any adults on the (autism) spectrum here? (anxiety, husband, issues)

[buildings_and_bridges]

I wanted to create this thread because I read through the one with the Psychology Today article discussing rising cases of autism. I had nothing to add to that thread, but I was very interested and realized I had questions that belonged in a different thread.

Does anyone here have any type of autism? I only know a couple of adults with autism, but I don't spend much time around them because they don't live near me.

So, without sounding strange, how is it, getting along in a word of neurotypicals? What do people tend not to understand but you wish they would? Do people you encounter behave insensitively without realizing it?

I'm interested in the answers because I'm a public librarian who works primarily with adults and teens. The only regular patrons we have that we know are on the spectrum happen to be kids.

[JerZ]

Yes, probably. According to two psychs and one neurologist. I did not pursue an actual DX as I was functioning well (did not suspect this until I was well into adulthood even though my symptoms were, looking back, on the drastic side) and as an adult, just the intake assessment group of tests exceeded $800 (not covered by insurance). Forget it, LOL.

How is it getting along in a world of neurotypicals: I truly believe people want to be kind to one another but when someone is "weird" we/they (this is autistic people too, IMO) tend to back off a little. That's always sad. I can "act" (through self-training, literally decades of it) social, friendly, and so on and I WANT to make connections, and actually, I do...but usually with people who are a bit "off," like myself. It hurts to be going along in a way that I think is just fine and then suddenly get that look...the one that says "wait, that was weird, that JerZ just said/did that."

Sometimes I realize what I did/said "wrong" and other times it is literally a mystery. It's weird that what works once, in one situation, with one person, using one tone of voice, and one set of mannerisms will seem just somehow "off" in the next situation, and I don't necessarily ever realize why.

It can be like looking through a glass at another world and knowing I can see and hear that world but I'm not really "inside" it and never will be. Sometimes it feels like there's this "club" and I was never invited to join and they know all these secret rules that I'll never know.

What I do realize, all these years later, having gone through all the bullying as the child and all the issues even today, is that because people aren't mind-readers, I HAVE TO be the one to reach out and try to understand neurotypicals. They don't want to be nervous about people who are different. They don't want to automatically dislike someone, including someone like me. They do in fact like to understand but they can't be expected to be these fantastic, superior people who will be gently understanding and accepting of every single thing a non-neurotypical says and does. I don't expect that of myself so how can I expect that of them?

I have spent the majority of my life trying to understand other people. As a result, I'm fascinated with psychology.

Sometimes - often - I've been very frightened of being "discovered" as different or "weird" by the NT world, and I always have been, even before I knew there was a distinction (which is sometimes blurry, BTW...there isn't necessarily some thick line between NT and autistic). I've come close to losing jobs over it, actually, I did lose a job or two over it even though I'm one hell of a serious worker. Some things just overwhelm me and particularly years ago, when there was less understanding of one another in general, just seeming "off" somehow could cost a person her job, easily. Yet I have functioned, so to speak. I've worked, supported a family and so on. It can be done but I have high anxiety a lot of the time.

I blame nobody; and I do realize what I do have. I'm not blind, I have both my legs, I'm not intellectually delayed, I have a husband and children, I have the ability to work.

Peace out!

[picardlx]

I got something. Accidentally came across some old childhood medical reports consistent with being ankle or knee deep, made me feel less crazy. But what good is going to do now, if I got a dx. I'm screwed up. Too late.

[At Arms Length]

Originally Posted by JerZ

I can "act" (through self-training, literally decades of it) social, friendly, and so on and I WANT to make connections, and actually, I do...but usually with people who are a bit "off," like myself. It hurts to be going along in a way that I think is just fine and then suddenly get that look...the one that says "wait, that was weird, that JerZ just said/did that."

Sometimes I realize what I did/said "wrong" and other times it is literally a mystery. It's weird that what works once, in one situation, with one person, using one tone of voice, and one set of mannerisms will seem just somehow "off" in the next situation, and I don't necessarily ever realize why.

It can be like looking through a glass at another world and knowing I can see and hear that world but I'm not really "inside" it and never will be. Sometimes it feels like there's this "club" and I was never invited to join and they know all these secret rules that I'll never know.

What I do realize, all these years later, having gone through all the bullying as the child and all the issues even today, is that because people aren't mind-readers, I HAVE TO be the one to reach out and try to understand neurotypicals. They don't want to be nervous about people who are different. They don't want to automatically dislike someone, including someone like me. They do in fact like to understand but they can't be expected to be these fantastic, superior people who will be gently understanding and accepting of every single thing a non-neurotypical says and does. I don't expect that of myself so how can I expect that of them?

I have spent the majority of my life trying to understand other people. As a result, I'm fascinated with psychology.

Sometimes - often - I've been very frightened of being "discovered" as different or "weird" by the NT world, and I always have been, even before I knew there was a distinction (which is sometimes blurry, BTW...there isn't necessarily some thick line between NT and autistic). I've come close to losing jobs over it, actually, I did lose a job or two over it even though I'm one hell of a serious worker. Some things just overwhelm me and particularly years ago, when there was less understanding of one another in general, just seeming "off" somehow could cost a person her job, easily. Yet I have functioned, so to speak. I've worked, supported a family and so on. It can be done but I have high anxiety a lot of the time.

I identify strongly with all the bolded stuff. Don't know if I'm on the spectrum officially; I have some symptoms of classic Asperger's and a lot of what I've picked up in the way of social skills is all predicated on observation and study. But I am very anxious of getting formally diagnosed; you can wave the ADA around all day, but my career would end if I was diagnosed on the spectrum and my present/future employers found out.


My social-world metaphor: trying to play a game of chess while not knowing what the rules are or what any of the pieces do. Make a wrong move, and other people flip the board over and walk off, leaving me trying to figure out how what I did was wrong.

[Dylanperr]

Im a teenager with Autism.