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If your kids are little, which I assume they are, you are in the trenches now. Hang in there! Before you know it, you'll have more and and more time as they can do more things for themselves.
And you're only 30! Look on the bright side of having kids young. Your kids will be making themselves sandwiches while some of your peers will be just thinking about going off the Pill
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
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I think you've kind of got "referred pain" here. (Like, you perceive your jaw hurts but really it's an ear infection).
Your last very heart felt thread was stressful. You have a very very difficult baby and your wife who is staying at home full time isn't coping and is threatening suicide, and is unable to function.
Those two things - a small baby who isn't sleeping and seems to have some undiagnosed difficulty, and a wife who has checked out are enough to completely kill the quality of your life.
If you came home from work and your wife was basically happy, your baby wasn't screaming several times during the night, there was a simple dinner on the table and a couple loads of laundry done, you wouldn't be feeling this stressed about your schedule.
I think you're stressed about your wife and baby, and you're referring that pain. Because it's easier to be frustrated at your schedule than it is to be frustrated with your wife, whom you obviously love very much.
BTW - any progress on the baby, and getting testing done to determine if there's a problem?
Op - I can certainly relate! For a few months a year, I work a lot of hours and have little time for what I like to do. After a while it builds resentment, not to mention it can affect your mood when you are so exhausted. Add to this the challenges of raising a family, and you can certainly lose sight of how to add balance to your life. My suggestion is to get your work hours under control. If long hours are the culture and there's no way around it, find a better job otherwise your health will suffer.
Perhaps get some counseling for another perspective on your life and how you might straighten it out.
As for comparing it to HS years...the next time you will have that much flexibility is retirement. But you should try to keep perspective on these years...they can be some of your best memories, but you have to get the balance right.
I wish you well. Let us know how things are going.
Sorry for the late reply. I totally forgot to come back and check this because I think my initial post was buried and had no responses, but it looks like it got moved to a more appropriate forum and voila, responses. Some really great advice in here for which I'm very grateful.
A lot of people commenting on the 9-12 hour work days things, and I agree totally with you all, it's not a good thing... The worst part is that it's actually a 40 hour/week job, but there's other factors that bump it up quite a bit. I have a 30 minute commute each way, so there's an hour. My company also automatically deducts a half hour from your time for a mandatory break, even if you work through lunch. Where I live, it's state law that hourly employees be given a 30 minute break for lunch that is recorded, whether paid or not. My company does not pay it. So right there we're already up to a 9.5 hour day. Then creeps in the times I have to stay a little later (I work at a 24 hour business) or I need to work overtime. That averages out to another 0.5 per day, so now I have a 10 hour work day. Lastly, my job requires me to wear formal clothing and it's fairly important to look good, so that usually adds on another 30 extra minutes for getting into dress clothes with a tie, fixing hair, grooming my beard, making sure to really be all prim and proper, all of which is stuff that I wouldn't do otherwise. (Much easier to throw on jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers like I could in past jobs!) All and all, 10-11 hours a day dedicated to work and yes, I would love for it to be different. The sad part about all of this is that this is what corporate American truly has become, and there's few other routes to go. Start your own business, and you'll be spending even more time getting it off the ground, though the payoff can be excellent in the long term. Go into different lines of work, but the pay often isn't there. Truly sad this has become the culture of work in America.
Anyway, definitely need to see what I can do to make this better, though my options are limited right now since I live in a fairly rural area. Working on it....
Also, yes, we have a new baby in the house, our first child. Was very planned and we both felt more than ready for it (and we also knew we wanted to have our children while younger rather than when older - though the latter MAY have worked better for us). In short though, parenting was a bigger challenge than either of us ever expected. We did all the classes, training, a million and one anecdotal stories but it did nothing to truly prepare us for being first time parents, it was shell shock. For us, the big challenge was having a very high energy, never sleeping baby. Still no diagnosis or issues found, peds think we just have a very explorative and adventurous baby full of energy... it happens. We always joke because both my wife and I are very laid back homebodies, and life gave us this crazy bundle of energy for a son... man, what is life trying to say to us? Anyway, we struggled with the lack of time thing well before the baby, but yes, the baby has done nothing to help the situation and instead just amped the challenge up from 10 to 11.
