Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The person I know that can't stand being alone, you may think of as an extrovert but in reality she is extremely insecure, thinks very little of herself and simply can't be happy with just herself for company.
It's not so much that she enjoys other people, she needs them.
That would be an extrovert.
Introvert/Extrovert is not defined by how successfully sociable a person is. There is a guy who works with me here who is very much an extrovert, but he's socially awkward as hell. It winds up making him the local jokebutt, which I'm sure he minds, but he can't help himself.
I'm an introvert, and I've become very successfully sociable since high school. However, the pursuits I most enjoy are solitary, I don't mind spending time alone, I'm comfortable in my own company.
Is a person who doesn't call anyone on the phone, but sometimes enjoys the talk when someone calls them, a true introvert? Or would a true introvert not answer the phone?
Probably depends on who is calling.
I rarely place calls unless it's necessary to convey information for some purpose. I don't particularly care receiving social calls.
OTOH, I don't mind at all talking to people involved in the same special interests as mine. But then I'm just as happy to wander away from them and go home.
Wait is missing your parents loneliness? I miss my dead parents too but that i because I miss them. No other person will ever replace them.
Yeh I don't believe that. Just like the studies that say we will all die unless we aren't lonely... it makes no sense that only 5% of the population would be introverts. Just more societal bias. I would guess more like 65 /35 with a margin of error of 10%.
I actually think it’s an arc. Most people are not entirely one or the other, but fall at different points on the arc. To say you’re either an introvert or an extrovert is as ridiculous as saying you’re either smart or you’re dumb, or you’re either beautiful or you’re ugly. It’s a continuum.
I like many aspects of Buddhism, but one aspect does trip me up---and that's the emphasis on sangha (saying that people can learn and live Buddhism best through community). One of the aspects that appealed to me was how insular it seemed---that you didn't have to deal with a church social hour and committees! I suppose the right sangha would be rewarding, but would be very difficult for me to find. I am currently reading a book called Me and the Monks where a woman goes on a 40 day meditation retreat in France. She describes some of her fellow pilgrims in not-so-glowing terms (people are critical of each other to the point of being insulting, aren't interested in getting to know anyone else, and even steal stuff like someone's headphones to listen to a lecture). The idea is to maintain equanimity and still have some love and compassion for people, who like us, are less than perfect----but I would have been totally bummed out that I traveled all that distance and paid all that money just to be with people who weren't behaving any differently than they would in their local WalMart or driving. To get back to the OP, it would have made me very lonely that, even in a specialized setting like that where people were ostensibly there to be their best selves and sharing a common purpose, people behaved in a way that to me is a slap to my soul.
That's so interesting. I'd love to get a link to this story? I wonder if this wasn't Thich Nhat Hanh's group in Plum Village? [ https://plumvillage.org ]
Thich Nhat Hanh supports animal rights and veganism:
Quote:
Thich Nhat Hanh, a renowned Buddhist leader, has long taught that compassion to animals is a vital part of a spiritual lifestyle. His words on the importance of preserving our planet and all of its species hold a vital lesson, not just to those of us who may be Buddhist, but to anyone who wants to live a more sustainable, kind life.
I actually think it’s an arc. Most people are not entirely one or the other, but fall at different points on the arc. To say you’re either an introvert or an extrovert is as ridiculous as saying you’re either smart or you’re dumb, or you’re either beautiful or you’re ugly. It’s a continuum.
Some people are far enough to one side or the other of every continuum to name it and claim it.
Some people are far enough to one side or the other of every continuum to name it and claim it.
Yes, I agree. But there seems to be a need here to put people in one category or the other, and I don't think extremes apply to most people. For instance with me, despite my loner tendencies, I have pretty severe ADHD, and it will often cause me to talk a LOT when around people I am comfortable with. OR when I am really nervous (I would be horrible on trial, lol)
Then a person who sees that might say "you're not an introvert!!" because I am talking a lot. Because they think it means one end of an extreme, and if you exhibit even one trait from the "extrovert list" it means you are an extrovert. And people think of extroversion in extreme terms as well. if you consider yourself an extrovert, than it automatically means you cannot ever want to be alone period. None of these are true. Most people exhibit traits of both depending where they are and what the circumstances are.
I based this comment upon a study I read many years ago from the Myers and Briggs Learning Inventory. Apparently people that tested with them showed the ration of extroverts was the percentages I quoted. A more recent study from others in the industry show it being 50% to 75% are extroverts. They still far outnumber introverts.
I know tons of introverts. 50% isn't "far outnumbered" so... Also, not everyone has taken the Myers-Briggs. I'm not sure if there is a way to really know what those figures are with any accuracy at all.
As someone else mentioned too, an introvert isn't necessarily someone who CAN'T be successfully social or who never wants to. There are some introverts who really prefer to live as isolated a life as possible, but most I have known crave maybe one partner-level companion, or they are happy enough to live with a family, and maybe just a few close friends...but they TREASURE their alone time when they can get it, because they "recharge" that way.
The important distinction is, if someone goes to a party and has a good time, does it make them feel drained and exhausted, or does it make them feel charged up and energized? That's a good measure of whether one is on one side or the other.
