardly ever misses a work out. He dated a girl from China for several years, and was determined to learn her language. They ended up breaking up, but he's kept going with the language studies, having taught English for a year, and has now find a new Chinese girlfriend, and is living and working in China in a "native's lifestyle." He puts tremendous effort into everything he does.
What do you think causes such disparities in agency and drive?
Look at their parents, cousins or neighbors. A successful person had some solid mentorship, or have good instruction and encouragement from someone...Rare is the person who just "Came up with it all on their own"
I do think there is some depression there and probably a couple of issues balled up together.
It's not the not going to law school that is disappointing - it is the constant whining and crying about how her life sucks. There's no drive, whether it's going back to school to retrain in something marketable or moving to an area with a better job market, to do anything at all.
Yeah, that sounds like depression to me (I am not a doctor - but I am being treated for depression). When you are depressed, you do not have any motivation at all - that is one of the symptoms. So is ruminating on what is wrong with your life.
Death of a loved one is one of life's major stressors. It's not surprising.
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