I also get that yes, I signed up for a family, a home, a baby, and yes, the golden shackles are more in place than ever. I'm terribly conflicted because really I would love to go into a different line of work I'm more passionate about, or even venture out and start my own business, but doing so puts all these things I currently have at risk of being lost. And you know what, they are important to me. I love being a homeowner. I love my wife. I love my son. I love having health insurance. I love having some PTO days. I love knowing I'll get a check for a certain amount every pay period. The stability this all provides is wonderful. Now to figure out how to eventually make it work so I can have more time to do things I like too!
As for things we're looking into right now, we're considering starting to outsource work such as cleaning, lawn care, and maybe hiring a baby sitter or putting the kid into day care a couple days a week. Sad to see the money go, but that I can get back eventually... the time though... that is gone forever so I best start making the most of it now instead of living in a dazed blur! We also implemented some time saving practices like prepping all our food for the week on one day, running errands and shopping after work before coming home (it makes a hell of a long day, but worth it I think), and trying to keep things tidier in the moment rather than doing a big clean once a week. Been a little challenging to keep up, but I definitely see the benefits when we get it working and are consistent with it. Some people just say to relax and let the messes pile up and the errands go undone, but I can't live my life like that!
Last edited by the_grimace; 07-24-2017 at 10:32 PM..
You are definitely not alone, but is not something people often openly discuss, I have found. While I don't have a family and that kind of pressure, my recent post "overwhelmed by life" discusses how the simple things in life ( meaning our own basic needs) are made so much harder when working a full time, draining job. I am 28, a couple years out of grad school, and still trying to figure it all out. Seems so overwhelming but with a little more time I'm hoping the balance will come. I haven't been able to enjoy hobbies or even maintain friendships do this difficult transition into adulthood! Props to you for raising a family and I hope you and your wife achieve your balance soon. Most importsntly, make time for each other now even if it costs you money. Never stop dating your wife
I'm 28 and I finally realized how true the saying what we own ends up owning us...
I realized this when I bought a condo in my late 40's, sold it 5 yrs later. It became an albatross around my neck...I learned to live simply and prioritize what is important and what is NOT. I love calling the lordlord for repairs in my apt. I'm close to 79.
Hopefully you are making really good money working 10-12 hour days in what sounds like a soul crushing job. You're working so much you now have to hire out child care, cleaning and landscaping duties? That's crazy. I'd find a new job or start my own unless they are paying you 100k+ a year.
If you're baby is over 8 months old or so, let him/her "cry it out" at night. All my kids would wake up every 2-3 hours until I did this. It only takes 2-3 nights and the baby will learn to sleep through the whole night. No matter how much the baby cries at night don't let your wife go an try and feed/comfort him. Works everytime. Then at least your wife and you will be getting some sleep. Sleep is your friend.
You've also fallen into the mortgage, work as much as possible to pay for all this stuff trap. Good luck escaping that one.
I struggled with work/life balance my entire life, especially as a single working mother of two. Not just parenting, work and chores but finding time to nurture friendships, to get regular exercise, to care for my parents, etc.
I'm turning 60 this year. My kids are grown, I have remarried, and my life balance has improved a great deal. I intentionally keep my life simple. We live in a small house. I do not have pets, heck, I don't even have any houseplants.
I work for myself now. Long hours, yes, but I enjoy it, and I love not waking up to an alarm clock. I rise whenever I wake naturally, which is my most favorite thing about working for myself. Life is pretty good right now.
Still, I consider those hurried, hectic years raising my family as the most important, most rewarding years of my life. Keep things in perspective because it will all be over before you know it. Try to appreciate the small triumphs in your daily life. Let go of the things that don't really matter. All the best to you.
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Some really great advice in here for which I'm very grateful. 