I enjoy alone time and solitary activities. I like peace and quiet. But I also love people and groups. Left alone too long, I feel restless and unhappy. I reach a point where I cannot focus on anything and I drift around my house like a little ghost, all fussy and anxious. This is a good indicator that my extrovert needs aren't being met, that I should go get some "people time." And when I do? I sometimes say that it "resets me."
I know an introvert who is a very successful salesman. He shmoozes with all kinds of charm and charisma with other people all day. But it is WORK for him, and when he gets home, all he wants to do is be left alone for a few hours to recharge. He certainly would rather not be dragged to a party on his own time.
And I am in a relationship with an introvert. I keep in my head a cast of hundreds of people, I know their names and faces and a bit of bio on every one of them. Often I'll mention some bit of story about someone I talked to that day and I'll be like, "he's the one who got in the motorcycle wreck" and my boyfriend is thankful for the context (I have to remind him, as he won't keep track of lots of people like that) but...I find it fun and rewarding to know all of these people, and to him it sounds like an insane amount of exhausting work. We joke that he can have a big social life, he's just outsourced the management of it to me.
But before I came into his life, while he had friends and acquaintances, he was definitely lonely for affectionate companionship.
Obviously, this is a personal opinion sort of question, but I would have to say "No". Loneliness does not mostly affect extroverts (vs introverts). I think that often, an introvert will not recognize loneliness as well as an extrovert might, but I don't think it is connected to extro/intro-version. One is an extrovert or an introvert because one gets an emotional charge, call it joy, or happiness, from interacting with people, or not. For introverts, interacting with other people is a chore - a negative draw on energy - but going without interaction they still get lonely.
An introvert may get all the contact they need from sitting in the same room with someone they know and care for. No need to speak, just knowing the person is there can be sufficient.
I would think, actually, that, if anything, an extrovert is less likely to be lonely, as they are more likely to actively seek companionship.
I think introverts recognize loneliness as well as anyone. They get lonely just like any one else when their needs aren't met, it's just that their needs are much smaller and easier to fulfill when it comes to socializing. I think that's the part of 'does it affect extroverts more' being asked about. Extroverts spend more of their energy trying to fulfill that need for contact, so in that sense it does affect them more.
I'm not entirely sure loneliness is the correct word here anyway. I'm very introverted but I work with the public so I see lots of people all day long, yet I still get feelings of loneliness when I haven't connected for a while with people that matter to me. I imagine that it holds true for extroverts too, they could socialize until the cows come home but if it's never with people who matter to them they would still feel lonely too.
I think introverts recognize loneliness as well as anyone. They get lonely just like any one else when their needs aren't met, it's just that their needs are much smaller and easier to fulfill when it comes to socializing. I think that's the part of 'does it affect extroverts more' being asked about. Extroverts spend more of their energy trying to fulfill that need for contact, so in that sense it does affect them more.
I'm not entirely sure loneliness is the correct word here anyway. I'm very introverted but I work with the public so I see lots of people all day long, yet I still get feelings of loneliness when I haven't connected for a while with people that matter to me. I imagine that it holds true for extroverts too, they could socialize until the cows come home but if it's never with people who matter to them they would still feel lonely too.
I think you can be lonelier with other people around than alone. I felt more alone when I was out on the boardwalk getting ice cream or playing pinball and everyone else was with someone and I was not. I felt lonelier living with with my workaholic ex, who wasn’t “there” even when he was there, than I did when I left and had no one.
I think introverts recognize loneliness as well as anyone. They get lonely just like any one else when their needs aren't met, it's just that their needs are much smaller and easier to fulfill when it comes to socializing. I think that's the part of 'does it affect extroverts more' being asked about. Extroverts spend more of their energy trying to fulfill that need for contact, so in that sense it does affect them more.
I'm not entirely sure loneliness is the correct word here anyway. I'm very introverted but I work with the public so I see lots of people all day long, yet I still get feelings of loneliness when I haven't connected for a while with people that matter to me. I imagine that it holds true for extroverts too, they could socialize until the cows come home but if it's never with people who matter to them they would still feel lonely too.
I don't know that an introvert's needs for connection are easier to fulfill at all.
I can be fulfilled with many contacts of a light engagement. No one has to devote a ton of time or effort to me, I can hang in a group at a gathering and get what I need.
The introverts I know have fewer people they even want to talk to, but those few, they sometimes need a lot of close contact and deep connection with at times.
If we put it in terms of "emotional labor" that we get from our friends, family, and others...I tend to get a little bit from each of many people, some introverts get a lot from only a few. Those who are not total loners, that is....those I've known who really are, are often bitter and/or vulnerable and actually do crave connection, and sometimes if I offer a "light level" connection, they have grabbed on and tried to turn it into a "heavy level" connection, when I did not want them to...and I've been discomforted. Which is where some of the social awkwardness of the lonely introvert can come into play, when they aren't used to managing contacts at various boundary-levels, and take my genuine friendliness as an offer for a serious bond...too much, too soon, for me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
