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It was acceptable for us to show anger (fighting) as that emphasizes ‘strength’ but ‘silent’ in the sense we were not verbally encouraged to ‘work it out’ or discuss our feelings as a whole (or at least not expected in school from us to the same degree as girls).
A lot of wriggling, there, but I dispute that "we" were ever taught such a thing.
Where was that school? Who were those teachers? These are not rhetorical questions. I expect you have answers to those questions if you assert that men have been so taught.
I'm over 65 years old, and I've never been in a company of men teaching such a thing as the manner of a grown man.
The fact is that men don't fight out every disagreement, not thousands of years, and that is what men are ultimately taught in male society.
A lot of wriggling, there, but I dispute that "we" were ever taught such a thing.
Where was that school? Who were those teachers? These are not rhetorical questions. I expect you have answers to those questions if you assert that men have been so taught.
I'm over 65 years old, and I've never been in a company of men teaching such a thing as the manner of a grown man.
The fact is that men don't fight out every disagreement, not thousands of years, and that is what men are ultimately taught in male society.
What exactly is it you are wanting to dispute or fight about? I didn’t create the thread - or the concept.
I doubt you are going to solve men's problems by teaching them to be huggy-feely like women. The problems men have go far beyond expressing their feelings. Mechanization has eliminated most of the "strong back, weak mind" jobs that stupid men used to hold. The feminists have invaded or eliminated all the men's organizations. There is no social safety net for men. It's survival of the fittest and death for the unfit out there. Look for the campgrounds under an overpass, and there's your answer.
The rising death rate among middle aged men with no college degree is also due to self-destructive behavior like alcohol consumption and drugs. Plus, with no job to go to their physical health deteriorates. When there is nothing left to live for, suicide is a reasonable option.
I doubt you are going to solve men's problems by teaching them to be huggy-feely like women. The problems men have go far beyond expressing their feelings. Mechanization has eliminated most of the "strong back, weak mind" jobs that stupid men used to hold. The feminists have invaded or eliminated all the men's organizations. There is no social safety net for men. It's survival of the fittest and death for the unfit out there. Look for the campgrounds under an overpass, and there's your answer.
The rising death rate among middle aged men with no college degree is also due to self-destructive behavior like alcohol consumption and drugs. Plus, with no job to go to their physical health deteriorates. When there is nothing left to live for, suicide is a reasonable option.
I doubt you are going to solve men's problems by teaching them to be huggy-feely like women. The problems men have go far beyond expressing their feelings. Mechanization has eliminated most of the "strong back, weak mind" jobs that stupid men used to hold. The feminists have invaded or eliminated all the men's organizations. There is no social safety net for men. It's survival of the fittest and death for the unfit out there. Look for the campgrounds under an overpass, and there's your answer.
‘Survival of the fittest’ is now strong mind - and less to do with ‘strong backs’, especially for the middle-aged men you note in your post. No one is attempting to make them ‘huggy-feely’ - but you’re speaking to middle-aged joblessness and despair, not masculinity.
‘Survival of the fittest’ is now strong mind - and less to do with ‘strong backs’, especially for the middle-aged men you note in your post. No one is attempting to make them ‘huggy-feely’ - but you’re speaking to middle-aged joblessness and despair, not masculinity.
Really, the problem is "No Country for Old Men/Women." The youth are revered for their strong back, but the aged are no longer revered for their strong mind. It is a societal issue when males (and females) age out of their profession and have no standing. A throwaway society exists. Careers. Families. Do not get old in this country. It will throw you away like yesterday's trash.
Me, strong? Nope. I know I can be weak. Stronger in mental fortitude then others perhaps (simply put, I'm more aware and know signs) but still with my struggles.
Silent? Can be a mute. At other times I'm a big blabber mouth.
Expectations? Now this is where we see the same problem. Expectations is why people break a lot of the time. It's "expected" of you. I "assume" this of you. It's "obvious" that you should see things my way. etc, etc. People like to assume a lot. Regardless of stereotypes. You picked one stereotype. "Men." But I can list countless others. But all with the same flaws. "Thinking things are simple". And "Not thinking of reasons". Toss in a bit of "Using labels as excuses". Things I've come to enjoy proving wrong by using facts and logic and stating reasons (or even the lack of them). Those exact same people that say it's "genetics" or "born that way" are also the ones complaining about their past life experiences which put them off the exact things they complain about (eg: reasons). It has little to do with genes or gender (you can change your instincts/habits. Easier said then done). It has everything to do with environment, what we experienced and expectations. Mainly it's about habits. "What we normally think". Or "What we're used to doing". Which makes it more difficult to do (or even think) the reverse. What we think about is the same as what we do. "Do the reverse more and it starts to become more instinctive". I think "Telling people what they need does more harm then good" a lot. Therefor I go to great lengths not to say it. I don't "expect" others to do the same though. Because I'm aware of the "default mind set". Truth is most people think similarly. Nothing necessarily wrong with that. I'm also aware how harmful "Normal expectations" are. I see plenty of harm in that. Therefor I teach others not to think that way through long talks and communication. Which works even if people don't like it. Others did the same with me in the past.
This leads to further topics but I'll save that for another thread.
We all have it in us to show a softer side “whatever that means these days.” No matter your sex. Women have to be strong for their children, men have to be strong for the wife and the children. I choose not show what I’m dealing with to based on the example I mentioned in my OP. Yes, it’s my choice and odds are it might drive me to an early grave so I can finally get some rest. And I’m okay with that in all honesty. No, I’m not Suicidal either. There are times I can feel the stress of it all on me like a heart attack waiting to happen. But I choose to keep pushing forward.
So maybe this really depends on where ones has grown up at or how close you are to family/friends. I have no family that I’m close to and my friends who know me the best tend to reach out if I need them. I don’t reach out knowing they have there own issues. We own have our own cross to bear and for me I choose to carry it alone.
We all have it in us to show a softer side “whatever that means these days.” No matter your sex. Women have to be strong for their children, men have to be strong for the wife and the children.
Partners tend to be strong for each other. Or one (or worse, both) crumble and fall. CAN one be stronger then the other? Yes. But can one also teach the other to be stronger regardless of gender? That has more to do with wisdom then strength though. But through wisdom comes strength.
Also who says a woman has to be strong for the child yet not for the man? Funny how you said men have to be strong for women yet left out women being strong for men. Think of it this way. I know I'm a handful. If you're not strong or willing to learn how to deal with me then how can you look after me?
Worth noting it's worth bringing out the "darker side" as well as the softer one. For various reasons. One of the most important being "honest feelings".
Funny how you said men have to be strong for women yet left out women being strong for men. Think of it this way. I know I'm a handful. If you're not strong or willing to learn how to deal with me then how can you look after me?
I know exactly where that stems from too. I watched my dad beat every woman he was with including my mother. I watched my mom get beat by her last husband. In my younger years I worked security in night clubs saw more then one man raise his hand to his Girlfriend/wife. So it’s easy to see where I get the idea that a man should be strong for his family as a whole. If your wife/girlfriend isn’t able to handle you needing some emotional support, then where does he go from there?
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