How to stop being negative

[rmm0484]

Originally Posted by BellaLind

Sometimes, after I talk to my boyfriend or my mom, I look back at the conversation and feel like I basically complained too much. I always seem to realize this after the fact. What are some ways one can prepare before a conversation to not dump negative stuff on another person?

Prime example. An old friend that I’ve distanced myself from said something to me that I thought was over the top. I told my boyfriend and said, “can you believe that?” But he took it as it was something really bothering me because I mentioned it. I thought I was just making conversation and didn’t realize how negative it was... how I was basically complaining... until he said something. I’ve also complained about pain (I had surgery on a broken bone a month ago and it’s still healing). I sometimes talk about difficult people I’ve had to deal with in the course of my day, etc.

Anyway, I try to make a conscious effort to talk about the positive too including things that are going well and funny stories about my day... but the negative just creeps up on me. I’m still going to experience and think these things, but I want to stop taking to people about them.

Like I said, the main victims of this tend to be my boyfriend and mom because I am pretty close to both and talk to both every day. I suppose I do this to my brother as well and to a lesser degree a couple of friends at work (I only share the work stuff with them).

All these people dump on me too, but I just feel like I want to do it less and be more positive. Thanks!

For a long time, I had a free floating anger about everything, and everyone. One day in my 40's, I decided that I was not going to feel this way anymore, and it departed. Perhaps I had reason for this anger (very poor family background), but it was not helping me. Prior to this, I made fun of others, and was not a nice person in general (not that I am so great now).