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He can be nice and friendly and can get people to like him. I have seen that. He also was nice to me, except when he wasn't.
Everyone has a good and a bad side. Everyone likes some people and doesn't like others.
Some people will believe him, if he lies about me. I don't know what kind of lies he would tell. Maybe he will say he couldn't get along with me because I am difficult.
Maybe he won't bother lying about me. I don't know. Maybe people will see he is a liar. But I don't know.
I knew someone like that about 15 years ago.
Was super sweet and talked in a high voice and everyone thought she was just a little frosted cupcake sugar pie.
Meanwhile, I thought she sounded fake and two-faced.
Well, she had everyone fooled until she just randomly lost her **** all over someone. This was in private. The person told me about it and I believed her.
Then it happened again to someone. Again in private. But now there were 2 people. People still couldn't believe it was this sweetie pie lady.
One day it happened in public. She just absolutely lost her **** out of the blue and for no apparent reason - started ranting and raving and didn't even make any sense. I was there that day. It was stunning.
So everyone who was there knew the truth. But this lady was so sweetie pie namby pamby sugary sweet that anyone who wasn't there that day still didn't really believe it.
These psychos exist and you are well to stay the hell away from them and anything they have to do with. Don't worry about your friends - the real ones will stick with you.
Don't bother trying to figure out what you did wrong. You didn't do anything. These nutbags are reacting to some stimuli we can't even see.
They're crazy.
Was super sweet and talked in a high voice and everyone thought she was just a little frosted cupcake sugar pie.
Meanwhile, I thought she sounded fake and two-faced.
Well, she had everyone fooled until she just randomly lost her **** all over someone. This was in private. The person told me about it and I believed her.
Then it happened again to someone. Again in private. But now there were 2 people. People still couldn't believe it was this sweetie pie lady.
One day it happened in public. She just absolutely lost her **** out of the blue and for no apparent reason - started ranting and raving and didn't even make any sense. I was there that day. It was stunning.
So everyone who was there knew the truth. But this lady was so sweetie pie namby pamby sugary sweet that anyone who wasn't there that day still didn't really believe it.
These psychos exist and you are well to stay the hell away from them and anything they have to do with. Don't worry about your friends - the real ones will stick with you.
Don't bother trying to figure out what you did wrong. You didn't do anything. These nutbags are reacting to some stimuli we can't even see.
They're crazy.
Yes I think so. And however wonderful they seem most of the time, eventually the rage breaks through the facade.
Mr. Madd had many problems with me, over the stupidest little things. Like one time I was going away to visit relatives and was not absolutely sure if I would be back in time for the next rehearsal he had planned. Many things like that.
He's had some problems with others, that he told me about. Got really enraged about little things. There are people aside from me who have seen that side of him.
Now he's in with a certain group that I can easily avoid. They seem to love him right now, but maybe he will find some little thing to get insulted about with them also.
Mr. Madd blocked me from his facebook page, so I no longer know what he is doing.
There are open mics and jam sessions he probably will keep going to, and I can't avoid them.
No, I said I was already out of the relationship, and not going back in. He decided to end it.
The problem is seeing him places, and having mutual friends. I am hoping we will gravitate to different places, but there are some where I definitely will see him.
How should I handle that? He was so angry he would not even look at me when I saw him someplace recently. And a friend he was with didn't even look at me either. And I knew that friend for years before Mr. Madd became friends with him. So I wondered what Mr. Madd could have been telling him about me.
I have confided about this to two people so far. One is the guy who was in our aspiring band for about a year. He had always told me Mr. Madd is a control freak and maybe kind of nuts. But we still all liked playing together.
I also told a woman friend who knows everyone I am talking about. She just said I don't need him, he's an a-hole, and I will be better off. But she didn't tell me what to do if I keep seeing him everywhere.
How to handle him? Ignore him.
Do not react to anything he says. Become indifferent to him, or anything he might do or say.
He LOVES living rent free in your head. Tell yourself that you do not care. And then be that person who does not care.
A control freak gets off on making you crazy, and getting you to react. Don’t react.
Recently 2 different women musicians I used to be on good terms with started acting like they hated me. Both of them had become friendly with Mr. Madd and he had talked to them about his problems with me.
So I thought he had poisoned their minds about me. I had told him about how nasty they were to me, in friendly conversations I was having with him. So maybe he felt like I was blaming him. And I was, but I didn't actually say it. But maybe it was implied. I was very upset about people suddenly seeming to hate me.
I can't imagine Mr. Madd will now make a career out of trying to get everyone to hate me. But he could.
All I can do is be nice to everyone, as I usually have been. I never had any conflict with anyone else. After years of getting together in public places or in private homes, I never had a conflict.
Thank you. I have to not care, because it could drive me nuts. I already lost sleep over it.
I always looked forward to going to the music events, and now I dread them. But hopefully I will get over that.
Yes - you will get over it when you decide to. You've been given a lot of good advice. However, what I see is someone who can't stand that someone doesn't like them and has to keep trying to get in this guy's good graces even though he seems at least 75% negative. Oh I know, he's nice until he's not - so what? What are you trying to prove by continuing to be his friend? And worrying about his opinion? That you have conquered him? That you're better than him?
I think you need to more fully examine your motivations in this - you started talking about him MONTHS ago on here and you're still wasting energy over him. Find out what YOU'RE getting out of this "relationship" - I dare you.
Yes - you will get over it when you decide to. You've been given a lot of good advice. However, what I see is someone who can't stand that someone doesn't like them and has to keep trying to get in this guy's good graces even though he seems at least 75% negative. Oh I know, he's nice until he's not - so what? What are you trying to prove by continuing to be his friend? And worrying about his opinion? That you have conquered him? That you're better than him?
I think you need to more fully examine your motivations in this - you started talking about him MONTHS ago on here and you're still wasting energy over him. Find out what YOU'RE getting out of this "relationship" - I dare you.
I was not considering ever being his friend again. I am just trying to figure out how to act if we're in the same places frequently.
I will change some of what I do. There are things I can avoid that I don't care about anyway. There are places I can go where he never goes.
There are a couple of places where he is likely to show up.
I was getting something from the relationship. We worked on playing together for over 2 years and people said we sounded good. And I thought we were friends, except for his periodic anger outbreaks.
I think maybe he would have gotten over this eventually. There are more details to the story. He and I were scheduled to perform for an hour at an event. It is not easy to get on this schedule.
After I made that mistake while singing with him recently, he decided we weren't ready for that event. That was very silly, because I had never made any mistakes before (he made lots).
When he said he wanted to cancel it I said I would do it without him then. I told him not to cancel it. We had that conversation several times.
So, the other day I wrote to the organizer of the event (Mr. Dopeface) and asked if I was still on the schedule. He said no, Mr. Madd cancelled it. He would not tell me why. He said to ask Mr. Madd.
I wrote to Mr. Madd and asked why. He said it was all my fault and I never admit when I'm wrong. I asked what I did wrong. I said I know I made that one mistake, but I never made any other mistakes. I said I had a right to perform a couple songs by myself since he does that too.
Mr. Madd just got madder. I guess he knew I was right. He couldn't think of any logical excuse for being so mad at me. It was probably the jealousy and the need to control, etc., but he could not admit that.
Finally Mr. Madd said it was because he hates all my songs. They are depressing, etc. Not true, and he never said that before.
So he won't ever try to communicate with me again, after being so nasty. He must know he was being nuts.
OP, just so you know, I only read your OP (opening post) & didn't go through the thread. Some people never grow up no matter how old they get & he's one of those people. He must have been a hotheaded, dramatic mess in his younger years.
Don't worry about him so much, but you can try to do as much "damage control" by telling your mutual friends that he's a hothead who's not to be believed if he's telling lies/rumors about you to them. Hopefully, they'll believe YOU because you've known them a LOT longer than they've known him.
Other than that, just do the best you can & have fun playing at your gigs! You should maybe spend a little more time doing a different hobby at times too, so your thoughts & mindset are NOT completely on the music, HIM, & how he wronged you.
I can't imagine Mr. Madd will now make a career out of trying to get everyone to hate me. But he could.
And what if he does? Who cares?
You can only control your own thoughts and actions. Guess what: that's just as true for Mr. Madd! He may try to get everyone he knows to hate you, but that in no way means he'll succeed. People will make up their own minds based on what they see and hear over time, regardless of what he says to them. He has no power over you, and ultimately he has no power over them either. The others you know are independent agents, not his puppets. So there's no need to worry about it.
I agree with the others: stop letting this jerk live rent-free in your head. Get on with your music, and have fun playing it. If Mr. Madd shows up at a venue where you are playing, be polite but distant with him (and never allow yourself to be alone with him, for the sake of safety). Eventually he'll tire of his manipulative games and find another victim to play with, and then he'll be out of your life for good.
OP, just so you know, I only read your OP (opening post) & didn't go through the thread. Some people never grow up no matter how old they get & he's one of those people. He must have been a hotheaded, dramatic mess in his younger years.
Don't worry about him so much, but you can try to do as much "damage control" by telling your mutual friends that he's a hothead who's not to be believed if he's telling lies/rumors about you to them. Hopefully, they'll believe YOU because you've known them a LOT longer than they've known him.
Other than that, just do the best you can & have fun playing at your gigs! You should maybe spend a little more time doing a different hobby at times too, so your thoughts & mindset are NOT completely on the music, HIM, & how he wronged you.
If he is that much of a hot-headed mess, there’s no need for ‘damage control’, gossip, or wasting your time talking about him. All that does is prove you haven’t let go of the toxic situation (and it’s consuming your thoughts). The best thing you can do is get him out of your head (and that means not making him the topic of conversation with your friends) - and focus on the people who truly know you and support you, as well as your music/work. That’s the way to optimal psychological health - surround yourself with positive people who help to build you up, not people who wish to drag others down - because the latter is a very temporary fix to what can become a perpetual problem. The key is to focus on you (positive), not him.
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